Register Register

Author Topic: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)  (Read 6676 times)

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« on: 11 September 2020, 18:51:14 »
Rule One: something about supervillainy seems to bring out the ham.  More than it does with Heroes.  I'm standing in line at the Consolidated Trust Bank, I've got my Veteran's Administration check, two pills in my prescription bottle, and a fat guy in front of me who doesn't seem to understand how to fill out a fleeping deposit slip.

Welcome to Thursday in my private hell.

"Consolidated Trust" is right here in beautiful, dying Aberdeen, Washington.  As in Washington State, in the United States.

the fat guy who can't fill out a deposit slip, is arguing with a stick-thin bottle blonde who either has a serious problem with venting body heat, or really wants other men looking at her ass-which is the only thing (barely) covered by her shorts.

Up ahead of me, are the rest of the welfare crowd, being as it's government-check-day.  Most of them are going to sign the back for cash, a few, like the single mom near the head of the line, are probably going to try to feed family members off an olympic combo-that's WIC, Welfare, and either disability or AFDC (sometimes both).

I don't have a problem with that.  Not really. 

the line moves up one step.  Fat guy is still hemming over how to fill out the slip and quietly arguing with 'hot'? chick.

I look at the clock on the wall.  It's noon, my appointment at the Pharmacy's at two.

"EVERYONE DOWN DONT BE A HERO THIS IS A ROBBERY!!!"

Must be new.  Our announcer and entertainment for the day looks like he took a little too much time making his costume for the Elites Convention...except costumes don't usually come with built in pyrotechnics, and the mask looks professional-set up to hide things like jaw-line, cheekbones...

But dumbshit forgot to cover his eyes.

then again, he can't be top-shelf grade A supervillain if he's robbing a nowhere bank in a city that's been losing people faster than detroit since Weyerhauser left.

the SMART villains hit banks in Cities where the unemployment rates are lower than sixty percent.  The really smart ones do their robberies on-line like civilized people.

I just want to get this over so I can get my Government-issued happy pills.

Still, plasma.  it might work.  flip the mental coin.

"Hey, ******! back of the line okay?" I yell at him.

OH...me, you want to know what I look like...at least in the 'now' of 2005.

dipshit, whatever.  I can cut my hair...mostly.  to get to 'shorter' styles requires tin-snips.  On a dare, I burned up a power-grinder trying to get the Sinead O'Connor look.  That was when I was sleeping in this lovely flop in Portland right after I got home from the ****** sandbox, and had delusions of being a singer.

didn't work out okay, that.  it's not lack of talent, if I do say so myself, it's the whole being flaky and screwing off instead of rehearsing.  You get a bad rep, even in a nowhere scene, and you're done.  Nobody wants a singer who doesn't show up because she's trying (and failing) to get high.

"DEFIANCE! Well, You have just volunteered to be the victim of Lord Plasmaoord!!!"

okay, I'm-a-gonna guess this kid is new to this, he's here because it's easier to debut and make rep in smaller towns, and Aberdeen does qualify as a city...somehow.

I mean, it's not small.  Not really.  Oquitlam Washington in the beautiful Okanogan qualifies as small.  Small enough I'd have to answer questions about why my DD214 is "3M" and Uncle Sam got a doctor to specify all the civil rights I'm no longer entitled to, and th e pity is just...cloying.

"Dude, just...can't it wait fifteen ****** minutes?" I snap at him.

He sneers and lances me with his plasma.

which ruins a perfectly good 'Bonham' tour shirt I found at the Thrift store...******.

"Dude, I liked that shirt."

His eyes are no-shit big as saucers.

People around me, the people on the floor? they're blinking away the burning, searing side effect of watching excited plasma fail to excite more than the dead layers of my skin.

Huh.  sunburn.  Kid has potential.

"Tellya what, Lord dingus...why not try something creative, like...aiming at my mouth? AWWHHHHH!!"

props for trying. have to give him props for trying.  It doesn't taste as bad as my last try with a shotgun.  that tasted like ass and I was sneezing bb's for a couple days.

also ruined a perfectly good shotgun.  My attempt to join the Kurt Cobain rod and gun club was...unsuccessful.

he's so distraught about it, he's pointing it at a cowering civilian.

Well, that's not gonna do.

I'm not a hero...but I'm still, sometimes, a decent Person...maybe.

it's three steps forward, and I grab his crackling, energy-wrapped hand.

and slap it.  "NO!! BAD Villain Wannabe, we don't point lethal power at civilians!  Are you...wait, of course you're stupid..."

