P. 32, MGL-T1 Mongrel profile:
"Less than two years later gained popularity among younger Exiled Wolf MechWarriors." (missing subject in this sentence, "Less thank two years later it...")
Deployment section:
"Within two days of each other, the First Wolf Guardians landed on Borghese and the Fifth Bear Guards made planetfall on Fort Loudon."
"On Fort Loudon, the Fifth Bear Guards bid a single Star of T2-model Mongrels against seven Points from the Second Wolf Assault Cluster."
"On the Palisade Highlands, the Fifth managed to circle around to the Second’s weakened flank and surprise the Wolves with a brutal, point-blank assault." (in all cases, these prepositional phrases don't need a commas, should be past tense)
P. 42, ZEU-X4 Zeus X profile:
Variants section:
"It was also an ungainly hodgepodge of patchwork armor, reactive composites and counterintuitive short-range weapons whose limited production during the Civil War merely served propaganda." (oxford comma needed, subordinate clause requires a comma)
Notable Units section:
"In battle, his communications officer ensures the battalion’s battlefield coherency while Mündler is free to engage the enemy directly." (Prepositional phrase does not require a comma, subordinate clause requires a comma)