Author Topic: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards  (Read 37497 times)

Deadborder

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Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« on: 06 April 2013, 21:55:01 »
At the end of every MegaMek battle, I hand out dubious awards to the participants based on their performances and examination of the logs. I felt that I should share a few of them

Today's battle featured two medium AFFS lances against two medium TDF lances, circa operation MATADOR. The result was an almost entirely one-sided stomping, with the AFFS losing one 'Mech (an Enforcer III) to five Taurian (And of the three survivors, two were wrecks anyway). It also featured a number of dubious awards.

The Man of the Match award went to Mister Punchy the OTL-6D Ostsol. Punchy didn't actually kill anyone, but by keeping his TSM-rage up all fight he was delivering a festival of devastating punches and kicks that were pummeling the Taurians senseless.

The Disproportionate Carnage award goes to Megawatti Sukhanoputri the JVN-11D javelin; again while she didn't kill anything, she was unleashing a festival of criticals, including gutting a Taurian Warhammer.

The Persistent Nuisance award went to Frank Angerfase, the STG-5R Stinger. Frank expended both his RL-15s early on (missing with both) and then lost his ER Medium Laser the next turn, and was passed over as harmless for being unarmed. He then went on to spend his time jetting around the map and managed to kick a Dervish in the head and knock it prone.

Unfortunately, this then prompted people to pay attention to him resulting in a Centurion roasting him alive with a Plasma Rifle. There's a lesson in this for all of us.

The Stupid Arse Death award went to Grizzle McFuzzface the SNK-1V Snake. Fresh at the start of the turn, he failed a PSR and fell into the water, breached his CT and drowned. Jolly good show.

The Harpo Award for Participation goes to Stump Multichin the WHM-10T Warhammer who holed up in one corner of the map and shot near-random PPC fire at the Davionist Enemy, managing to land about two shots. One of them took a lower leg actuator off a Fireball. That was worth it.
« Last Edit: 07 April 2013, 07:25:51 by Deadborder »
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YingJanshi

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Re: Deadborder's Dubous MegaMek Awards
« Reply #1 on: 06 April 2013, 22:03:14 »
HAahahahahahaha!  :D

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Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #2 on: 07 April 2013, 02:38:29 »
Two games in one day? What is this debauchery?

Actually, it was beta-testing a map, which saw a RAF unit hunting renegade mercs. The result was less a victory for the RAF as it was a complete fiasco where the Republicans merely screwed up less. However, at the end of the day, there were still awards to hand out.

The Man of the Match award was... well, it was less about who deserved it and who was the least undeserving. So in the end it went to Randolph J. Kongkerdong III's JN7-C3 Jenner which managed to not fall over once (despite the small cockpit) and spammed MMLs everywhere to surprisingly good effect.

The Yellow Belly award went to Miguel McChinJaw's MR-V2 Cerberus which spent forever hiding behind buildings. When it finally did emerge it had managed to let an Altas, an Axeman and a Hatchetman surround it. That ended about as well as one could expect, and in two turns Miguel had gone from "fresh" to "exploded" and had never once hit a thing with either Gauss Rifle.

The Self-Inflicted Wounds award went to Mexican Merlin's MLN-1C Merlin for falling through a building and busting a hip, then falling over a few more times before busting its other hip. He managed to do more damage to his own 'Mech then the Panther and Griffin who were wailing on him at the time. Make of this what you will. He cut his losses, ejected and left them to go mess up somebody else.

The Griff subsequently shot a Zeus in the back and scored two engine hits. Thanks Merlin!

The Tired of Living award goes to the AF1 Arctic Fox who, after having its armour shredded by the aforesaid Panther and Griff decided to casually stroll out of cover and walk up to the fresh Atlas. This did not end well for him.

The Not what you expected to happen award goes to the NGS-5S Nightsky who rushed a Cataplut at point blank range. Rather then what one would expect, he instead missed his attacks, fell prone from Medium Laser wounds and was kicked by the aforesaid Cat. He then died a shameful death of MML spam.
« Last Edit: 07 April 2013, 07:26:04 by Deadborder »
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Xenon54z

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #3 on: 07 April 2013, 14:51:30 »
Where do you come up with these wonderful awards? And the excellent names for the awards, too?