I headbutt him.  Not too hard.  It's not the strength, it's the weird side-effects of my power...powers? ****** that.  basically if there's something I hit, and something is going to break, it's the something I hit, not me.

makes committing suicide a real bitch.  when I'm low on the government happy pills, and I get the memories of what I saw and what we did over there? well...those aren't so bad, it's the memory of ninety seven days in enemy hands, and what they tried to do to me.

Not directly.  They used a 'conduit' a channeler, a psychic, so I had to experience every second of the torture they did to those people...and those people, they blamed me.  I could feel it.

I'm not a hero.  heroes go up against things that can actually hurt them.

I just want to go buy my happy pills and make it to Therapy this afternoon.

'small steps', right?

kid starts bawling.  His 'fire' goes out.

no, I didn't kill him.  He's a ****** TEENAGER, probably listens to that whiny pop crap.  "Shhh..." I hold him still, and say, "You're not ready. Power's worthless if you can't control it, and if you're going to rob something, rob something that's worth robbing, not a little corner bank."

I let the kid go.  "Get out of my sight, if you show up again, I'm going to have to actually hurt you."

The kid makes tracks before the call's reached Olympia.  Which is fine, because it's going to be an hour or so before they can get an Icebox up here to take him into custody anyway, and we don't have any superheroes this far from Seattle.

at least, anyone worth a shit.

"My shirt, is ruined."  I check my back pocket.

The check's okay though.

"Anyone mind if I cut in line?" I ask.

nobody raises an objection.

"I'm making a deposit, Claire..."

"Lisa...that was..."

"Inconvenient."  I remind her, "Come on, I'm airing the boobs here and I want to get back to the car so I can cover up for the cops."

Huh...I wonder if...nah.  Suicide by Hero doesn't usually work out, and I wouldn't do it here anyway.  These people have been screwed with enough.  Claire gives me my reciept, and I head back out the door.

First stop? Rite-aid, the second is the Legion Hall where my shrink donates his time, and they have two dollar beer.

The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Giovanni Blasini

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4868
  • And I think it's gonna be a long, long time...
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #1 on: 11 September 2020, 19:01:45 »
This is definitely something.  What that something is, I'm not yet sure.  But, I definitely want to tune in to find out.
"“Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.” -- Stephen Hawking

worktroll

  • Ombudsman
  • Colonel
  • *
  • Posts: 22545
  • 504th "Gateway" Division
    • There are Monsters in my Sky!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #2 on: 11 September 2020, 19:17:59 »
Tagged for great glory!
* No, FASA wasn't big on errata - ColBosch
* The Housebook series is from the 80's and is the foundation of Btech, the 80's heart wrapped in heavy metal that beats to this day - Sigma
* To sum it up: FASAnomics: By Cthulhu, for Cthulhu - Moonsword
* Because Battletech is a conspiracy by Habsburg & Bourbon pretenders - MadCapellan
* The Hellbringer is cool, either way. It's not cool because it's bad, it's cool because it's bad with balls - Nightsky
* It was a glorious time for people who felt that we didn't have enough Marauder variants - HABeas2, re "Empires Aflame"

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #3 on: 11 September 2020, 19:32:21 »
Legion Hall beer is nice. I mean, it's still that piss they bottle in south seattle out here, Ranier, but they at least have it on tap so you don't get the skunky aftertaste from the plastic bottles.

Deke Hawkes is an actual hero.  way back before I was born, he carried two buddies fourteen miles up a mountain trail while wounded.  For which, he rightly got a Navy Cross.

"Sup Quentin?" he asks.

"check day." I tell him.  "I yet remain a drain on the collective wealth of this nation."

he motions to Gary, who fills me a glass of piss-poor Washington State beer.  Hey, at least it's not Schmidt.

"Heard you had a little excitement." Deke leads.

"Deke, the kid was clearly his first time out and had no idea what he was doing.  He ruined my shirt."

"you let him go?"

"I let him go.  NOT a hero, not licensed, bonded or certified...well, except maybe by Uncle Sam's Psychiatric doctors."

"you called your aunt this week?" he asks.

"NO." I tell him.  "What would I say?  'Hi Aunt Cindy, sorry I haven't been around, by the way, I'm one of those super-freaks and the government doesn't want me back'?"  I give the barman my card, he runs it, and starts my tab, "By the way, my nightmares fracture concrete and there might be some men by from the Department of Superhuman Affairs to see if I'm ready to cave and go work with the spandex brigade again?"

"That sounds like a decent start." he tells me.

"NO. It's not.  Look, I don't have anything against cops, Deke, but while I was in the hands of those terrorists, my mom died in prison for selling pot and getting cancer...treatable cancer. I am not going to haul off and put on a federal badge to go put some kid away for sneaking a joint onto an airliner, especially since I've got papers to show Uncle Sam doesn't trust me to vote, drive a car, or own a gun."

