Shrapnel 10 - Thoughts?

[Doc Swift]

Shrapnel 10 is out today. What are your thoughts? I'm a bit biased, as I have a story in this issue, but I'd love to know what people think of it. :)

[Atlas3060]

I'm still skimming it from snagging last night.
The Toro looks cool, looking at the Hel later. The adventure with the sea foxes looks fun to play if I ever get a group up for it again.

The artwork nestled in the Voices of the Sphere article looks nice. I might make a Battlemaster up like that.

So much to go through, good stuff at the moment.

[five_corparty]

Really good so far!  I've only read a few stories (Unbreakable, Kites, Kara's Scorchers) but I've enjoyed what I've read!

[DarkISI]

Looking forward to feedback on Flying Kites.
That one has been in the making for 10 years or so. Ever since I created Kafka for XTRO Most Wanted. So glad I was finally able to get Kafka into fiction.

[Doc Swift]

"Forbidden Lore" is a story I started a decade ago and set aside. I finally got back to it this year.

[DarkISI]

This seems to be the issue for stories that were long in the making

[Moragion]

I have only readed "The Rise of Koa", other than browse the whole issue, as I was really interested in more Arano information. Without entering into spoilers, I found the story pretty weak. The style was a little jumpy in the scenes. There were some good ideas the tattoos as a way to mark their successes was cool, but it seemed rushed.
But I encourage the author to keep going. I'm not a literary critic anyway  :)

[Dubble_g]

Shrapnel 10 is out today. What are your thoughts? I'm a bit biased, as I have a story in this issue, but I'd love to know what people think of it. :)

High five fellow writer dude. My second story is in this issue, though the gestation period was ever so slightly less than a decade. Just picked up a copy so of course the first thing I checkedwas how my own story turned out, lol. A double size issue for double G's return, only fitting haha. Looking forward to seeing what everyone else has created, getting inspired, and writing my next one!

Is there a writer's discord or something? Might be cool to have a place to workshop ideas.

Anyway, congrats and can't wait to read your story. (Might take a while... There's so much!)

[five_corparty]

My second story is in this issue

which story is yours?  I can't keep track of real names vs forum names!  Mine is "trial most acceptable," I'm hoping people dig it. :-)

[Dubble_g]

A discord of our own would be the place to do it!
PS: which story is yours?  I can't keep track of real names vs forum names!  Mine is "trial most acceptable," I'm hoping people dig it. :-)

Updated my sig, haha. It's "Undefeated". Forum name is just my initials.

I'd be interested in setting a server up if there's interest. I have zero experience as a moderator though so it would not be a smooth ride... But yeah if nobody else is up for it, I volunteer as tribute!

[VensersRevenge]

I enjoyed a lot I enjoyed in this issue. The sheer hypocrisy of the Steel Vipers in Undefeated was incredibly well written and made it clear how they fell under Brett Andrews spell in the Reavings. It did make me like them even less though, but that's because of how well the story was done. I liked how Receiving Ends showed how human the Clan Warriors were, even at the beginning of the Invasion when they were most removed from IS standards. A Trial Most Acceptable was great, and it is always good to get more Jihad fiction. The Bull Has Turned was hilarious, and one of my favourites. The one story I didn't like was Three Ways Home. I'll admit part of it was my dislike for the Taurians, but it was mostly the hamfisted political commentary. I really question why the author thought having Space Mexican border tensions was a good idea, but it didn't work, at least for me, and it felt uncomfortably stereotypical for large parts of it. I had hoped that Battletech had moved past unfortunate things like this, especially recently, so this was an unwelcome inclusion that will drag down the next two issues as well.

[Hotham]

FORBIDDEN LORE - by Geoff "Doc" Swift

I like 'Mech battles. I like it when writers do something unique or add interesting elements to the giant stompy robot fights. But I also like what Forbidden Lore offers. A story focusing on a unit sent to raid a derelict Star League library. Not all about combat, but discovery and mystery. Forbidden Lore gives off a Raiders of the Lost Ark vibe. Something that I would like to see more of in BattleTech fiction. That's one of my biggest praises for this story.

