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Author Topic: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)  (Read 100847 times)

Publicola

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1410 on: 28 April 2021, 22:19:27 »
I had a huge comment with feedback, but the site ate my homework, so I'm retyping it. Thanks for writing; I've enjoyed your story immensely.

I had two points of critique:
1) Early in Book 1, you hit readers with a barrage of battlegroup lists, so many names of regiments and divisions that it seemed to blur together. Once all of the moving parts reached its destination at Thazi, you were able to focus much more on characters and events, and the story hit its stride, but those early sections were really off-putting. It read less like a story and more like the appendix to a textbook -- and I say that as someone who actually reads the appendices to books. There are still occasional mega-lists that get dropped on us, but at least they're few and far between compared to the story posts.

2) During the timeskip between Book 1 and 2, you kinda dropped the ball. You made it clear at the end of Book 1 that the Hegemony in Exile was going to keep a careful eye on Terra and on Comstar, and that no malfeasance would be allowed. Yet, despite being aware of (and actively countering) Comstar operations like Holy Shroud, despite taking over one (of five) 'Holy Worlds' for its own use, the Hegemony never takes the obvious step of removing Comstar from the equation. You set up a pretty obvious Chekov's Gun... and then it never fired. Sure, they remain in exile in the Periphery because the states of the Inner Sphere aren't ready for peace -- fair enough. But that's unrelated to what they do with Comstar. After all, Comstar is an incredibly secretive organization that restricts travel to Terra, and the Hegemony outright *controls* its internal security (between highly-placed agents in ROM, and wiretaps on literally every HPG in the Inner Sphere). Especially after the development of slipstream tech, it's almost inconceivable that the Hegemony never thought of launching a soft coup and taking over Comstar for themselves. Gradually de-program the Blakist cult, but keep the secret bases on 'Holy Worlds', keep the military stockpiles, and above all keep the *staggering* income generated by having a monopoly on communication in the Inner Sphere.  The Hegemony proper remains in exile, while Comstar works to lay the foundations for its return.

The best part is, you wouldn't even need to change much. Comstar would retain its public identity, Holy Shroud would fail to cut the legs out of Inner Sphere development, you can keep the changes you made to the timeskip years, but Comstar would be an asset rather than the first domino to fall during the Hegemony's return. Perhaps the 'deprogramming the Blakist cult' wasn't fully successful, so you could still include Comstar's involvement in various events (the Precentor who advised Anton Marik to start his civil war, for instance) to keep recent history the same. Given recent posts, it's clear that you're treating Comstar not as the 'final boss' but as an early obstacle that the Hegemony must deal with before the confrontation with the Combine and ultimately the response to the Clan Invasion. This way you'd be able to have your cake (timeskip to the most interesting years of Battletech history) and eat it too (avoiding a two-hundred-year Idiot Ball where the Hegemony fails to take even the most basic steps of laying the groundwork for their return).

Iron Grenadier

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1411 on: 28 April 2021, 22:37:51 »
Ross 248

 The HPG message caused a scramble from Admiral Jonathon Halsey. "Commanding General Mitchell has been shot during a parley. General engagement. 2nd Battle Squadron and 3rd Pursuit Squadron make preparations for emergency jump to Terra. If it fly's Comstar colors we kill it on sight. Everyone else stays here. Nav, plot our jump and let's get into the fight. Comm, fire off the message we have via relay to Versailles. Code Phrase Brimstone. They will know what to do."

Sounds like he is living up to his ancestor -
"Hit hard, hit fast, hit often," - Fleet Admiral William Frederick Halsey Jr

2ndAcr

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1412 on: 28 April 2021, 22:48:55 »
4 June 3031
Terra (Comstar)


 An hour after detecting the inbound Comstar warships, Admiral Jimmy Buckley smiled the point defenses aboard SLS Nebraska II, Texas Battleship downed the incoming capital missiles. He watched the plot as their return fire of capital missiles struck home. "Admiral, we have emergence signatures inbound."

 "Well we are commited to our own fight right now. So we will all just say a tiny prayer that it is our help rather than more Comstar warships." Admiral Jimmy Buckley said not taking his eye's off the plot board.

 He could plainly see that the Comstar warships had also taken note of the incoming emergence signatures and had increased their braking maneuvers. He mentally did his own calculations and smiled grimly, your screwed, before you can brake down and get away I will be on top of you and then you will face this ships full wrath, he thought.

 "Emergence. 2nd Battle Squadron has been identified at the Terra L1 point. Incoming broadcast."

 "Buckley, Halsey. I have 3rd Pursuit Squadron divided up. 31st Cruiser Division is coming in at the Nadir, 32nd Cruiser Division at Zenith and 33rd Destroyer Division is coming in at Saturn's L2 point. I have 2nd Battle Squadron with me, where do you want us?" Admiral Jonathon Halsey's voice came thru loud and clear

 "Glad to see you Halsey. I made the call for Brimstone. So we will modify the plan as such. In another 10 minutes we will be on these Comstar warships. We have a Regiment on the ground with General Mitchell, she's been hard hit but the troops at Hilton Head could use some help." Admiral Jimmy Buckley said

 "At least she is alive. They will get all the support we can give them." Admiral Jonathon Halsey replied

 "Comm, tell those damn fool Comstar warships to surrender or die, I will not ask again." Admiral Jimmy Buckley said. Brimstone was a modified plan to invade Terra. It had evolved when it was decided they needed a separate plan for an emergency invasion of Terra. Within a week there will be another Division in system from Versailles, and within a month another 4-6 Divisions will arrive.