Bravo! :)) ;D
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ralgith

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #4 on: 07 April 2013, 21:51:24 »
I should start doing these for my battles. They're funny :D

Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #5 on: 09 April 2013, 20:22:00 »
Having built the Mad Cat Mk IV in MegaMek Lab, I decided to test it out. I figured that the best way to test it would be by having it fight a traditional Mad Cat. Sounds good, right?

Instead, the Mad Cat got the For Science! award as, in the first round of fire, it took a Clan ERPPC to the head. This, of course, teaches me nothing that I didn't already know.
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GreekFire

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #6 on: 09 April 2013, 20:31:16 »
Hey, that taught me a lot: Ferro-Lamellor can't stop a Clan ERPPC to the head.

What? Math is hard. Don't judge me.
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Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #7 on: 10 April 2013, 03:28:00 »
Oh no, it was the enemy Mad Cat that took the ER-Peeper to the noggin. Thus filed under the "things we allready knew" department
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Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #8 on: 14 April 2013, 01:23:34 »
Random roll units! Violence! Explosions! More stupids!

The Smooth Move award goes to the Vulture Mk IV for skidding and crashing through a building in turn 2. That meant a random basement... which meant that it was stuck there for the rest of the game, doing nothing but wishing it had thumbs to twiddle

The Waste of Expensive Ordinance award goes to the Gallant that spent the whole fight shooting of Thunderbolts, never once having a hit of below 10+ and, coincidentally, never once hitting.

The Epic Duel Across Time And Space award went to a badly damaged Daimyo and a near-fresh Talon who spent forever in their own corner of the map taking shots at each other. What was surprising is not that the Talon won, but the fact that it was a close-run thing.

The I Shoot You With Science award goes to the ENF-6NAIS Enforcer for the carnage it unleashed with its Targeting Computer-controlled Large VSPL. Carving a Garm up into meaty chunks was but a part of the service.

It also won the Then House Explode award. When the Garm, sick of being carved into meaty chunks, decided to do a max-distance jump on top of a building, the Enforcer then promptly shot the building with Science, doing enough damage to reduce its CF to below the Garm's weight

Finally, the Slugfest award goes to the King Crab and the Mad Cat Mk II Enhanced for their brutal duel to the death, with neither of them able to actually kill the other. Then they both fell over prone in the same turn. Epic.
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Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #9 on: 27 April 2013, 08:00:48 »
A Word of Blake "Peacekeeping" mission saw a team of "renegade" Mercenaries being soundly defeated... largely by themselves. The Word were incidental to the fact. However, this meant that there were plenty of awards to give out.

The Man of the Match award as well as the Disproportionate Chaos award goes to the Word OTT-11CS Ostscout who spent the entire battle bouncing around the map like an idiot, keeping up a high TMM and, most importantly, making sure that the rest of his Level II were allways effectively at short range via C3i. He drew an insane amount of fire, none of which even came close to hitting, randomly shot things with his lasers and kicked a Yeoman which caused it to fall down and bust itself up. Well done that man!

The That's nice, but what does it do? award goes to the FNR-5WB Fafnir for maintaining a constant barrage of plasma fire, most of it at effective short range thanks to aforesaid Ostscout... and managing to only do any damage in the second last turn (where it landed all four and nearly caused a shutdown, but...) This was made even more hilariously humiliating by the number of woods hexes that it was firing into and failed to set alight, even by accident.

The Fire all the missiles! award goes to the aforesaid Yeoman who spent most of the match camped out on top of a hill in woods, shooting LRMs at whatever caught its eye. It chipped some armour off a Marauder II and mildly annoyed a Crab, but mainly it wasted Narc-equipped ordinance on inoffensive chunks of scenery.

The Spall if you want me too award goes to the DGR-6FC Dragon Fire with its LBX cluster shots. They would almost inevitably hit the heads of enemy 'Mechs or get criticals resulting in shockingly high amounts of damage per pellet.

But the biggest one is the Grim Reaper award for the most kills which goes to... Pilot Error. Killing more 'Mechs then enemy fire, it claimed an Ostsol (Wrecked its engine walking through a building), Hammer (Busted hip while trying to stand, pilot ejected) the aforesaid Yeoman (broke its CT trying to stand), Scarabus (Mobility kill, broke one leg off trying to stand) and a Hatchetman (lots its gyro to a TAC from the Dragon Fire's LBX, fell in water, flooded its CT). Nice going guys!
« Last Edit: 27 April 2013, 19:32:02 by Deadborder »
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Snimm

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #10 on: 27 April 2013, 14:51:03 »
Got a hearty chuckle out of the "That's nice, but what does it do?" award.
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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #11 on: 01 June 2013, 01:55:33 »
From today's match:

This is ground control to Major Zong
Turn your Stealth Armour on

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Garner

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #12 on: 01 June 2013, 04:22:48 »
I just want to say, my wife and I have been howling with laughter at this thread. On the plus side, we feel a lot better about our own pilot incompetencies. On the down side, our four year old has run into the room twice to make sure we're okay...

Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #13 on: 20 October 2013, 00:19:35 »
Been a while since I posted one of these. I got lazy.

Anyways, today's match saw a Republic Remnant force manage to defeat a group of unidentified mercenaries after a long and blood battle. The RAF forces were battered but unbowed, and managed to make good their losses in salvage.

With that being said, on with the awards!

Man of the Match goes to Marshall Windsor and his Doloire. Not just did Windsor get the most kills of anyone in the battle, but he also dished out plenty of damage to other units along the way. The number of units spammed by his large pulse lasers was quite astounding.

The Disproportionate Carnage award goes to a RAF Purifier squad who took down a Storm Raider and a Fortune UCV, thus exceeding their own BV by... quite a lot.

The Living Life Dangerously award goes to the Gauntlet which opened the game by making a MASC and Supercharger run along the windy, narrow road through town, and yet managed to not only make it through unscathed, but also managed to never once blow a MASC or Supercharger roll. Trust me, he had a lot of chances.

His counterpart then would be the winner of the Waste of a Perfectly Good 'Mech award, which went to a mercenary Beserker pilot who managed to fluff his MASC roll and blow a hip... on the second turn. The highest BV enemy 'Mech and it spent all of the battle face-down in a ditch.

The Waste of Perfectly Good Ordinance award went to Nick Nolte's Yeoman (All Yeomans are piloted by Nick Notle. Don't ask) who managed to never once hit a thing with his MMLs, despite firing off a lot of them.

The Up the Pooper award for best rear armour hit goes to a Demolisher II for putting a Thunderbolt-20 into the rear center torso of the Merc Commander's Malice.

And finally, the I give you expensive hardware and you let it go to waste award goes to the Mercenary Fortune UCV with it's C3 Master unit. You'd think that a C3 net that included a LRM Carrier would be dangerous, right? Not when the Master goes and immobilises itself where it can't make contact with the rest of the network.
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elf25s

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #14 on: 21 October 2013, 17:31:04 »
i miss these...they bring a chuckle to my otherwise a very dreadful day

thanks!
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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #15 on: 26 October 2013, 00:53:55 »
A flashback to the early days of the Republic, today's battle saw a force from the fledgling RAF face down a mixture of CCAF, MoC and Mercenary forces. The result was rather one-sided, with the RAF only losing a single 'Mech to combined enemy fire.

But enough with the recap! On with the awards!

The Learn To Drive award goes to the CCAF commander in his GOL-3L Goliath. On the first turn, he crashed through a building and fell head-first into a basement. On the second turn, he got up and then walked through another building... and crashed head-first into the basement. An opportunistic RAF Guillotine then shot the building and collapsed it, killing the Goliath.

Falling buildings also claimed a CCAF Huron Warrior and a Mercenary Victor, while a MoC Penthiselia spent multiple turns tripping and falling through buildings as well. This meant that the map won the Temple Of Doom award for lethal architecture.

The Jolly Good Show, Sir award goes to the RAF Prefect who managed to remain undamaged all the way through the battle because enemy 'Mechs could never hit it. This advantage was offset by the fact that, in turn, it could never hit a thing.

The Hey, dude, you're on fire award went to the RAF Guillotine which spent most of the match on the verge of shutdown while being constantly torched with plasma weapons.

The Godless killing machine award went to the RAF Warlord. While it didn't actually kill anything, it's gratuitous Medium Laser spam carved up a Trebaruna and a Helios, while it also near-fried a Blackjack-O with a random HPPC shot.

The Failure to Perform award went to the CCAF Trebaruna who only got a single shot off with his LBX-20... which missed. It then was destroyed.

The Head Injuries award went to Lamb Carpetride, pilot of an RAF Highlander. Lamb ended the mach with five (!) pilot hits. He's feeling much better now, thank you for asking.

The Keep off the grass award went to the Elyuka (Or Ukulele as it's now nicknamed) which spent a lot of time hiding in woods hexes. Every woods hex it hid in then caught fire.

