Register Register

Author Topic: Story of mine I'm making  (Read 470 times)

GutRippa

  • Recruit
  • *
  • Posts: 3
Story of mine I'm making
« on: 10 April 2019, 18:06:23 »
Because of boredom, I conjured up this story. Please, tell me what I should alter and make better, and what I should retain for the future. Enjoy!







The ‘Mech shuddered from the impacts, a great volley of long-range missiles pounding across the armor. But it did not fall.
Grigori Gut-Rippa, Pirate Lord of the Periphery, kept the great machine upright, the custom-built ninety-tonner dubbed Roosevelt. No barrage was gonna topple him.
He had just walked with this magnificent war machine outside of the Union Class DropShip Big Kahuna when Lenli-I’s planetary defence forces got in gear. They had made a risky landing, right outside Virtol City, but they landed in complete surprise. When they had landed, the other DropShips were alongside them, and Grigori’s lance was preparing to move forward.
“Sir!” A female voice came from his helmet. “This is Slash, and we’ve detected four Long-range missile carriers, half a click away. Are you alright in there?”
“I’m shaken, but not stirred, Slash.” Slash, or rather, Isha Ulienes, was one of the four members of Grigori’s command lance. She came from the fighting pits in Solaris VII, and decided to tag along while she was visiting the Jolly Dodger ‘Mech Stables.
“Permission to engage, sir?” Grigori always liked her for her willing to get things done.
“Permission granted, Slash. Show em’ how we roll.”
Slash’s ‘Mech, a seventy-five ton Marauder, got to work. Moving at a brisk sixty-four kilometers per hour, the heavy ‘Mech would normally fall back a ways behind the missile carriers, unless they decided to stay put.
   Beside him, were two other Warriors. Jeffrey Gromins, in his seventy-ton Warhammer, and “Ivan”, in his own oddball ‘Mech, a hundred-tonner.
   Jeffrey Gromis went by the nickname “Smoked”, and came from the FedCom armed forces. He’d served with ‘Mechs all his time there, but was left behind lines when the clanners invaded. He had to lay low, and hide his ‘Mech in a warehouse hidden away in a forest.
   Then Grigori came, booted them off, and took their ‘Mechs. Jeffrey popped up, and now he was one of his honor guard.
   Ivan, though, was an enigma to everyone besides Grigori. He had no last name that anyone knew, and piloted a retro-fitted Diomede, a huge IndustrialMech rigged out to the bone. He had fought against, well, everyone on his home planet, somewhere called “Little River”. His was in the clan-controlled sectors, the planet being on the border between that and the Periphery.
   He refitted the giant Diomede, by himself, and decided he was sick with the Clanners and a few others on his planet. He went on a huge rampage, destroying a bit of the capital city on Little River, and slaughtered the Clan garrison.
   Grigori feared no man, but he certainly knew of a few he wouldn’t get in the way of, and Ivan is on that list. Fighting three clanners to the death, with an IndustrialMech, and winning, is a real horror story for ‘Warriors.
   When Grigori arrived on-planet, all he found was a confused yet happy people, some dead clanners on sticks, and a Diomede with spikes, sheet plate, second-hand armor and lots of barbed wire all over it.
Grigori decided to invite Ivan along, and let the FedCom buggers take the planet back.
   With these three ‘Mech jockeys at his command, not much stood in his way, and a backwater planet militia and it’s little long-range missile carriers was no exception.
   The sound of a PPC shook the comms unit, and a distant explosion sounded after.
“That’s one, sir!” Replied Slash. “Three remaining, and they look to be turning about. Shall I follow them, sir?”
   “Affirmative, Slash, but wait for the rest of us. I want to make sure these militia men know that we mean business.”
   The Roosevelt began to pick up speed. Lumbering to and fro across the open ground, it was a hideous machine by all means. It used the head of a Highlander, but everything else was, by all means, custom.
   The chest was armed with two medium range missile racks, while the left arm had a combination of medium lasers and a fist. In the right arm, a single AC/20 sat ready to launch heavy shells into the face of whatever Grigori didn’t like.