My second praise is the opening. The story is very description-heavy, which I think works against it towards the middle, but in the beginning, it's perfect. The details of how the excavation crews are organized, and the setting up of equipment: demo charges, drills, and cables make the excavation feel appropriately laborious. Lets contrast this with an event later in the story where the protagonist is ambushed by unknown forces already inside the library.

A dull, tinny sound repeated several times—an object bouncing
off the library floor in time with the clinking sounds. Its path took it
toward the left front of the electric cart.

Several troopers turned at the sound. No one had a chance to
sound a warning.

The grenade went off.

I'm not a writer, so please forgive me if I say something stupid. The amount of description given before the grenade detonates lessens its impact for me. The action is not snappy, as one would expect from a sudden attack. The four previous sentences give a mental sense of a delay while reading them. This makes the characters' reactions appear sluggish in my opinion.

Another example is after the protagonist wakes up from the grenade explosion.

He seized the pistol grip and aimed the barrel near the puddle of
liquid pooling around the vehicle. A beam of coherent light stabbed out,
visible in the particulate matter fleeing the site of combusting synthetic
rubber. The intense heat of the beam might volatize the liquid, but by
aiming near it instead of at it, it caught fire.

I feel as if this text could have been shortened/reworked or at least written in a less clinical nature. Some words could be taken out, like the beam in the last sentence, and some descriptions conjoined. I'm not too good with writing or grammar myself, so I won't dwell too much on this. Let's talk about the protagonist.

I'm sorry to say this, but Colonel Dean Robbins is a nothing burger for me. The closest emotion I felt for him was this after Hanse dismisses him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxlRhT1lNtU

Robbins doesn't have a defining moment that gets me invested in him as a character. Skadi from Receiving Ends, despite my thinking she's a pretty average character, did elicit some emotion from me due to her brief interaction with an enemy mercenary. Or Kendra Slavosk in A Trial Most Acceptable. I thought Kendra was a pretty meh character until she called a Circle of Equals and pulled out the "I have multiple black belts." on her Clan opponent. These small incidents are what get readers invested in the protagonists. Robbins needed something like that.

I feel as if Robbins was in a vacuum, only tangentially connected to events and characters around him. During the ambush, we learn that Robbins' son is among one of the teams raiding the library. But this information came too late in the story for the revelation to have any impact on the reader. I think it would have been better for the son to be introduced earlier in the story. Robbins' decision to focus on the mission instead of his some could have been that defining character moment if it had been built up.

We're starting to get into backseat writer territory, so please forgive me. I'll try to keep my thoughts brief. I feel Hanse's appearance at the end of the story was very arbitrary. I understand his involvement with the canon events, but I don't believe there's enough to justify him being in the story. I know you have a limited amount of words to tell this story, but a scene with Robbins and Hanse discussing the raid on the library beforehand would have helped tie things together.  Or perhaps have Robbins in contact with Hanse as his unit approaches the library, only for communications to begin to fail as they got closer. A deeper connection between Robbins and Hanse would have given the ending more weight.

I have some other thoughts on the handling of the enemy forces in the library, but this is already running long as it is, so I'll be brief. I know this story is based on canon events, but I don't have the exact references. I checked Sarna and there's no mention of enemy forces inside the library, but the article could be missing information from the source. Was it necessary to have the ambushers present? If the ambushers already had access to the library, why didn't take what they need or destroy it before the Feds arrived?

That's all.

[five_corparty]

Updated my sig, haha. It's "Undefeated". Forum name is just my initials.

I'd be interested in setting a server up if there's interest. I have zero experience as a moderator though so it would not be a smooth ride... But yeah if nobody else is up for it, I volunteer as tribute!

Ah, I read that one!  I really enjoyed it, I really liked how well you portrayed the anger at the lower levels, all the way across the touman.

I'm only halfway through the issue, so if you're a writer and I don't mention you right away, I'll eventually post all my thoughts coherently!

[DarkISI]

So, any thoughts on Flying Kites?

[Hotham]

So, any thoughts on Flying Kites?