Versailles (Hegemony)

 When Commanding General Michelle Mitchell had made the decision to go to Terra, she had ordered a HPG relay of ships established. These ships relayed the Brimstone call to Versailles. Waiting at the Nadir Jump Point were 2 Riga Transports, SLS Dragonfly and SLS Firefly. Between them they carried the Dropships of the 295th Battlemech Division, designated as the QRF for this area of the Federated Suns operations. AT the Zenith Jump Point was a single Potemkin Transport, SLS Saratoga. She carried the Dropships for the 331st Royal Battlemech Division, ordered here by Director General Mark Cameron for additional force. They too began their calculations.

 On the surface, a massive HPG dish, three times the size of a normal HPG dish, fired a single powerful notification pulse 10 seconds before it unleashed a powerful pulse that would prevent any hyperspace fields from forming for 20 minutes. The target was Thazi, 796LY away. It would take the message 5 minutes to travel the distance. There were exactly 5 of these massive HPG stations, Thazi, Versailles, Azur, Columbus and Drachenfeld. With a range of 1,000LY, they were the most powerful HPG's ever built. So massive was their pulse that normal HPG's would be destroyed which limited their use to only between themselves. But so vital were they for long distance communications the expense was considered worth it for the most important communications.

Thazi (Hegemony)

 Director General Mark Cameron was looking forward to the day Michelle returned from the Inner Sphere. He had not been happy about her plan to go to Terra when she informed him of it. So he had deployed the 331st Royal Battlemech Division as an added safe guard. He looked up when a messenger entered and handed him a message. He took and read the message. The messenger saw the anger flash over the Director General as he crumpled the message in his hands. The messenger departed as quick as she could as the Director General reached for a phone.

 "Rebecca, Mark. Michelle has been shot on Terra. Plan Brimstone has been enacted. Please make the needed calls. Thank you." Director General Mark Cameron said then hung up the phone. He suddenly felt very alone, Michelle shot, Anastasia so far away, dear god, what will she do when she learns of this, he suddenly thought.

2ndAcr

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1413 on: 28 April 2021, 22:55:50 »
Publicola,

 Critique accepted. Part One was a pain to track, all those units, their locations and such. I made the decision to streamline (not so many mega lists and such) for Part Two. Not saying you will not see them, but further between at least. It's one thing to focus on 10-20 worlds at a time, writing anyway, but no way any more than that.

 The Hegemony failures will be spelled out a little later. But so all know, we are fast approaching the end of Part Two (48 pages) and I would like to wrap up the taking of Terra before we move to Part Three. Cannot believe this has lasted that long.

cawest

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1414 on: 28 April 2021, 23:30:55 »
man i so can not wait for the next update.  i wonder if the Screaming Eagles are going to get called in for back up.  i will say that i didn't expect the battle of Terra so soon..... great call.   

Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1415 on: 29 April 2021, 03:31:55 »
*snip*
...the 295th Battlemech Division, designated as the QRF for this area of the Federated Suns...
*snip*
This is SO Hegemony!  :D

willis

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1416 on: 05 May 2021, 21:40:58 »
I gotta say you have me hooked on this saga....eagerly awaiting the conclusion if this section!

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1417 on: 06 May 2021, 16:07:34 »
I am eagerly awaiting the next entry. This isn't easy to do, given how much research  2ndAcr does with it, including playout the actual battles and such.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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cawest

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1418 on: 06 May 2021, 18:53:28 »
I am eagerly awaiting the next entry. This isn't easy to do, given how much research  2ndAcr does with it, including playout the actual battles and such.

same here.  i check every day to see if more has been posted. 

2ndAcr

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1419 on: 07 May 2021, 23:47:35 »
Trying for an update this weekend folks, sorry work got busy and I had to make a road trip to a job site for another branch to get it back on track. Just got home. But I did get some playing time of some battles. LOL Just no writing done on the entries.

 

Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1420 on: 08 May 2021, 03:20:58 »
Just glad to hear we'll be getting another post soon!  :thumbsup:

cobaltcoil

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1421 on: 14 June 2021, 08:34:38 »
Has something happened to 2ndAcr? Missing my fix of his story.

Iron Grenadier

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1422 on: 14 June 2021, 08:40:40 »
If I remember right he works on/in the HVAC industry (note - not hyper velocity autocannons), and this time of year he is very busy.

Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1423 on: 14 June 2021, 15:10:25 »
Last I heard from him, he's re-working something that didn't go like he wanted.  That plus the time of year is likely the cause of the delay.