"Last time you owned a gun, you tried to eat the bullets." he reminds me.

"Yeah, so?"  I shrug, "I was depressed, they have pills for that, I take them."

"You eat them like tic-tacs, Lisa."

"so I do." I hoist my brew, he clinks it with his, in his VA-issue, half-the-time-broken, prosthetic hook.

"Weren't you supposed to get a new one of those?" I ask him.

"Yeah, get fitted in march for it."

"MARCH?? it's November now..."

"Lots of guys worse off than me, Lisa." he tells me seriously, "I can wait, there are kids your age and younger who really should have priority."

"I hear that, and then, I look at you not getting...EUGH!!"

"I'm used to it. Look, it took them thirty years to admit Agent orange was a thing, and I lost buddies to it the whole time, at least this time, they're prioritizing the kids coming home ahead of us old fossils."

"Deke, it's not right."

"In my experience, it never is." he said, "Except when we make it right."

i open my first prescription bottle, and take five with the rest of my first beer.

"I do not swallow expensive antidepressants like tic-tacs." I tell him,"I ingest them like aspirin."

"Distinction noted.  Wanna play some pool Kid?"

"Sure."  the teevee's ESPN is interrupted in the middle of a piece on Seattle's big-name hero, 'The Seahawk'.  Personally, I don't get the big deal, he basically plays the merch game and does some super-power exhibition stuff that's more like dancing.  There's a guy down in California who's got almost the same powers, but Black Rooster actually fights real criminals.

y'know, when he's not hawking sports drink or gym memberships.

"You've got powers, Lisa." Deke tells me, "You don't have to sign up for uncle sam's superpolice, there's private sector groups..."

"Uh, no, I have a power, and it's kind of not showy, also doing that would make my laundry bill go through the roof-it doesn't extend past my SKIN."

"Being invulnerable's a hell of a power, Lisa."

"No, it's not." I tell him, "Sure, it'd be great-if I..."  if I didn't want to die "...was normal.  but hey, yah, let's look at that seriously. NOT super-strong to go with it, not super-fast, i don't fly, i don't see through walls, I can't pick up scent trails, I don't have access to the electromagnetic spectrum...and that means my 'super career' is confined to 'brute force'-which ruins my clothing and makes messes.  I can imagine the name they'd come up with though- 'the amazing gimp-girl!!' no, ******, thank you.  You imagine what it would look like if I took on someone like Striker or Empyrion?  maybe even if I won-the news would have to insert those little censor-bars!" 

He grins a little too widely, "I'd watch that."

"You're a dirty old man and if your wife heard you say that she'd ban you from hanging out with me."

"Touche." he says, "Rack 'em up."

I rock the balls in the triangle, lift it up, and pick out a bar-cue for me, while Deke sets up his custom, handicap-friendly cue stick.  "look at you, Captain Cue."

He laughs.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Dave Talley

  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 3187
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #4 on: 11 September 2020, 20:49:56 »
oooh supers with issues
Resident Smartass since 1998
“Toe jam in training”

Because while the other Great Houses of the Star League thought they were playing chess, House Cameron was playing Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker the entire time.
JA Baker

Brother Jim

  • Lieutenant
  • *
  • Posts: 878
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #5 on: 11 September 2020, 21:51:19 »
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

DOC_Agren

  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 2136
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #6 on: 11 September 2020, 22:57:27 »
I'm not sure what the ride going to be but I'm here for it
"For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast, And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed:And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill, And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!"

Artifex

  • Master Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 222
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #7 on: 12 September 2020, 03:41:10 »
I have yet to see a tie-in to BT here ... but it's gonna be an interesting ride!  :thumbsup:

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #8 on: 12 September 2020, 06:54:18 »
"Hey, Lisa, check it out, the teevee!"

I look up instead of taking my shot.  The television had a picture of what looks like a Faberge egg on a pillar of fire.  The caption at the bottom, says 'Sea-Tac'.

I put the butt of the cue-stick on the floor, and watch with everyone else.

"So, I wonder which parahuman nutjob those belong to?"  I'm not impressed.  Why should I be? Seattle has four superheroes, five if you count Warhawk up in Lynnwood, plus 11th Special Forces out of Fort Lewis, and,if whichever would-be world conqueror this is beats those guys they can still call in Seal Team 41 out of Port Angeles.

the fancy easter-egg's got garage doors on the lower half, and there are armored figures jumping out.

"Huh.  I don't have a scale but..."  it drops down to where we can see the buildings-and one of the 'airborne' figures landing next to a 747.