For what it is worth, I will post my thoughts on Flying Kites. But first I want to do Moving Forward, as I never got around to doing it if my memory serves me.

[DarkISI]

For what it is worth, I will post my thoughts on Flying Kites. But first I want to do Moving Forward, as I never got around to doing it if my memory serves me.

Looking forward to both :)

[Baldur Mekorig]

So, any thoughts on Flying Kites?

I dont remember reading the previous story, but this one is pretty solid for a spy thriller. My only point would be that the MC sounds WAY more adult than he should be. English is not my main language, but i understoof that the MC was actually a 13 years old kid, and not an adult passing as a kid, right? I understand that the MC is a assassin raise from childhood to be one, but sometimes it was a bit confusing to have a kid having that inner mologue.

Now, about the rest of the issue, i am liking what i have read so far. The entries about the Toro, Hel and Dynamic Ordnance and Ammunition Corp were very helpfull for a proyect of mine. The only thing i dont like too much of this number is the Taurian article. I know it was made a a jest, but sounds dickish, and not funny for the timeframe its published. I could see something like that after Operation MATADOR, not in the 3150´s.

Finally, the saga of the Dark One carry on....and i love it!

[DarkISI]

I dont remember reading the previous story, but this one is pretty solid for a spy thriller. My only point would be that the MC sounds WAY more adult than he should be. English is not my main language, but i understoof that the MC was actually a 13 years old kid, and not an adult passing as a kid, right? I understand that the MC is a assassin raise from childhood to be one, but sometimes it was a bit confusing to have a kid having that inner mologue.

There is no previous story to this. Moving Forward mentioned earlier was a Scorpion Empire story :)
Kafka has so far only shown up in XTRO Most Wanted, Assassination Protocol: Kafka and was mentioned in passing in Silent Roar.
And yes, he is supposed to be 13. Hitting that spot isn't easy. The boy is 13, but he has also been trained as an assassin pretty much from birth and I wrote him assuming he is suffering from a form of PTSD and lack of emotional warmth. So he wouldn't exactly think or act like any other 13 year old boy.

[Doc Swift]

FORBIDDEN LORE - by Geoff "Doc" Swift

A scene at the beginning that discussed the raid would have been an exposition dump and likely gotten the story rejected. I went with something more in media res, as word count and story style count for short pieces like this.

I won't delve into some of your questions, because I think that it would be sort of like explaining a joke or a magic trick. I will say that the other troops in the library are from a faction that was not "active" in such operations at the time. The stylistic choices I made were those that I felt merged BT storytelling with cosmic horror elements from pulp sf days. If I failed, okay, but those were intentional stylistic choices, in which the story and horror take priority over characterization. It won't suit everyone any more than the old stories did, and I expected as much.

[Baldur Mekorig]

There is no previous story to this. Moving Forward mentioned earlier was a Scorpion Empire story :)
Kafka has so far only shown up in XTRO Most Wanted, Assassination Protocol: Kafka and was mentioned in passing in Silent Roar.
And yes, he is supposed to be 13. Hitting that spot isn't easy. The boy is 13, but he has also been trained as an assassin pretty much from birth and I wrote him assuming he is suffering from a form of PTSD and lack of emotional warmth. So he wouldn't exactly think or act like any other 13 year old boy.

Yeah, the little guy is suffering from trauma, and it is reflected in the writting.

[Jal Phoenix]

Finally, the saga of the Dark One carry on....and i love it!

Well, it's only been a couple of weeks since the last one.

I'm curious to see if people pick up on some of the nuances in both of these new stories. I wrote them with a specific narrative in mind.

[Baldur Mekorig]

Well, it's only been a couple of weeks since the last one.

I'm curious to see if people pick up on some of the nuances in both of these new stories. I wrote them with a specific narrative in mind.

You mean Ghost Hunting and Wolf Pelts and Raven Feathers?

Wolf Pelts and Raven Feathers is easy to read, and keeps on some leds that Ghost Hunting told, like the problems brewing in the Outworlds Wastes. Now, about the Black Marauder, both Marauder and Kindred Soul are pure Lovecraftian tales, with Ravager showing the action from a new perspective. Ghost Hunting was your normal BT shennanigans novel until they meet the real Black marauder. That escene made me remember a lot of Dragonlance´s Lord Soth. Talking with a very ancient evil that is giving you enough respect not to kill you and talk with you.