Finally, the Man of the Match award goes to... buildings. For all the carnage they wrought.
« Last Edit: 26 October 2013, 00:57:33 by Deadborder »
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RahTol

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #16 on: 26 October 2013, 02:03:09 »
Thank you Deadborder, this is likely the most entertaining series of posts I've seen on any forum. Please keep them coming.

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #17 on: 26 October 2013, 03:17:49 »
A flashback to the early days of the Republic, today's battle saw a force from the fledgling RAF face down a mixture of CCAF, MoC and Mercenary forces. The result was rather one-sided, with the RAF only losing a single 'Mech to combined enemy fire.

But enough with the recap! On with the awards!

The Learn To Drive award goes to the CCAF commander in his GOL-3L Goliath. On the first turn, he crashed through a building and fell head-first into a basement. On the second turn, he got up and then walked through another building... and crashed head-first into the basement. An opportunistic RAF Guillotine then shot the building and collapsed it, killing the Goliath.

Falling buildings also claimed a CCAF Huron Warrior and a Mercenary Victor, while a MoC Penthiselia spent multiple turns tripping and falling through buildings as well. This meant that the map won the Temple Of Doom award for lethal architecture.

The Jolly Good Show, Sir award goes to the RAF Prefect who managed to remain undamaged all the way through the battle because enemy 'Mechs could never hit it. This advantage was offset by the fact that, in turn, it could never hit a thing.

The Hey, dude, you're on fire award went to the RAF Guillotine which spent most of the match on the verge of shutdown while being constantly torched with plasma weapons.

The Godless killing machine award went to the RAF Warlord. While it didn't actually kill anything, it's gratuitous Medium Laser spam carved up a Trebaruna and a Helios, while it also near-fried a Blackjack-O with a random HPPC shot.

The Failure to Perform award went to the CCAF Trebaruna who only got a single shot off with his LBX-20... which missed. It then was destroyed.

The Head Injuries award went to Lamb Carpetride, pilot of an RAF Highlander. Lamb ended the mach with five (!) pilot hits. He's feeling much better now, thank you for asking.

The Keep off the grass award went to the Elyuka (Or Ukulele as it's now nicknamed) which spent a lot of time hiding in woods hexes. Every woods hex it hid in then caught fire.

Finally, the Man of the Match award goes to... buildings. For all the carnage they wrought.

OPERATION GOLDEN FORTRESS - more fun with buildings!


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Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #18 on: 02 November 2013, 01:22:59 »
Operation GOLDEN FORTRESS continues, and so do the awards. Stinging from their last defeat, the CCAF and their mercenary allies have fallen back to regroup, but the RAF are in hot pursuit!

The battle is still ongoing, but here's a report so far.

The Starting Off With A Splash award goes to the CCAF Eyluka that fell into the water and flooded its CT. In the movement phase. Of turn one. Nice.

The Tony Robbins will dig you up in 500 years award goes to the CCAF Warhammer for falling into a basement, then getting up, walking into the next building hex and falling into a basement there. That then also did enough damage to collapse the building onto it, destroying the Wammer.

It and a (fresh) Merc Nightstar shared the Gengis Khan Was Right award after the latter crushed itself to death in another falling building. Clearly, buildings are the RAF's secret weapon.

The I'm Helping award went to a Merc Valkrie for its determined attack on an RAF Titan II. That did a lot.

The Hiding in the Closet award went to a Merc Nightsky who spent the entire battle hiding inside buildings and running from building to building.
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SCC

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #19 on: 02 November 2013, 03:40:29 »
The Starting Off With A Splash award goes to the CCAF Eyluka that fell into the water and flooded its CT. In the movement phase. Of turn one. Nice.
Reminds of the something, pretty sure I read it on the boards, first turn of a fight someone jumped into water, ref double checks the hex, calls someone over.

Turns out the other team (I think) had a unit hidden in that hex, can't remember if they got a free death from above

Deadborder

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #20 on: 02 November 2013, 18:22:41 »
A small town, after being the victims of Jacob Bannson's "aggressive negotiations" hired mercenaries to protect them from further attacks. Were they able to carry the day and protect the people of Insert Town Name Here? Well, no. The mercenaries were driven off, but not after a furious exchange.

