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Author Topic: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."  (Read 755 times)

Cannonshop

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stakes: braggin' rights

Objective: make the readers cry.

Method: Write a medal citation/letter to the next of kin (Non-Clan) or entry into the Remembrance for someone who dared and lost boldly and heroically.

Requirements: "Heroic" means "it wasn't easy".  In this case, focus on exemplifying the virtue of your dead protagonist, show (in a single post) why this person was a heroic figure, what they were trying to accomplish that is beyond the normal level of difficult, why their loss should be mourned and their life celebrated.  most of all, make sure that the ending of this person feels like a loss too soon.  give us a reason to mourn their passing.
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willis

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #1 on: 13 June 2020, 08:38:59 »
"The Administrator" setting, "The Armada"

The last in-story entry did indeed bring me to tears....memories of my Fathers military funeral service -- The Last Post....

HFC05

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #2 on: 13 June 2020, 15:52:19 »
Citation to accompany Order of the Tamar Tiger for Warrant Officer First Class (WOFC) David Jeremiah Jones

On May 9th of 3012 on Loongana WOFC Jones was assigned to Hsien’s Hotheads and participated in recovery actions in support of a Hsien’s reserve light ‘Mech Company.

The light ‘Mech Company was dropped into a minefield where they suffered grievous and catastrophic damage to their leg actuators and were unable to move. The Air Lift Company was requested to evacuate the company.
 
On the first pass above the minefield WOFC Jones’s Karnov came under small arms fire from an infantry company of local defenders. He sustained a wound to his left arm and shoulder. In spite of his injuries he was able to successfully assist in the recovery operation and return with a ‘Mech to the staging point.

He received first aid from a field medic and was deemed unfit to continue the mission, but because there were no other qualified pilots he insisted on returning, and not allowing Pilot in Command Senior Warrant Officer (SWO) Dahls fly without a co-pilot.

During the second pass above the minefield the local defenders had organized themselves and were now putting up significantly greater resistance to the recovery operation. The local defenders downed one of Karnovs and SWO Dahls was killed as he and WOFC Jones recovered another Mech. WOFC Jones was struck again by small arms fire, in the right leg.

WOFC Jones was able to return again to the unit staging area with an additional recovered ‘Mech. WOFC Jones injuries required a tourniquet be placed on his leg. He was once more told he was unfit to fly, and warned that if he did not receive immediate medical attention there would likely be lasting consequences to his injury. At great personal risk and knowing the threat he still choose to risk his life and continued his support of the recovery operation.

As WOFC Jones went in for a third pass his Karnov suffered significant damage when the local defenders, now entrenched and armed with man portal short range missile (SRM) launchers, began a more aggressive and persistent defense of the minefield. In spite of his injuries and the damage to his aircraft WOFC Jones was able to once more return a ‘Mech to the staging area. This time he refused to land telling the Operation Center he would not give them an opportunity to drag him from the cockpit, he also admitted he doubted his Karnov could handle the stress of landing or taking off without significant repairs.

As he began to fly toward the minefield his Commander ordered him to return immediately. His last words to the operation center were, “I’ll return when my brothers are safe.” Due to the damage to his aircraft he trailed behind the other two Karnovs. From this position he saw the smoke from an SRM launcher aimed at one of the Karnovs hovering to sling a mech. He flew his Karnov into path of the SRM thereby shielding his brothers and ensuring the final recovery of the last two ‘Mechs.

Warrant Officer First Class David Jeremiah Jones actions reflect great credit upon himself, the Hsien Hotheads, and the Lyran Commonwealth. His acts of valor, selfless dedication, and personal sacrifice in the face of overwhelming odds ensured the recovery all the ‘Mechs of the reserve company, and stand as a testament to the dedication, espirt de corps, and fidelity of Hsien Hotheads supply section. 

(Writers note: The Hsien’s Hotheads 3012 Raid of Loongana is described in the Original Edition Technical Readout 3026. It can be found on page 26 in the Battle History section for the Karnov UR Transport)
« Last Edit: 13 June 2020, 15:58:46 by HFC05 »

Daryk

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #3 on: 13 June 2020, 16:06:21 »
Well done, but I have one nit pick.  As someone who has written and edited numerous citations, I have to say you need to be careful with "him/her" vs. "himself/herself" in the pro forma closing statement.  Things other than the person being awarded (such as their actions) "reflect great credit upon him/her".  Only use "himself/herself" when the person in question is the subject of the sentence.

HFC05

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #4 on: 13 June 2020, 16:14:20 »
Well done, but I have one nit pick.  As someone who has written and edited numerous citations, I have to say you need to be careful with "him/her" vs. "himself/herself" in the pro forma closing statement.  Things other than the person being awarded (such as their actions) "reflect great credit upon him/her".  Only use "himself/herself" when the person in question is the subject of the sentence.

I'm going to try and blame it on being all emotional while having to write a bunch of these for various moms, spouses, and children (same excuse for all the typos), but I promise next time we do one of these writing exercises I'll dust off my copy of the Tongue and Quill, AR 25-50, and the MLA handbook and do it right.

Daryk

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #5 on: 13 June 2020, 16:20:33 »
No worries... My last tour was as an Executive Assistant to a Flag Officer (who I still greatly admire), and it makes a difference when the citation is read aloud in public.  You really don't want the boss to sound awkward.

HFC05

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #6 on: 13 June 2020, 16:39:58 »
No worries... My last tour was as an Executive Assistant to a Flag Officer (who I still greatly admire), and it makes a difference when the citation is read aloud in public.  You really don't want the boss to sound awkward.
:thumbsup:

Which is why we copy/paste so much of these things, it's both faster and it prevents poor writing, like mine, from being perpetuated.

Good catch though, ironically this will now be something I'll be looking for, especially since it's PCS season...Thanks for the professional help. 

Daryk

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #7 on: 13 June 2020, 17:10:20 »
You're very welcome!  Just glad I could help!  :thumbsup:

DOC_Agren

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Re: single post fanfic challenge: "We regret to inform you..."
« Reply #8 on: 13 June 2020, 19:00:11 »
No worries... My last tour was as an Executive Assistant to a Flag Officer (who I still greatly admire), and it makes a difference when the citation is read aloud in public.  You really don't want the boss to sound awkward.
okay you win the sadness, stuck as a staff weanie
"For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast, And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed:And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill, And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!"