[Hotham]

A scene at the beginning that discussed the raid would have been an exposition dump and likely gotten the story rejected. I went with something more in media res, as word count and story style count for short pieces like this.

I won't delve into some of your questions, because I think that it would be sort of like explaining a joke or a magic trick. I will say that the other troops in the library are from a faction that was not "active" in such operations at the time. The stylistic choices I made were those that I felt merged BT storytelling with cosmic horror elements from pulp sf days. If I failed, okay, but those were intentional stylistic choices, in which the story and horror take priority over characterization. It won't suit everyone any more than the old stories did, and I expected as much.

Understandable. With short stories, you got to balance what's necessary for the plot with what will grip the reader the most. I didn't bring it up much in my initial thoughts, but you definitely nailed the cosmic horror bit. Though as wonderfully vivid as that section was, I still feel it was undermined by the ending. I didn't have a lingering feeling of dread or even foreboding from Robbins' "prophecy". I didn't get the sense that Robbins couldn't recover from his ordeal in time. But I'm glad you provided some more context to the story. 

[Doc Swift]

Was that prophecy accurate? That's the question you should ask, because it determines whether what happened was real...

You know who the enemy force was, right? And how their presence suggests the existence of other such troves of "lore"?

[DarkISI]

Yeah, the little guy is suffering from trauma, and it is reflected in the writting.

Thank you. That's what I was going for.

[ShroudedSciuridae]

Forbidden Lore annoyed me, but in a good way. The Halsted raid always needed more expansion and I was happy to have it. But for every question it answers, it poses three more. The opposing force certainly seems to do a Masterful  job disrupting the recovery operation, until their field inexperience ends their mission in a fireball. It's also yet another bout of the quasi-supernatural in terms of prophecy. Now I'm reminded of the old adage that "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" and High Star League technology was pretty dang advanced, so the sea urchin could have been some memory transfer device. But....it seems to populate the memory with a version of events that is both aware of the Clans (ala The Blood conspiracy) but critical of "cancer" and warning against the "true Eagle" (presumably not the view point of The Blood). I was struck with how similar the vision was to the immediate effects of a KF jump, perhaps the urchin has similar criteria.

I'm going to stick with my go to answer for all things mysterious and say the Cult of the Saints Cameron were behind all this.

[Doc Swift]

Let's just say that I don't think I could have gotten away with putting "Miskatonic" on the library wall...

[five_corparty]

The Halsted raid always needed more expansion and I was happy to have it.

Not really about the raid, but in "Front Lines" (Battlecorps anthlogy 6) there's a long story about the rest of the battle... :-)

[five_corparty]

Still not finished with all of it yet, but some thoughts:

Receiving ends:  I dug this story.  I dig when young Clanners are full of anger and unchanneled aggression, and when you REALLY get a feel of why they were so damn effective in the early stages of the invasion.  but, what makes it for me is the interaction between Skadi and the merc.  "killing's one thing, but losing someone's completely different."  i don't know if that emotion has EVER been written into a BattleTech story that cleanly before.  100% makes the story, and elevates it from "pretty good" to "WOW."

Battle of Luthein Centennial: I love the fiction, so these "non-fiction" pieces are always 2nd best to me.  That SAID, they are CONSISTANTLY good.  Also, Shrapnel is the jumping on point for a LOT of new readers, so I'm happy pieces like this exist to flesh out the lore for new readers.  Not everything is for everyone, and that's OK. :-)  (again, that said, i DID like it and found it good)

 All those left behind.  DAMN.   just... wow.  and even through THAT, on a TECHNICAL level, this is a GOOD. STORY.  "although a charge in a Stalker was a relative term" is just a BRILLIANT piece of writing, and gives this story a unique "voice" that writing clinics emphasize and editors look for.  If you're a new writer, tear this story apart down to its composite sentences and study each one: this is damn fine writing, both in feel and deed.

