Amazon.com > Sports & Outdoors > BattleMechs

[Kat]

An idea has occurred to me: What if the TROs were written like online product reviews? Hellcat and Falchion have contributed to this lunacy.


Daboku DCMS MX90-D

"Took one shot to CT. Autoeject engaged. Missed the whole battle. 0/10 stars. Would not buy again."
-- dcmsrocks3014

 
Marauder MAD-5D

"I was excited to find that the new model of Marauder mounts CASE, but was immediately disappointed to find out that the designers put it ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE 'MECH! And what's with the SSRM2? How useless is that? I can never get a lock with it, and it barely scratches the target. I'm sticking with my 3R, thank you very much. 6/10 stars."
-- ~xX~HiReSwOrD~Xx~

 
UrbanMech UM-R60

"Urbanmech came apart when I started it up. 5/10; better than expected."
-- urbanmerc

[ColBosch]

Violator VT-U1

"Very disappointed to discover item is ten meters tall. Too large to fit comfortably. 8/10 stars, went back to drilling wells, if you know what I mean."
-- Anonymous User

[ColBosch]

Marauder II C

"wats the difference between this and a maraudre iic??? 10/10"
-- L0rdD3ath320xx

(I so hate seeing "reviews" that are just asking questions.)

[Kat]

Violator VT-U1

"Very disappointed to discover item is ten meters tall. Too large to fit comfortably. 8/10 stars, went back to drilling wells, if you know what I mean."
-- Anonymous User

Well. That escalated quickly.

Sarath SRTH-10

"Turret controls are tricky. Needs more spikes. 6/10"
--RegulusForever

[Frabby]

HER-4K
0/10! Got wrong item, 10 tons (and a class) light. When I told them this Hermes totally wasn't what I had ordered or wanted, they told me I should have ordered a Hermes III to get my Hermes II. No kidding. Who's cooking up these wonky alphanumericals anyways?
-CptGen

[ColBosch]

Well. That escalated quickly.

His garage was only 7.5 meters tall and he's an oil prospector.

Revenant UBM-1A
"Could not figure out how to get into cockpit. Fiddled with remote control a bit and it ran away. 2/10, at least it took out my neighbor's annoying dog."
-- DaddyFiveO12

[Fallen_Raven]

Penetrator PTR-4D

"The arms contain lasers, not lances. Very disappointed. Also overheats a lot. 3/10"
-DorkKnight4Eva

[Kat]

Fenrir Battle Armor

"I was skeptical about how practical quad battlearmor would be, but heard positive things about this one. Initially, I thought I would be laying down inside the armor, or sitting upright in the forward section. Turns out, it's actually made for two people, like a horse costume. 2/10"
-- katrinaismyhomegirl

[ColBosch]

Sloth Battle Armor

"Is actually a 1980s Toyota van with legs bolted on. Mine dispenser is hilariously useless; who puts a mine dropper on the top of something? Lasers use cockpit as their primary heat sink. 3/10, easy to slink away and hide when everyone is ignoring you."
-- CattleArmor87

[rebs]

Texas-class WarShip

Item was shipped in many jagged pieces, original photograph was deceptive.  Took a small invasion to get money back, losses still not recouped.  Never doing business with user stRaDDeR again. 

--MollyMaeMcHazenIIC

[ShadowRaven]

Locust LCT-6M

MASC fried on first use. Never thought you could skid so far. Felt like I would never stop 4/10 What a rush.

[Maskerade]

Scorpion Light Tank


Tried to ford shallow river. Tank flooded. So did the next 10. 5/10 as was able to use flooded tanks as bridge, and was cheaper than actually building a bridge.

-Xx1337pilotxX

[Dave Talley]

tag

[Fallen_Raven]

tag

Target Acquisition Gear

"Everytime I mark something for retrieval it gets blown up. I suspect interference with missile guidance systems. Needs to be recalled immediately! 0/10"

-haxxor1337techsquad

[Rorke]

Scarecrow UCU-F4

Took it out to watch the local team play baseball, stood across from the stadium.  Had myself a perfect
view, was all going well until I spilled my slushie all over the dashboard thingie.  I surely am sorry about
the 248 people in the bleachers wut I accidentally killed.  On the bright side I made a flawless escape, and
now I've embarked on a thrilling new career as a pirate.  8/10

[Arkansas Warrior]

Akuma AKU-1X

Everything was fine until enemy's lbx autocannon fragment punched into streak ammo.  Now I have to walk everywhere and my feet are sore.  Suspect Black Dragon sabotage among design team.  Who builds a mech in the 3050s with 6 tons of ammo and no CASE?  To make matters worse, Independence says ammo explosions are not covered under the warranty.  Would not buy again.  2/10

[E. Icaza]

Daishi Widowmaker

Bought used from Diamond Sharks Sea Foxes and came with a dead old lady in it.  2/10.  Will not buy from Sharks Foxes again.

