Been a while, huh? That’s what happens when you spend more time drawing MegaMek icons then actually playing MegaMek.
Aaaanyway, today’s battle was the test of a concept force, henceforth referred to as the “Wastes” army. They were up against a group of Generic Pirates, who quickly distinguished themselves through several traits. Unfortunately, said traits were usually exploding and catching on fire, which are not qualities one looks for in a successful pirartical career. (Although when your force includes Primitives, MilitiaMechs and Industrial MODs, this will happen.) As such, the Wastes force were able to carry the day, with the Pirates mostly ending up dead or fleeing.
Of course, there were plenty of Dubious Awards to be had.
The Man of the Match award went to the Wastes Bandersnatch for the sheer level of destruction it meted out. Not only did it get the most kills of the battle, but it almost never missed, even with rather stupidly low chance hits. Finally, to top it all off, it managed to cripple and immobilise several tanks and ‘Mech through LBX cluster hits.
The I Like To Camp award went to the Wastes Catapult, which spent most of the battle perched on top of the highest point of the map, liberally chucking LRMs at whatever came within line of sight. Ironically, it only made a single kill during the battle, which was a pirate Galleon killed with a kick after it wandered a bit too close.
Conversely, the Galleon took the Raised Middle Finger award for hitting the Catapult once, with a single Machine Gun hit to the head. Yeah, it didn’t affect the battle as a whole, but it still did sting a bit.
The I Am The God Of Hellfire award went to the pirate Firestarter for spending the entire battle running around with its Flamers on Heat mode, while also spraying Infernos at whatever caught its attention. And then it stumbled across some of the pirate Infantry, which got really, really ugly. This plan nearly was its undoing when a pirate Hercules decided that it really didn’t like its incendiary ways, and promptly blew half of it away.
This then lead to the Yakkity Saks award as the half-dead Firestarter decided to run away from the Hercules at speed, leading it and a Quasit halfway across the map and thus distracting them from doing anything actually useful.
The Impotent Murder God award went to the Wastes Heavy Hover APC. After slaughtering its way through two platoons of enemy infantry with its paired MGs, it then turned on a third. However, it then missed three out of four shots, and then only hit with enough damage on the enemy platoon (Which was in the open) to half-kill them. In return, they immobilised it and moved out of its firing arc, leaving it completely helpless and useless.
The Fredrick the Limping Baboon award went to the pirate Griffin which spent the start of every single movement phase picking itself up from being knocked down the previous turn. Possibly the most humiliating came when it passed a twenty point damage roll and two kick rolls in the same turn, but then fell over from its own missed kick. From the time the first shots were fired to the end of the battle, it never left that hex.
The Bonk on the Head award went to the dread pirate leader Zelda Papadopolus (Love those random names) and her Koschei; in the first turn of combat, they took a head hit from a single SRM and blacked out. This left them prone and immobile in front of the team of a Warhammer, Bandersnatch and Hunchback. You can probably guess what happened next.
On a related note, Zelda also took the Not My Captain award for not only running blindly into battle, but being the first of her team to die due to aforesaid Bonk on the Head.
At the same time, the Lights With One Match award went to the Pirate Wasp for only taking a single hit… which was a PPC straight to its SRM ammo that blew it apart in one go.
The Crispy Critter award went to the pirate Crosscut, after it was destroyed by a hit to its Vehicle Flamer ammo. Being an Industrial Mod, it didn’t have an ejection seat.
The Wifflebat award went to the wastes Hunchback, which spent most of the battle missing with its AC/20. And then it hit the lightly damaged Hercules once, killing it. Funny the way these things work out.
The Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers award went to the Wastes Plainsman hovertank for passing a series of very tough control rolls to avoid skidding… and then blowing an easy one, ploughing into a building and immobilising itself.
Finally, the World’s Most Annoying Thing (that isn’t a Firestarter) award went to the wastes LTV-4 Hovertank. While it didn’t actually kill anything, it proved to be unerringly accurate with its PPC, even when tearing around the map at high speed. The highpoint of its career came when it took a snap-shot at a passing pirate Gladius, hitting a 10+ roll and immobilising it.