"Big stuff, so who shat the bed over in Langley and let someone build giant robots?"  Deke muses.

I snort.  The Mahdi was something Langley created and shat the bed on, we had to deal with him because he got to be too big a mess for the norms.  "Not sure." I confess.

I have my own suspicions. 

"Markings don't look familiar, wish that Cameraman had his shit together long enough to get a closeup."  Deke's got a thoughtful look on his face.

"You do not, this'll be over in an afternoon anyway, and we'll all hear about which big-brain nutjob got loose, probably while CNN is drooling over another 'trial of the century' before the guy is stuffed into Yucca Mountain for the rest of his life."  I'm pretty confident.  The guys from 11th are all solid operators, and so are the guys and girls from 41.  Their power-armor isn't, maybe, thirty feet tall or anything, but they're plenty to handle some weirdo's homebuilt giant robot army, and Seal Team 41 helped deal with a Kaiju in Tokyo Bay last year.

The barman raises his eyebrows and motions a 'turn it up' with his hand, and Deke shakes his head.  It's some super's bid for dominance and we're not them.

Let the Professionals handle it.  I chalk my cue, and turn around to take my shot.

Nice, smooth break.

The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #9 on: 12 September 2020, 07:12:05 »
Deke's got me down and he's two balls from winning when the floor of the bar vibrates with a roar.

"What the hell?"  I look up, as the lights go out and teevee stops working.  There's thunder outside.

We head outside, and I see it settling down near the middle of town, on 101, right before the bridge between Aberdeen and Kamiak.

another ****** egg.

this time I can see the markings pretty clear. They like the stylized anime-inspired artwork, that's a fact.  way to ruin my social day, ******.

Remember that kid who was going to rob the bank?  How I said it'd take them an hour to come pick his ass up?

Well, he intelligently ditched the costume, at least, but the thirty-something foot tall cross between a star wars chickenwalker and the front end of an Apache, kicked over a State Patrol Icebox truck, and the kid's covering behind the vehicle, trading plasma fire with said giant chickenwalker robot.

Aberdeen-Hoquiam doesn't have professionals, and if they're landing here, it means...

"Deke?"

"Yeah?"

"that kid's going to get his ass crushed."

"Probably."

****** you god.  ****** you and ****** me.

"You wanna claim a win on the game, Deke?"

"Sure."

I hand him one of my five dollar bills. "Rematch when it's over?"

"You bet."

I trot out to where dumbshit is trying to flay the armor off of a giant walking war machine, just about in time, too-the van he's covering behind isn't going to be cover for much longer.

I tackle stupid kid with plasma powers, in time for the first fifty milimeter shell from that walking tank to hit me just above my left kidney.

Kid sprawls as I take the shot that was going to turn him into a crater lined with vapor.  the second and third ones hit my left shoulder, and give my hair a cut right down to the skin.

"YOU! Get to COVER!!"  I tell dumbshit.

dumbshit nods and runs.

"HEY ******!! YOU RUINED  MY POOL GAME!!"  I pick up a piece of burst Icbox van, and huck it at the cockpit glass.

I guess I'm stealing laundry by the time this is over.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Sharpnel

  • Lieutenant Colonel
  • *
  • Posts: 11818
  • Up, up and away!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #10 on: 12 September 2020, 08:14:51 »
So is this a BT/Champions crossover with Time Travel somehow involved.
Consigliere Trygg Bender, ZEU-6BL Zeus, The Blazer Mafia
Takehiro 'Taco' Uchimiya, VND-1R Vindicator 'Taco', Crimson Oasis Trading Company
Tai-i Shizuko Lofgren, Third Infantry Company, Oniwaka

The Honor of Men cannot be bound by the words of Fools - Marco Hietala
"Of what use is a dream, if not a blueprint for courageous action" -Adam West
It's an Omni, so I can build it into whatever I please - JHB
"Life is too short to be living someone else's dream" - Hugh Hefner

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #11 on: 12 September 2020, 09:19:08 »
the walker just about notices me, and finishes off my jeans and my boots.  I pick up one of the slugs, it's about a .50 cal in size.

"Seriously??"  I flick it back and it bounces off his canopy.

I think I confused him.

hell, I know I confused him.  all the gun-muzzles on his walking tank are tracking me as I walk up to the leg of it.

remember what I told you about my power?  I punch the leg right where it joins into this reverse chicken-foot, about the ankle.

here's what happened.

the outer layer shattered.  then I punched it again, and the inner, rigid parts, start breaking.

dude lifts off on rockets, lighting the ends of my hair on fire and finishing my clothes.

it also melts the asphalt under my feet.  Now, let me tellya, liquid asphalt is hell to get out of your toenails-the shit sticks to everything.

even when it's on fire.

