PDF Pg 1:
While Richie and Johnny boy may have erected a diplomatic firewall to the League, their MIIO boys are still not up to scratch to compete against IntelCom.
Per HDHB p. 53 MIIO was not formed until the 1st SW. Prior to that there were a number of civilian agencies operating independently (HDHB p. 116)
Correction: Replace MIIO with either the DMI or one of the independent civilian intelligence agencies (I am not sure that any of these have been named in canon)
PDF P. 6 sidebar
DoNA fleets have started using the new Vengeance fighter carrier coming out of the Salvatore shipyards on Layover, allowing them to bring much more firepower on their Star Lord transports.
Per the Vengeance entry in TR3057 the Vengeance was not introduced until 2782.
Correction: Remove this sentence.
PDF P. 6
Still under construction, the jointly developed Hegemony-Suns Federated Boeing yards at Galax are only producing a fraction of their planned output, but when complete, these facilities will represent more than twenty-five percent of all naval craft manufacturing in House Davion’s sphere of influence.
Per the House Davion SB p. 167 Boeing Intersteller did not decide to build a factory at Galax until 2781, when in response to the Amaris Coup they sought to expand their facilities beyond the boundary of the Terran Hegemony. If the date has been changed, the name is still wrong. The factory was built by Boeing Intersteller. Federated-Boeing was not formed until Feb 9, 2788 after the FS took control of the factory (HDSB p. 168, HBHD P. 165)
Correction: I think the best correction is to remove this sentence. If the date is determined to have been changed from the HDSB entry then Federated Boeing should be replaced by Boeing Interstellar. Reference to any production should also be removed as the source material indicates the Galax Megaplex did not begin production until it was taken over by the Davions.
PDF p 6
The quality and technical expertise of Davion manufacturing has encouraged many Terran Hegemony manufactures to open facilities within the Federated Suns.
Should be: manufacturers
Pdf p 6
Meanwhile, economic pressures from these Hegemony-based firms have led to upgrades and intra-company sully access that effectively gives the Suns access to technologies normally limited to Hegemony borders.
Correction: remove sully. Sully means to make soiled. This doesn't fit in the sentence as written.
pdf p. 8
With their Terran marine roots, it was natural that many would be tapped to serve in the new defense force, as was the case of the Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Tenth, Fifteenth and Eighteenth Hussars.
According to H:RW P. 144 the 7th Avalon Hussars served in the AFFS Auxiliary Corps. According to P. 33 Auxiliary Corps was formed after the AFFS had turned over forces to the SLDF in 2571 (which would have included the 7th) and remained part of the AFFS under a Davion officer.
Correction: Substitute the 19th Avalon Hussars for the 7th.
Pdf P. 9
The massive General Motors complexes on Kathil serve as an excellent training ground on which to hone their skills, tough occasional mishaps and collateral damage tends to get expensive after a while.
tough - Wrong word- correction Though
Tends - should be tend
pdf p. 9
At one point in its early history, every member of the Twenty-eighth (Knights of Avalon) had inherited or bestowed knighthood in their own right,
missing words- could be corrected as:
had an inherited or bestowed knighthood
or
had inherited or been bestowed a knighthood
PDF p. 11
Today, the Lycomb-Davion IntroTech military industrial complex directly or indirectly employs close to twenty-five percent of the planetary populace.
The company was not known as Lycomb-Davion Introtech in 2765. Per HDSB p. 150 and HBHD p. 167 the company was known as Lycomb IntroTechnologies until during the 1st SW when the Davion family helped fund a new factory on New Avalon following the destruction of the factory on Demeter.
Correction: replace Lycomb-Davion IntroTech with Lycomb IntroTechnologies
pdf page 13
The First Davion Guards shares the same level of honor and prestige as the First Avalon Hussars, both of which having been the first AFFS formations to be equipped with BattleMechs.
This is awkward wording- a better way to phrase this would be:
Both of which were the first
pdf page 13:
The Davion Heavy Guard is closest equivalent to an SLDF Hussar regiment.
Missing word. Correction: is the closest equivalent
pdf page 27:
There are two issues with this sentence:
Only half a dozen remained at the start of the Succession Wars, with moth lost against the Draconis Combine in 2782.
Correction- should be Most, not Moth.
As for 2782- the Succession Wars did not start until 2786- so 2782 is incorrect- maybe this should be 2790- the battle of Cholame?