The Man of the Match award went to the Raider leader in a Warhammer IIC for being in the thick of things throughout the battle and getting the most kills including the Mercenary Leader in his Verfolger. It also got the Shot of the Match award in round one for taking a long-range, low-chance (11+) shot at an enemy VTOL with its ER PPCs... and killing it in the first hit.

If anyone also deserved that award, it was the raider Hanse MBT who instead got the Pyromania award for setting things on fire. Be it a mercenary Archer, buildings, woods hexes, enemy tanks or a squad of Merc Sloth BA who got stuck in a woods hex that then was set on fire, the Hanse was on a burning rampage. That it got the second most kills was a bonus.

The Argh my atoms are on fire award went to a Merc Calliope after it was hit in the head by a plasma rifle. Oddly enough, the shot didn't come from the Hanse.

The Your life has not worked out the way you planned award went to a Merc Warrior VTOL for being kicked to death by a Panther. Think about it.

The Fatal Misstep award went to a Raider Centurion who blundered into the arc of fire of an immobilised, but still very much alive, Merc Hetzer and JES III.

In a similar vein, the Self Inflicted Wounds award went to the raider Pegasus for managing to skid and immobilise itself in the middle of the mercenary advance. Nice. It still managed to immobilise the aforesaid JES.

And finally, the In there by a thread award went to several Raider units; a Panther (Armour stripped from its limbs, only one Plasma shot left), Joust Tank (immobilised, side armour gone) and the Warhammer IIC (Armour gone over both side torsos)
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Nav_Alpha

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #21 on: 02 November 2013, 18:37:45 »
Looks like a fun match!

How much story do you out into your games ie: what's the of GOLDEN FORTRESS was the previous game in, and on what planet, etc?

I find that I script so much backstory for even MegaMek games - everyone has a backstory and a personality, etc


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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #22 on: 02 November 2013, 19:46:50 »
Man, I can't help but to grin and chuckle every time I read an update.  Keep it up.   ;D

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #23 on: 03 November 2013, 16:37:50 »
The Your life has not worked out the way you planned award went to a Merc Warrior VTOL for being kicked to death by a Panther. Think about it.

I MUST know how that happened.
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Jayof9s

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #24 on: 03 November 2013, 17:42:27 »
While I've never seen a VTOL kicked to death I have had the misfortune of having one punched from the sky. Also by a Panther if I remember right. Flew up on a ridge and didn't move up to correspond with the higher terrain.

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #25 on: 03 November 2013, 20:06:13 »
While I've never seen a VTOL kicked to death I have had the misfortune of having one punched from the sky. Also by a Panther if I remember right. Flew up on a ridge and didn't move up to correspond with the higher terrain.

Was a Wasp, not a Panther ;)

I did enjoy that punch :D

Jayof9s

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #26 on: 03 November 2013, 20:37:12 »
That's okay, I still won the fight. Through the power of positive thinking and... mostly by shooting your 'Mechs in the head. A lot.

Sorry to hijack the awards thread.  O0

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #27 on: 03 November 2013, 21:35:02 »
Looks like a fun match!

How much story do you out into your games ie: what's the of GOLDEN FORTRESS was the previous game in, and on what planet, etc?

I find that I script so much backstory for even MegaMek games - everyone has a backstory and a personality, etc

Generally, unless there's some specific themes going on, our MM games will have a vauge theme or setting; during GOLDEN FORTRESS against the Cappies, fighting the Word during the Jihad, following the Blackout or the like. The effort is made to construct "themed" forces that will fit faction X or Y. This also means that the RAF is a popular choice. Sometimes we do themed mini-campaigns or the like that will carry over elements, for example, the two GOLDEN FORTRESS battles mentioned above.

Regardless, I try to add personality and theme to my MM games. Among other things, this means that I have a fair roster of "generic" Merc units with colour schemes and themes and such that make great all-purpose bad guys.

I MUST know how that happened.

The Warrior VTOL lost its rotor (IIRC from LB-X spam) and ended up immobile at the feet of the Panther when the physical attacks phase started. Hence, your life not working out as planned.

And never worry about the thread-jacks. They're all in good fun here.
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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #28 on: 03 November 2013, 21:45:52 »
You are a good time Deadborder.  :)
Every man lives by exchanging - Adam Smith

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Re: Deadborder's Dubious MegaMek Awards
« Reply #29 on: 03 November 2013, 21:49:53 »
Sounds like fun!

Would totally love to see some of these units in the non-canon section


"Hold your position, conserve ammo... and wait for the Dragoons to go Feral"
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