-PrettyInPantsless

[Arkansas Warrior]

BZK-F7 Hollander II

This mech was fantastic for killing Panthers, if hard to keep on its feet.  But then one time I fell on my arse, and the next thing I knew, I was riding a parachute a hundred meters overhead.  Turns out it's even better at killing itself than Panthers.  Would not buy again.  3/10

[E. Icaza]

SHD-2H Shadow Hawk

Roomy and comfortable cockpit counterbalanced by inability to contribute much on the battlefield.  Oh well, I guess I'll just have to look amazing while doing nothing well!  7/10.

-MyOtherMechisanOrca

[E. Icaza]

Mad Cat

Yeah, I know I said I'd never buy from Sharks Foxes again, but the deal on this used Mad Cat was too good to pass up.  The only problem is that when I try to switch out my TIC, the ER Small Laser fires randomly.  Nothing bad can come of it though, right?  8/10.  Hey, the enemy DropShip is landing with safcon and I'm gonna fiddle with my TIC some more to see if I can work out the problem.  Wish me luck!

-PrettyInPantsless

[ColBosch]

Orca ORC-7D

"I pre-ordered this almost ten years ago and it still has yet to arrive. Total vaporware, and I've yet to see a refund from manufacturers. DO NOT BUY, this is a scam! 0/10."

-- MusicIsStupid

Champion LAM CPN-1X1

"This is the BEST and BIGGEST Land-Air BattleMech on the market. Its incredible movement profile and balanced weapons loadout synergize perfectly with your existing battlefield assets. 10/10!"

--  BergenRepTerra

(Edit: Fixed tags)

[rebs]

1 Used K/F Drive

Purchased and received, but unable to affect repairs, or install danged thing.  College physics classes inadequate background, university mathematics postgraduate degree(s) all inadequate as theory is "quirky".  Will resell to highest bidder in auction starting 28 hrs 13mins.  Other than that, good item and prompt service from user/seller TechNoBat184.

--MeetchioKahkhu88


(wh00ps! The thread is for battlemechs, so this post will be auto deleted by HAPPEEbuyer.LC within hours)

[Stormlion1]

Avalon Cruiser

"Said it was used, but I didn't know used meant it had suffered a blunt trauma at some point to the entire hull. I swear it looks like it rammed something and then fell into a atmosphere. Then someone duct taped it back together again and gave it a quick paint job and put it up for sale. Definatly didn't warrant the Acceptable rating."

[StCptMara]

LCT-1M Locust

Told was a fire-support 'mech for my scout lance. Was totaled when PBIs fired assault rifles on it from ambush. Suspect
OstScout knew they were there and didn't tell. Armor too thin for expected duties. Will kill OstScout pilot later. Would
not buy again.

[Kat]

Shilone

"Ordered one Shilone fighter. Received free same-day shipping, but item arrived in very rough condition. Was unable to contact user frr_tyra about replacing damaged item."
-- ulricK

[E. Icaza]

OK, Mad Cat purchase did NOT go well.  Giving Sharks Foxes one last chance to make it up to me before I tank their rating.  Got a good line on a whole Cluster of Clan OmniMechs for dirt cheap if I handle getting them ready for shipping myself!  Don't understand why Shark Fox merchant was laughing and handed me a shovel, but wish me luck!

-PrettyInPantsless

[ColBosch]

Gauss Rifle Rounds, 1 Gross, ClanTech Guaranteed

"Delivered promptly at hypersonic velocity, along with a variety of other munitions. Seller is a SCAMMER looking to steal your name, address, bank account number, and the contents of your secret weapon stockpiles. Seller would not issue refund. 2/10."
-- whutIsAbatchallAnyway63

[rebs]

J. Edgar

What a Hoovercraft!!!  7/10

--efdee_argh@SAFE

[ColBosch]

Phoenix Hawk PXH-1

"Came with a pretty young Japanese girl. At first thrilled by this bonus, until she started singing. And never stopped. While the conflict ended through the power of love or some crap, the underlying sociopolitical issues were left unresolved. 6/10, the 'Mech is kinda nice."
-- Runter

[Notsonoble]

Crusader CRD-3r

"Expected heavy fire support mech, unit arrived and turned out to be a STG-A5 with temp armor and one-shot missile packs bolted all over the place. Still, the OS weapons worked and the LAM was in pretty good shape, so worth five points for quality hard to find chassis. 5/10"

--CannotbeUnseen

[Fatebringer]

Penetrator PTR-4D

"The arms contain lasers, not lances. Very disappointed. Also overheats a lot. 3/10"
-DorkKnight4Eva

 - - DorkKnight4Eva, "Improper use of product will cause irritation and discomfort", it's right there on page 2 of the Operations Manual. You can't blame the company when you don't read the warning signs.
- DivaShopper

[E. Icaza]

Erinyes ProtoMech

"Was looking for a cheap ProtoMech, so I guess I got that.  It looks just like my mother-in-law, right down to the disapproving glare and bad haircut.  As a war machine 0/10.  As a target...11/10.  Will buy again."
-STLismycopilot

[ColBosch]

Rottweiler Battle Armor

"Ordered a squads' worth of suits. Received a litter of adorable, roly-poly puppies. Suspect Blakist interception, don't care, have puppies. 9/10."
-- SitxhLyran