"Aww come ON!!"

his landing finishes what my punches began, and his walking tank winds up landing on a busted leg about 110 yards away.

right into this nice little house that's probably been empty for the last couple years.

even the for-rent sign is faded from sitting there and the grass wasn't kept up.

and he starts pumping gun fire-and I dont' mean little guns either, trashing half the street trying to hit me.

a couple of them do, and I get a good look at what's probably intended to be a DU Penetrator when it flattens between my...yeah.

I'm irritated, my crotch is chafing since he's using some kinda lazer to remove my body-hair...and when it misses, it's slicing through parked cars and wreckage.

dammit, I live here.

so I walk up on him, and his chopper-style cockpit is about eye level.

I knock.  using my full strength, like a roundhouse punch, I knock.

the glass spiderwebs (so some kind of super-tech material maybe? I can beat my way through concrete without breaking a sweat...)  the glass shatters and the guy in the seat's got a really freaked out look on his face.

"You're lowering the property values in a slum dickhead!!" I shout at him.

So naturally, having seen his walking tank do absolutely nothing besides turning me into an angry, one-woman burlesque review, he tries to shoot me in the face with a dinky little nine milimeter pistol.

I start breaking out the hole in his cockpit.  "Look, you jerk, the guns on your fancy robot didn't work, what the hell makes you think your pea-shooter sidearm will?"

gotta be a hench.  or just an idiot.

idiot hench? ding-ding-ding! he puts his hands in the air after he finishes the second magazine from his pistol.

"Out."  I jerk my thumb sideways, and he unbuckles from his pilot seat.

"Now, I'm not a cop, so you're going to sit over there-" I point at a park bench that's somehow managed to not be turned into twisted wreckage, "And you're going to wait quietly for the police to come pick your ass up, because if I hve to chase you down, I'm gonna hurt you."

about then, is when one of his friends show up in an entirely different kind of walking tank.  This one looks like someone glued the nose of a B-29 onto a...well...******.  I didn't like those cartoons, but it looks like something you'd see on Robotech from when I was a little kid.

"Surrender to the power of The Clan!!" booms across the park.

I cross my arms, while dude-bro who just failed to kill me runs the other way-out of the line of fire.  Smart man.

This one fires missiles out of boxes on the shoulders, and has a bunch of cannons and guns.

"Nope.  I don't think so, jerkoff.  Stupid name for your group, by the way."

it's not heroic.  I don't care. if he's focusing on me, he's not laying waste to a town that's had a couple decades of bad luck.  I flip him the bird.

He takes the bait.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Euphonium

  • Lieutenant
  • *
  • Posts: 1348
  • Look Ma, no Faction!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #12 on: 12 September 2020, 09:22:14 »
This is fun so far but I have to ask, am I meant to know who Lisa Quentin is?

(A quick google didn't run up anything obvious)
« Last Edit: 12 September 2020, 09:24:16 by Euphonium »
>>>>[You're only jealous because the voices don't talk to you]<<<<

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #13 on: 12 September 2020, 09:25:59 »
This is fun so far but I have to ask, am I meant to know who Lisa Quentin is?

(A quick google didn't run up anything obvious)

Lisa's my own creation, and I haven't finished her actual book yet, so...

I know, I'm playing with my toys out of order.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Euphonium

  • Lieutenant
  • *
  • Posts: 1348
  • Look Ma, no Faction!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #14 on: 12 September 2020, 09:32:16 »
Lisa's my own creation, and I haven't finished her actual book yet, so...

I know, I'm playing with my toys out of order.

I can relate to that  ;D

The "featuring.." in the title made me wonder if I should already know
>>>>[You're only jealous because the voices don't talk to you]<<<<

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #15 on: 12 September 2020, 09:35:27 »
Interlude: another perspective.

Star Commander Paul knew something went horribly wrong with the jump.  Terra was there, but everything, and I do mean everything was...wrong.

The arcologies were missing, there were no vast construction stations over Luna, just a sad little abandoned outpost with a single flag where Armstrong was supposed to be.

there was no challenge, or even acknowledgement of the Clan Warship bringing the invasion force, and sensor scans showed an almost pathetic lack of fusion power sources on the planet below.

but it was absolutely, in every aspect, in the right place for Holy Terra.

Of course, this had to be a trick.  Something the Word of Blake had somehow done.

His Cluster embarked for landings on the old Star League capital, and the landings had gone almost ludicrously unopposed, his own Trinary going to secure the critical military faciities that were supposed to be at Aberdeen.