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1424 on: 14 June 2021, 21:50:48 »
Well, Hegemony is invading Terra.   I hadn't expected that to happen so soon...
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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DOC_Agren

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1425 on: 21 July 2021, 22:41:16 »
Spend the last few days getting caught up here
So glad to see Primus Myndo Waterly thought clearly about shooting someone who came to chat with a warship in orbit...   :o :o :o :o

No need to develop the Enhanced PPC really... it achieved headcap capability at range.  If you want something scary, make a Blazer Cannon out of clan ER Larges (7 tons, 2 crits, 20 heat, 15 damage, ALL THE RANGE!).
Gee I'm shocked you would want a Super Blazer   8)

Man, Michelle Mitchell didn't do such hot job raising her girls to be able handle social events.  Its like she never been out before!   15 straight to military it seems does make social butterfly.   I do think Melissa should try to communicate with Ana more, she was infantry commander briefly too.
She has but her Sisters would be the Flash Points why she waited for anyone to get by..





"For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast, And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed:And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill, And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!"

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1426 on: 22 July 2021, 05:44:44 »
It will be interesting when the Clans do arrive to come and find out the Terran Hegemony been there while they were gone somehow.

I just hope 2ndArc has time to write. 

I am in the meantime been fixing the PDF i made of Book 1/Part I.  Word doc i used had got some weird distortions I'm fixing.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1427 on: 22 July 2021, 15:46:42 »
What kinds of distortions?  ???

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1428 on: 22 July 2021, 18:35:37 »
What kinds of distortions?  ???
Minor stuff, like Moving paragraphs by a line causing the chapter heading like 3 October 2769 / Thazi (Periphery) to end up between two separate pages, or parts of a sentence at end of the page to go vertical down the page. I think it text boxes PDFs got weird kept the words in separate parts.  I sometimes have access to a PDF editor and been correcting it in the PDF itself verses re-converting it word doc into a PDF.  I was also fixing some grammar mistakes i missed.  I spoke to 2ndAcr if was okay to do , which he said it was fine.  I'm nearly done, i think i can finish it up next week.

I am dying see Part 2 / Book 2 to continue.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
-Editor on Battletech Fanon Wiki

Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1429 on: 22 July 2021, 18:45:57 »
Ah, formatting problems.  You'd think Word and Acrobat were written by two different companies or something...  ::)

DOC_Agren

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1430 on: 22 July 2021, 20:19:18 »
Ah, formatting problems.  You'd think Word and Acrobat were written by two different companies or something...  ::)
or designed to "work" with each other... :o 8)
"For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast, And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed:And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill, And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!"

cklammer

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1431 on: 23 July 2021, 03:10:04 »
LibreOffice Writer might the better choice if well formatted PDFs are regularly required ... at least in my personal experience (which is somewhat limited to minually generating hundreds one-pagers out of MS-Word-docs in old MS Word format as part of an really weird and aged workflow process I am forced to use at work  :-\).

paulobrito

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1432 on: 23 July 2021, 03:25:32 »
I use a mix of LibreOffice and Bullzip PDF Printer, without any problems for several years.

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1433 on: 23 July 2021, 08:46:42 »
I use a mix of LibreOffice and Bullzip PDF Printer, without any problems for several years.
I didn't know LibreOffice was a thing, I've been using OpenOffice for my personal Laptop  I didn't know Open was no gone.  Do they have a free PDF editor? That's real thing i need.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
-Editor on Battletech Fanon Wiki

paulobrito

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1434 on: 23 July 2021, 09:03:53 »
I didn't know LibreOffice was a thing, I've been using OpenOffice for my personal Laptop  I didn't know Open was no gone.  Do they have a free PDF editor? That's real thing i need.

Yes, just open the pdf with LibreOffice and you can edit it.
The latest version is 7.1.5.2 in 32 and 64 bits (windows), 64 bits only for Mac and Linux (debian and rpm).

Daryk

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1435 on: 23 July 2021, 15:46:56 »
I thought LibreOffice was just a rebranding of OpenOffice? ???

paulobrito

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1436 on: 23 July 2021, 16:38:36 »
I thought LibreOffice was just a rebranding of OpenOffice? ???

Well, When OpenOffice is acquired by Oracle, most of the development team get out and started LibreOffice. LibreOffice started in 2011 - 10 years ago.
These days are very distinct products. IMHO, LibreOffice is the superior product, with more releases and development, but that's me.
I use LibreOffice for several years, and is good enough for me.

Seydlitz

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1437 on: 23 July 2021, 17:10:00 »
Wrangler, your work on the PDF for this is most appreciated. But everyone can we keep the discussion on the finer points of document organization to it's own more appropriate thread versus cluttering the story thread please?

In all honesty it's frustrating to receive notifications for the story, only to discover mundane posts that aren't even at least reviews or opinions on the story itself.

Wrangler

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Re: Fate Can Be Cruel (Part Two)
« Reply #1438 on: 23 July 2021, 19:16:23 »
He likely going start next part book with the invasion.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
-Editor on Battletech Fanon Wiki