Hel- for those who haven't written a TRO article, Schmetzer makes it look easy, AGAIN.  one day I shall learn his secrets...! ;-)

Forbidden Lore: I'm of two minds on this one. I -like- the fact Doc wove a brand-new story in and among a tale already told, and once I realized who the bad guys were, I was like smacking my head like an old V-8 commercial and saying, "weeeell, DUH!"  I mean, it's a little scooby-dooish to wear your capes and whites on a secret mission, but I'll let it slide on the "shrapnel is a jumping on point for new readers" and "he didn't have enough words because some arrogant schmuck dropped in a whole novella and ate up all the buffer space." ;-)  seriously, it 100% makes sense in lore, and my biggest gripe is I didn't think of it FIRST.  ;) ;D  that SAID, I have -never- been a fan of "unreliable narrator" stories, and the whole "he got hit with space magic and is spouting prophesies" just... didn't work for me.  Again: that's ok.  A lot of it hit right, and adding a little spooooooky into the issue is something I really dig.  Holiday stuff next issue, and stories full of smooches next year!  8) ;D

Bullets never stop:  I dig it.  It feels like an authentic write up of a TV show.

Bad and Worse: WOW.  I LOVE this story, and I DON'T LIKE 1ST PERSON IN SCI FI.  Seriously, it almost ALWAYS comes off as fake, there's usually some technobbable that yanks you right out of the story but Harvey Roberts NAILS IT.  By keeping the camera focused RIGHT on the main character, it's not the sci fi, it's a deeply flawed man who just tries to get by in a universe setting him up for fail.
and remember what I said about "voice?"  this story has enough for this one and a few to spare.  AGAIN, this issue is practically a writing clinic itself!  if you get this issue in PDF, print this story out, and redline all the parts that work, figure out WHY they work, and incorporate those lessons into YOUR writing.  Just, simply, one of my favorite stories in a LONG LONG time.

ExoFauna:  These game parts KILL IT.  Every single issue, they add something fun to the table, and this one is no different.  Personally, my fave are the bugs that light your mech up like New York on New Year's, but they are solid across the board.  Well done.

Trial: Abstain.  Hope everyone likes it. :-) I -am- proud, though, in that I try to find mechs that haven't seen a lot of screen time across the years, and I think a Jackal-1579 certainly fits the bill... ;-)

Kara's Scorchers: Interesting little write up.  I do like the fact it's not something we've seen before.

marine Vulpine:  One of the things I've noticed about a LOT of the Shrapnel Destiny adventures is how easy they would be to convert to 5e and this one is no different: while I love the adventure AS IS, I'mma gonna knock the sci-fi out, sand off the edges, and hopefully run this as a little 5e one shot in a few months.  :)  Well done

Undefeated: i mentioned it above, but I'll say it again, I enjoyed this one.  Really shows you the rage among the clanners, and they have no outlet for anger and aggression EXCEPT more violence.  I swear, like the meme says, Clanners will literally commit mutiny before going to therapy. ;-) ha ha ha  good stuff.

24 hours: I LIKE that there's poetry in shrapnel, and I don't care what others think.  Poetry, to me, honestly, can be hit or miss, but the fact Shrapnel showcases says a lot of good things both about the magazine, and about its readers and submitters.

Chaos Campaign: what a weird, wild, wacky scenario!  can't wait to try it.

Flying Kites: what an interesting story.  a family of assassins?  and you can tell the kid is desperately trying to get out of the life while is also wholeheartedly devoted to his family.  The sister's philosophy about lugging around infernos is one I can get behind, also, FWIW. :-)  "Humanity's first technology," as James Bixby put it in the Scorcher's write up! :-)

Sealist ads: fun universe fluff.  Good palate cleanser after a story like that.

Ordnance: I will admit this one was -eh- for me because I'm not a fan of "non-fiction." That SAID, I was working one something for a story and something mentioned in THIS story (a company's location) helped me solve an issue I was having, so i appreciate the boost!

Toro: have i mentioned how much I enjoy the mechs in Shrapnel? I've used almost ALL of them on the tabletop (we play every other Saturday) and, by and large, they work out great.  can't wait to try the Hel and Toro!