   He pointed the cannon towards a distant missile carrier, only half a kilometer away now, and pulled the trigger.
   The gun bellowed, and the shell flew towards home, and hit only inches below the carrier. That seemed to do it, however, and the machine flipped over from the explosion, with a large hole in its belly.
   “That’s two, fellas. The militia’s got two missile carriers, and a few ol’ ‘Mechs.”
   His lance moved out. Coming across the wreckage of one missile carrier, Grigori phoned home.
   “See if you can’t salvage this missile carrier I gutted, Big Kahuna. It’s got a big hole in it, but the rockets look alright.”
   “Will do, captain. Will do. Those ‘old mechs’ you were talking about are closing in on you, due north.”
   “What manner, Big Kahuna?”
   The commander of the DropShip took a while to reply. “It seems to be a medium and a heavy. Not sure which types, but it sure looks to me like a Centurion and a Rifleman. Good pickings, these ones.”
   “Alrighty, Big Kahuna. Get your salvage teams ready, I want ‘em.”
   The two ‘Mechs must have reached pretty close by then, since a single PPC shot ended the talk. Gromis’ Warhammer had turned about to Grigori’s left, and begun to unleash it’s weapons on the ‘Mechs.
   “Smoked! Be careful, I want the ‘Mechs. Autocannons aren’t exactly cheap, man.”
   Grigori turned his ‘Mech about, along with Ivan and his Diomede. Big Kahuna was spot on in it’s guessing, as usual. A Centurion and Rifleman, each one venerable ‘Mechs, were firing at their position.
   They didn’t stand a chance.
   Grigori and Ivan were closing fast. The ‘Mechs were looking to tear out the cockpits or something, which would allow for them to be salvaged relatively intact. While those two were gettin’ gutted, Isha and Jeffrey would turn those two missile carriers into slag.
   The Centurion was lining up with Ivan’s Diomede, a suicidal decision, IndustrialMech or not. The smaller machine had it’s shield up, getting ready to halt to inevitable blow from it’s rockets.
   Instead, Ivan just used the Pile Driver.
   The giant industrial tool, usually reserved for hammering in things to the ground, was swung about right onto the head of the Centurion. The Pile Driver crushed it’s cockpit into the torso, and sent it down to the ground, like a fighter delivering the final blow.
   That left the Rifleman, which Grigori had come in close enough to throw stones at during this. His own ‘Mech had taken repeated shots from it’s dual autocannons and lasers, but he’d only taken pot shots at it’s cockpit with his lasers.
   Now, however, was his turn. Grigori maneuvered his ‘Mechs hand to grab the Rifleman’s left gun barrels, and pulled it close. Moving the right arm simultaneously, he brought his AC/20 right up to the cockpit.
   “Alright, I’m gonna give you ten for y’ to give up, runt!” He bellowed through his ‘Mechs external speakers. The Rifleman could escape his grip easily, but then the cockpit would become a gaping black hole of charred metal and guts.
   A few moments passed, and Grigori was have tempted to blow it apart anyway, but then the pilot opened the hatch, with hands up. Grigori let go, and the man shut down his machine.
   Keying the comms unit, “Ivan! Take this buddy and his ‘Mech back to Big Kahuna, and tell the boys to be careful with this one.”
   Hearing no reply, that meant his orders were being carried out by the mysterious Ivan. When Ivan talked, that’s usually when things went wrong.
   “The Militia has given up, sir,” came a bark from his comms. Jenkins and Isha must have mopped up the missile carriers.
   “Good job, fellas. Get me the planetary governor, and tell him to get to the Big Kahuna. I’m tired of these petty fights, I want to finish things off on this planet.”

Daryk

  • Colonel
  • *
  • Posts: 17905
  • The Double Deuce II/II-σ
Re: Story of mine I'm making
« Reply #1 on: 10 April 2019, 19:10:20 »
I think you might get more responses in the "Fan Fiction" sub-forum than here.  Not bad, but the Rifleman surrendering like that with more than one LRM carrier still operational doesn't sound quite right...