"We are in the wrong place..."

that was fifteen minutes ago.  NOW, he saw one of his 'mechwarriors fleeing from a nude woman and the ruins of his 'mech.

and she had just turned around, yelled something incoherent, and made a gesture that had managed to survive a thousand or more years of human civilization.

this is the wrong place. but...it could not be, could it?
« Last Edit: 15 September 2020, 15:02:55 by Cannonshop »
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

georgiaboy

  • Master Sergeant
  • *
  • Posts: 272
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #16 on: 12 September 2020, 09:36:18 »
This is really nice.
I can picture the scene.
Just don't blow the Denny's there in Down Town. That is one of the only landmarks I know for the Highway turn toward Olympia.


Been a few years since I cruised thru there.
"Constructive critism is never a bad comment"
-Me

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #17 on: 12 September 2020, 09:55:55 »
I don't bother with letting him display his no-doubt amazing abilities at inaccurate urban renovation.  as it is, the city's probably going to want to charge me for the mess in the park.

jokes on them, I don't have any money.

I run up to the second,bigger, chicken-walker walking tank, and give the thing's foot a good, hard, goal-winning kick.

which sets off the explosives in the legs, doing the claymore treatment to everything in a forty foot circle.

I kick his foot again, and climb on for his inevitable rocket-to-freedom.

Disappointingly, he starts walking backward.

Okay then...I wedge my skinny ass up into the knee joint, and let pressure do what pressure does.  IN this case, breaking the knee, and making the walking tank fall down.

this buries one set of gun muzzles in the dirt.  I walk around to the back, and start punching my way in.  "Knock Knock! let me in! Knock Knock, Let Me In!!"

he starts thrashing, which just breaks more of his stuff.

In a world of cardboard and drywall, I'm the iron ****** maiden.

wait, that's got a copyright on it.

I punch my way up into the cockpit, and lay an arm over the pilot's neck.

"Let's talk property damages, asshat."  I tell him mock-coolly.  "Who's your boss and what's their angle henchie?"
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

idea weenie

  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 2440
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #18 on: 12 September 2020, 10:31:33 »
How long before a point of Elementals decides they want to deal with the annoying human?

Orangeduke38

  • Recruit
  • *
  • Posts: 6
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #19 on: 12 September 2020, 11:08:41 »
Nice little story. Its had me cracking up a lot and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes next.

Euphonium

  • Lieutenant
  • *
  • Posts: 1348
  • Look Ma, no Faction!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #20 on: 12 September 2020, 11:22:32 »
"Perhaps this one was so eager to to fight that she even bid away her clothes!"
>>>>[You're only jealous because the voices don't talk to you]<<<<

mikecj

  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 2039
  • Veteran of Galahad 3028
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #21 on: 12 September 2020, 11:47:41 »
They're gonna need more shrinks.
There are no fish in my pond.
"First, one brief announcement. I just want to mention, for those who have asked, that absolutely nothing what so ever happened today in sector 83x9x12. I repeat, nothing happened. Please remain calm." Susan Ivanova
"Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime." - Belkar Bitterleaf
Romo Lampkin could have gotten Stefan Amaris off with a warning.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #22 on: 12 September 2020, 12:06:47 »
Before he can get more than a few startled noises out, I see our young plasma-generator teenager running like his ass is on fire and his hair is catching.

and behind him, well...

They're bigger than SF suits, better armored looking, with bigger weapons.

I put a sleeper-hold on the cockpit guy, and crawl my ass back out of his robot.

Look, don't judge me, okay? I'm not a hero.  I am, however, a lot more likely to get their attention off the kid before they make him dead.

"Hey BOYYYYSSS!!!"  shit, that never works.

thankfully, I have mister pilot's sidearm, and believe it or not, I actually qualified with the M-9. 

This one has a little more recoil.  It did get the lead robot's attention, which got the interest of the other four.

I walk down the slope of the dead robot, and drop onto the now burnt grass and churned dirt.

I will need a bath after this, I think, I hope I get one.

"Quit picking on the kids and..."  one of them pops off at me with the Metroid Gun on his left arm. "...pick on someone your own size?"

okay, I'm smaller than they are.  It's the thought that counts.

I feel like there should be some bass-heavy, sleazy disco music starting.  You know, like those movies you see on Cinemax at two AM.

"So which one of you is Samas Aran?"

I feel like such a nerd knowing who that is.

Now, in the movies, when the hero of the movie issues their bold challenge, the mob of mooks come at him (or her) one at a time.  This never happens in real life.  Real tactics don't allow it, real common sense wouldn't either.

they came at me one at a time. who does that??


It turns out, beating up power armor with your fists is exhausting, and kind of upsetting for the giant ass guys wearing it.