Bull has turned: I like these silly little "we are here to help you, yah jerks" stories in every other issue or so.  this one was pretty amusing.

Planet Digest: Pain-I really liked this look at the rim territories.  honestly, this may be sacrilege, but I honestly don't care if a lot of the smaller nations get absorbed back into their houses - looking at you, Timbuktu and fivlet- But write ups like this make me take a pause.  Are there STORIES to be told there?  are they narratively unique?  most aren't, so, I don't care what happens to them.  In my "live and let die" brain, this article kinda just nudged the Rime Worlds into, "well, maybe there's some stories to be told out that a-way," and got me thinking about what stories -I- would tell out there.  For THAT, WELL DONE.  I FINALLY care - a TINY TINY BIT - about what happens to them, words I never ever thought i would type. ;-)

Wolf Pelts: somehow, i missed who'd written this story, so i was like, "OH CRAP IT'S THE BLACK MARAUDER!! Y'ALL ARE SOOOO DEAD!"  honestly, lance should consider writing under a pen name from here forward when doing BM stuff, just so EVERYONE gets that AHHHH! jump I had. :-)
On a SIDE note, i am really happy that, without working together, we came pretty close on our descriptions of how EI works.  I'm super proud of what i did with the Protos, and I'm glad that our work stands side by side, fleshing out EI for readers and making it narratively intresting and not just the "CGI from the cartoon."

Finally, Koa (like I said, I'm not done with the book):  I had the pleasure of meeting the author and her husband (who wrote the scorchers write-up, the first Husband-and-wife duo published in shrapnel!) at gencon where, after a INSANELY tough fight at masters and minions, my team managed to take them down.  The bixby's are fine people, and I hunted down their podcast after that and listened to them: good stuff! Really liked it!
ANYYYYYWAYS, I don't know, like, ANYTHING about House Arano, but this story had enough backstory in it a newbie like me could jump into the train and roll with it.  i LIKE that it has Pacific islander traditions in it, and I like the multiple levels of betrayal going on.  This isn't the most emotional or gripping story in the issue, but it's solid work from a journeyman author, and has a very "classic" sci-fi / old-school battletech vibe to it I can't really define, but really dig.

Anywhoo, that's where I am, this double-sized issue is double-packed full of goodness (IMHO) and well done to all the writers!

[Jal Phoenix]

Wolf Pelts: somehow, i missed who'd written this story, so i was like, "OH CRAP IT'S THE BLACK MARAUDER!! Y'ALL ARE SOOOO DEAD!"  honestly, lance should consider writing under a pen name from here forward when doing BM stuff, just so EVERYONE gets that AHHHH! jump I had. :-)
On a SIDE note, i am really happy that, without working together, we came pretty close on our descriptions of how EI works.  I'm super proud of what i did with the Protos, and I'm glad that our work stands side by side, fleshing out EI for readers and making it narratively intresting and not just the "CGI from the cartoon."

My intention was that no one would know that this was going to be a Marauder story until that moment. The EI thing must be serendipity. I haven't read your story, but I will check it out. What's the title and where is it? With my portrayal, I wanted to show what about EI was addictive, and why it drove people mad. My bout with the shingles informed the latter, and for the former I went with the more human than human approach. I also wanted to delve into the failings of such a system, and how it could be fooled in ways the eyes can't, and use that to drip feed the reader some information. There's a lot more in this story than I think people will catch on to. I have one more story idea that will pay it all off, but I won't be writing it for a while.

[Atlas3060]

Battle of Luthein Centennial: I love the fiction, so these "non-fiction" pieces are always 2nd best to me.  That SAID, they are CONSISTANTLY good.  Also, Shrapnel is the jumping on point for a LOT of new readers, so I'm happy pieces like this exist to flesh out the lore for new readers.  Not everything is for everyone, and that's OK. :-)  (again, that said, i DID like it and found it good)

Glad you liked it, I enjoyed poking fun at how the Luthien scenario book wasn't always a clean source of information for folks. If you have the book, dig around, you'll see one or two references I used there.

