Is pin-up nose art something that exists in battletech, or is it a little too whimsical?
Nose art does exist in Battletech... Along with adding graffiti like slogans on things...
As for the project, three things jump out at me from the artwork;
You'll need to modify the Marauder's right arm, as it's barrel is downwards (almost like when the Mech collapsed, the pilot put his right paddle down to try and support the Mech).
Considering the picture on page 11, and the strengths/weakness of both Mechs, I'd say the Locust won for one reason; Ammo Explosion. Whether he got in a lucky shot, or the Marauder pilot was just very unlucky, this is the only thing I can think of that matches... If you'll notice in the picture, the location suggests "Torso". The damage suggests an outward explosion. The Mech isn't chewed all to bits from repeated attachs, so it was quick. And it's still mostly in one piece, so that rules out engine explosion... So, to replicate that, I'm guessing a pilot hole and a soldering gun to melt it outward?... I suck at smoke, so I've no guess how you plan to do that.
The AC/5 is missing... Maybe blown off in the explosion?, Maybe twisted wreckage to the side, out of the picture?. Definitely not lying over the top of the torso pointing forward.
The devil is in the detail, and you're doing a hellishly good job.
Caz