Thankfully, I didn'th ave to beat up all of them.  Dumbshit with the  plasma powers finally made himself useful, and fried one.

but now we've got five prisoners and I have no idea what to do with them, except try to call the cops to come collect them.
« Last Edit: 12 September 2020, 12:10:32 by Cannonshop »
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

mikecj

  • Captain
  • *
  • Posts: 2039
  • Veteran of Galahad 3028
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #23 on: 12 September 2020, 12:22:57 »
 :D ;D ;D ;D ;D :thumbsup:

Nicely developing so far.  Thanks for sharing.
There are no fish in my pond.
"First, one brief announcement. I just want to mention, for those who have asked, that absolutely nothing what so ever happened today in sector 83x9x12. I repeat, nothing happened. Please remain calm." Susan Ivanova
"Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime." - Belkar Bitterleaf
Romo Lampkin could have gotten Stefan Amaris off with a warning.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #24 on: 12 September 2020, 12:50:58 »
"...my name's Ernest." Dumbshit finally comes clean.

"It okay to call you 'Ernie' then? or you got like, a middle name or something?"  Nobody should have to be called Ernest, no wonder he wanted to be a supervillain with a cheesy name.

"no." he says.  Kid tried to draw down on a walking tank, and picked a fight with a gang in power armor, and he's struggling not to look at my chest.  it would be adorable in a movie-or hilarious.

"Eyes," I tell him, lifting his chin, "My eyes are up here."

"Yes ma'am."

"Present... cell phone, Ernest."  I hold out my hand.

He puts a Samsung Galaxy 3 in it.  "Rich parents?"

"Yes Ma'am." he tells me.

"Great.  Call your parents after I call the cops-they don't need to be scared out of their damn minds worrying about you."

"They won't be.  Mom's in Catalina and Dad's living with his girlfriend in Tokyo."

"FIne, call them anyway...once I've gotten the cops..."

"Due to high call volumes...this is a recorded message for the Washington State Nine One One service, please hold on the line as we are experiencing delays due to high call volumes..."

Well...there goes that plan.

I turn around, "WHich one of you neanderthals is senior?"  Handing the phone back to Ernie.

walking-tank-driver-two raises his hand.

"Name, Rank, Service number." I tell him.

"Paul, Star Commander, what is a service number?"

Oh ****** no, no, no.

"Okay, Paul, 'star commander' sounds like an officer rank.  Get the rest of these monkeys lined up, we're marching-they act up, you pay the price, dig it?"

"Where are we going, uh...Lisa?" Ernie asks.

"Cop shop, to find out why it's a busy signal on all lines that aren't a recording."

"You're...ah...kinda naked."

"This has occurred to me, Ernie."

He takes off his flannel, it's not quite a nightshirt, but three or four sizes too big for the kid.  "Here."

I am so goddam grateful all of a sudden.  "thanks."

the compromise is to wrap the thing around my waist.  I can let the boobies be free, it's America, after all.

Ernie gives me his tee-shirt too.  Poor kid.  scrawny doesn't begin to describe it.  "Thanks."

"You need, like, a trenchcoat or something awesome." He tells me.

"I'm not a superhero...not a villain either."

"Yeah, but you could ditch it and pick it up later if you had one."

"good point..." I gesture with the pistol, "Let's go boys, single file down the street, don't make any stupid moves."

I think I left my Purse at the Legion hall.  Oh I hope I did.  I do NOT want to go through the lines you go through after losing your wallet.  Plus, now I have to buy clothes to go home in.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #25 on: 12 September 2020, 13:10:28 »
Turns out the police station's a crater.

"Column left, march." I have no idea where to take these guys now.

BUT...there's a 7-11 and it's not on fire.

so I march them there, and make 'em sit outside, "Ernie, you got money?" I ask, "I'll pay you back."

"Sure...what're you getting?"

"Beer and smokes, some jerky and water for the prisoners, you want anything?"

"Blueberry Slurpee?"

"Sounds like a plan."

half the shelves are shot to hell, nobody's around, I stop by the cold drinks aisle and grab some store-brand water and a couple gatorades.  They've got some big bite dogs on the heating rack, but nobody's manning the counter.

"Screw it, I'll pay it back later."  I mutter, and take all five, load mine with mustard, relish, and pico de gaiillo (however you ****** say it), the tomato-onions-pepper stuff, and grab two packs of Virginia Slims and a set of discount, injection-molded mass produced Seahawks rain gear ("raincoat and Pants! 19.99").

which lets me get Ernie his shirt back. 

the Mariners tee-shirts this year suck, but I grab another one anyway, and a lighter.  "Okay, now I'm a looter." I tell the big  curved mirror.  I toss the pair of twenties out of Ernie's wallet on the counter with a note promising to pay for the rest, and go back outside to the parking lot.