Bullets never stop:  I dig it.  It feels like an authentic write up of a TV show.

Excellent  :thumbsup:

[DarkISI]

I have one more story idea that will pay it all off, but I won't be writing it for a while.

Looking forward to it. It was really nice getting so much Blackarauder goodness in so short a time, but I also see how giving it some time for people to get to it and have it settle down is a good idea.
So I will wait.
But I am watching you
;)

[five_corparty]

My intention was that no one would know that this was going to be a Marauder story until that moment. The EI thing must be serendipity. I haven't read your story, but I will check it out. What's the title and where is it? With my portrayal, I wanted to show what about EI was addictive, and why it drove people mad. My bout with the shingles informed the latter, and for the former I went with the more human than human approach. I also wanted to delve into the failings of such a system, and how it could be fooled in ways the eyes can't, and use that to drip feed the reader some information. There's a lot more in this story than I think people will catch on to. I have one more story idea that will pay it all off, but I won't be writing it for a while.

Mine's "A trial most acceptable," I'm the cat that ate up all the room this issue.  ;-)

And what's funny is, I -KNEW- there was a BM story in the issue, but I missed who's story I was on (I was reading it on kindle at the time) so YEAH, I was like AHH!!!!  It was actually really, REALLY cool to be surprised like that, so while I was kiiiinda joking about using a pen name, I'm also kinda not. ;-)

I have the BM anthology on my desk, I'm going to hold off until next month to read it for MAXIMUM SPOOKINESS, and look forward to your return to the fold!

[five_corparty]

Glad you liked it, I enjoyed poking fun at how the Luthien scenario book wasn't always a clean source of information for folks. If you have the book, dig around, you'll see one or two references I used there.
Excellent  :thumbsup:

LUTHIEN?  my friend, have you SEEN the disaster that is "FASA 1693: Coventry"??  Makes Luth look like a doctrinal thesis! hahaha

good stuff, like I said. :-)

[Atlas3060]

LUTHIEN?  my friend, have you SEEN the disaster that is "FASA 1693: Coventry"??  Makes Luth look like a doctrinal thesis! hahaha

Oh it was on my mental list of other topics to tackle.
After all that one can be blamed for the eventual rise of the Second League.
Maybe, one day, when I find a proper way to attack it.  >:D

[five_corparty]

Oh it was on my mental list of other topics to tackle.
After all that one can be blamed for the eventual rise of the Second League.
Maybe, one day, when I find a proper way to attack it.  >:D

Run, Boomers, Run: A Mounted Cavalryman Remembers the Battle of Coventry ;-) hahaha


"Boomers" is slang for 'roos, y'all, I'm not being mean to my elders... ;-) hahaha

[Mendrugo]

Chaos Campaign: what a weird, wild, wacky scenario!  can't wait to try it.

The first draft was ludicrous to playtest - using the light gravity rules, 'Mechs and BA were speeding across the cratered moonscape like Dashers, and most of the pursuers failed their control rolls and drifted off into space, out of control. It got more manageable once we switched from light gravity to zero gravity rulesets (given that the chunks of Movl aren't large enough to support an atmosphere or gravitational pull), giving everyone a limited supply of maneuvering fuel, so that missing your aim just slows you down as you reorient, rather than putting you into orbit around the sun.

[Kit deSummersville]

ExoFauna:  These game parts KILL IT.  Every single issue, they add something fun to the table, and this one is no different.  Personally, my fave are the bugs that light your mech up like New York on New Year's, but they are solid across the board.  Well done.

Thanks! I haven't been able to sit down and do anything big but I love being able to offer a few ways to tweak games and make them different without totally changing them.

[ShroudedSciuridae]

Thanks! I haven't been able to sit down and do anything big but I love being able to offer a few ways to tweak games and make them different without totally changing them.

My very first thought to this second Bainbridge chapter was Shadowrun's Parazoology/botany/geology. I gleefully await Bainbridge's Guide to Impactful Exominerals.

