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Author Topic: A really rough draft  (Read 1048 times)


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A really rough draft
« on: 22 December 2013, 21:34:11 »
Alright guys and gals, i'm needing a new beta reader as my current one is out of contact till at least after the holidays, that said i needed to post this and i could use some feedback on it before i really get into it. As you can see all i have currently is even a "working" title, its that rough a draft, so please tell me what you think, i wont even say be gentle.

Return of the Heterodyne (or)
Agatha Nova Cat and the Return of the Heterodyne

Agatha stood on the bridge of the converted “Mule” class dropship “Monkey Business” as it sat at the lunar lagrange point between the planet they had dubbed “Europa” and its moon. The land masses and oceans below looked surprisingly like Terra, only with parts of it missing or not quite how it “should” be. This was the planet of her birth, a small out of the way system that everyone seemed to look over. Beside her Jane, Gilgamesh and Alexander stood watching the planet with her. “Well this isn’t getting anything accomplished,” Jane said looking at the others who all nodded. “I believe we’ve found out all we can here so let’s get this show started.” They were starting light with a “Lyran” style recon force of a lance of heavy mechs, a platoon of light foot infantry and their hover carrier, and an attached point of battle armor in old Purifier suits. Slowly the foursome drifted down the bridge access shaft of the dropship to their respective bays. Gilgamesh separated and went to a shuttle bay and his battle armor suit while the other three went to the mech drop bays that would drop them and their mechs to the planet below. This was Agatha’s first “combat” drop in a mech and they had her and her Hyena salvage mech staying close to Alexander for now. As primarily a tech, Agatha first made sure that her two best friends outside of Gil were strapped into their mechs tightly before reporting to her own mech and strapping into it.

“All units check in.” Agatha heard the dropship’s captain say over the communications system of her mech as she sealed the cockpit.

“Trilobyte one, good.” Agatha answered snugging her own harness and then listened to the rest of the ad-hoc star check in. She was going home to the planet that bore her, hoping to find out what had happened to her family and to either save the whole planet, or else at least get any surviving family out of that hell hole.

“Trilobyte two green” Allison Grayson answered. She was the only light mech in the unit, her Raven having been heavily modified in favor of stealth armor and mimetic camouflage so it could spot without being seen. Like most in the unit she was a native of the Solomon system, in particular of Tulagi, the second habitable planet of the system. Growing up she had spent her youth hunting the imported fauna for food for her oversized family while her parents farmed a government field. Used to using stealth itself as a weapon she and her auto cannon was the lighter sniper of the unit.

“Trilobyte three, up and ready.” The semi-dark caste raised Alexander Fortuna was next to check in, his shadowcat omni-mech being the brawler of the group and responsible for covering Agatha once they were on the ground. He was a good man and someone who you wanted at your back in a fight whether it was with mechs or just a bar room brawl.

“Trilobyte lead to dropship, all trilobytes good for release over drop zone.” Agatha heard Jane answer giving the captain a green light for drop.

“Understood Trilobyte, you are green for lauch, drop in thirty seconds. Wolfenbach units you are green for launch. Good luck and good hunting people.” The dropship captain responded and Agatha watched as the drop cocoon closed around her mech and she felt it shift as it was moved to the drop chute.

Zum Zum, Europa

Three figures hung by their necks in the night watching the sky as they swung with no support. On the head of each perched a hat of some kind, the large floppy one pushed to one side by the hangman’s rope.
“Vhat iz dat?” one of them asked the other two, trying to gesture up into the sky with his chin and his fez.

“Vhat is vhat?” another asked. “Maxim, i tink dot de lack uf oxygen iz finally getting to Oggy's brain”

“Possibly, bot I can’t see anyting.” The Maxim replied.

“No, dere iz someting op dere Dimo und it looks like its headink diz vay.” Oggy responded. “In fact it looks like its burnink.”

“Then how vill it gets here if its burnink?” Maxim asked

“Ah, Hy see it now, und hyu're right it looks like its burnink.” Dimo answered. “Bot vho knows if ve ever find out. Don't vorry about it, if its for us ve gets it, und if not, den it von't matta."

Oggy grunted an acknowledgement but continued to watch the burning light as it passed overhead spitting out small bits as it went.
Wolf wins every fight but one, and in that one he dies, his fangs locked on the throat of his opponent.