First I give Ernie his wallet, then the Slurpee.  I hand out water bottles and hot-dogs to the rest, and sit down to have a smoke while I figure out what the ****** to do next.
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #26 on: 12 September 2020, 13:27:21 »
Paul studied her in depth as she spoke with the boy who threw Particle bolts with his hands.  The boy was nervous and deferential to her, and she...

she might have been pretty, if only every other word from her mouth wasn't profanity.  the food wasn't good.  it was awful.  she ate the same thing she handed out, except for drinking beer instead of bottled water.

had he not personally seen what she did to Sidney's omnimech, she would seem to be nothing but another rustic spheroid, but he had.

and he had seen her dismantle the point of Elementals as well.  Not merely bare-handed, but naked

and now she wore ill-fitting, mass produced 'clothing' that would shame a laborer, while sitting on the concrete step in front of this supply point, trying to decide what to do with her captives.

He had suspected something had gone terribly wrong during the jump to Terra, but this...underscored how terribly wrong...and out of place, he and his warriors were.

he caught her staring across the street, at where the city's garrison had been, swearing under her breath.

The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

croaker

  • Warrant Officer
  • *
  • Posts: 637
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #27 on: 12 September 2020, 14:04:36 »
Quote
he caught her staring across the street, at where the city's garrison had been, swearing under her breath.

Somebody stepped on Dunkin Donuts? That's just cruel.

Cannonshop

  • Major
  • *
  • Posts: 4767
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #28 on: 12 September 2020, 14:31:29 »
It didn't take too much longer to find out what was going on in the rest of Washington State.

How did she do this, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you.  We went to the Legion Hall, and picked up my purse.

"They hit pretty fast, Lisa."  Deke's in charge for real, and there's a bunch of old guys, some of them from my group therapy, here with hunting rifles, AR-15's, AK's and stuff they brought home from Vietnam on the sly.  "Who are those guys?"

"Enemy soldiers, Deke, I don't have anywhere to keep them!"

"Yeah, I figured that...okay, we'll lock them in the basement for now.  Herlinger did some service time in Military intelligence, and Rice was an MP...Lisa, the Olympic Peninsula's still contested territory, but everything along I-5 from Portland to Vancouver's either under attack or occupied...and they sank the lincoln with some kind of space-based weapon."

shit. shit shit shit.

"Where's the Liberty Brigade then?" I ask.

He shrugs.  "Don't know, we know from Lee's talking on the radio that aside from some strategic strikes on U.S. bases, the continental united states hasn't been invaded-no landings west of the Cascades...yet."

"Do we have any contact with anyone?"

"Da.  Lee comes out of the back room, "Heya Lisa...I've got Baba Frikking Yaga on the DX, Deke.  The Russians are also getting hit, not as many forces, more orbital strikes."

I feel a chill at the name.  Baba Yaga, aka 'Mother Russia', here's a funny story for ya.  last year, 2007, while the politicians were arguing over who got credit for killing the Mahdi in Afghanistan, and the Department of the navy was keeping me in a rubber room?  the North Koreans had a 'stray' missile test, with a live nuke on it, that landed in Siberia.

She made it snow in Pyongyang for long enough to put a half-mile of ice on top of North Korea from the Chinese Border to the 38th Parallel.

Because they pissed her off.

Putin might be the Russian President, but pretty much everyone knows, Baba wears the pants in that relationship.

"For ****** real?" comes out of my mouth.

"yeah, she told me you were walking in, she wants to talk to Lisa Quentin."

gawd dammit.  what do you say to an unstable demigod?
The core rules for interacting with me:

1.) I am not a moderator, game developer, member of Cryptic staff, relative of any members of cryptic staff, not close friends with anyone involved with the game, not a distributor of product, not an employee, employer, professional reviewer, or member of any powerful conspiracies.  What I think is my own and has no impact on the Battletech franchise in any way, shape, or form.

2) If you don't like something I've said, refer to rule 1.  If you do, god help you poor soul, you're screwed up.

Euphonium

  • Lieutenant
  • *
  • Posts: 1348
  • Look Ma, no Faction!
Re: I got out of bed for this? (Featuring Lisa Quentin)
« Reply #29 on: 12 September 2020, 14:53:38 »
She made it snow in Pyongyang for long enough to put a half-mile of ice on top of North Korea from the Chinese Border to the 38th Parallel.

How long did that take, and what did it do to the rest of the world's weather patterns?  >:D
>>>>[You're only jealous because the voices don't talk to you]<<<<