[Doc Swift]

Forbidden Lore: I'm of two minds on this one. I -like- the fact Doc wove a brand-new story in and among a tale already told, and once I realized who the bad guys were, I was like smacking my head like an old V-8 commercial and saying, "weeeell, DUH!"  I mean, it's a little scooby-dooish to wear your capes and whites on a secret mission, but I'll let it slide on the "shrapnel is a jumping on point for new readers" and "he didn't have enough words because some arrogant schmuck dropped in a whole novella and ate up all the buffer space." ;-)  seriously, it 100% makes sense in lore, and my biggest gripe is I didn't think of it FIRST.  ;) ;D  that SAID, I have -never- been a fan of "unreliable narrator" stories, and the whole "he got hit with space magic and is spouting prophesies" just... didn't work for me.  Again: that's ok.  A lot of it hit right, and adding a little spooooooky into the issue is something I really dig.  Holiday stuff next issue, and stories full of smooches next year!  8) ;D

 :)

[Mendrugo]

My very first thought to this second Bainbridge chapter was Shadowrun's Parazoology/botany/geology. I gleefully await Bainbridge's Guide to Impactful Exominerals.

There is the synthetic sand surrounding ISF HQ on New Samarkand that can dissolve ‘Mech armor in seconds…

[CVB]

Still wondering why the Combine never developed mech-sized sandblasters...

[Mendrugo]

Still wondering why the Combine never developed mech-sized sandblasters...

Because the sandblasters would also disintegrate in minutes.

Working at that complex, though, you've got to wonder what happens on breezy days...

[BrianDavion]

Because the sandblasters would also disintegrate in minutes.

Working at that complex, though, you've got to wonder what happens on breezy days...

You only wonder if you don't realize the combine doesn't care about people

[Stinger]

Anyone have thoughts on Last Flight of the Black Condor? It was my first short story that wasn't a technical article.  I'm curious to see what people thought (good and bad, but be nice :) ). 

[Jal Phoenix]

I'll read it, as soon as I remember where I put my hard copy...

[five_corparty]

Jal's post reminded me that I never finished! now, where was I...?

Last Flight of the Black Condor: This story remided me of OTHER stories, which at first, kinda annoyed me for a reason i couldn't put my finger on.  But, as the story went on, it went away and instead, the story felt like putting on an old jacket.  I can't really describe it better than that, so I'm sorry for the bad description.  it just had the flow of fiction I've grown up with in the past- and I'm not saying it's PERFECT, a courgar painted up like a romulan bird of prey is cheesy in an old 1980s sci-fi way and YET, the writer made it WORK.  The characters work, the playlist idea- look, we don't hear enough about music in the BattleTech universe, so anytime we get a glimpse that the arts are still going on, I dig it- i dunno.  This story may not work for everyone, but by the end, I had nodding along with it.  Well done.  (PS: I have loved the tooth of ymir FOREVER because they have such a GREAT name.  good to see them in a story!)

Cutting the competition: another fun little scenario!  man, I said it before, i'll say it again, the writers of the game aids just kill it, every month, and issue 10 feels like a notch above!

This too shall pass:  ooohhh, man.  This is a story that needed to be told, and James Lee did a good job of it.  I've always loved the 21st Centauri Lancers, and seeing them have some face time makes me smile.  Just good stuff here discussing a moment that got about a paragraph in the sourcebooks but was worth so, so much more.

Wolf Howl: what an interesting idea.  At first, i was a little troubled because the points seem like good or bad rolls can make it too easy or too hard.  And then I realized, "hey, that's life at war, kiddo," and was okay with it.  Odds are a player will have a good roll, a bad roll, and the rest should be average.  keeps the game interesting!

Now, NORMALLY, i don't read a multi-part until ALL the parts are published.  i didn't read mike stackpole's till it was done, didn't read Craig till it was done, and I was going to do the same.  but then, since I was breaking them all down I figured what the heck, and the I REMEMBERED WHY I DON'T DO THIS!!
BECAUSE I WANT TO READ THEM ALL NOW!  Not going to lie, I saw this was first person -ugh!!- AND set in Concordant -rolls eyes- AND during the Star league era -rolls eyes so hard the click in head-
Look, a lot of 1st person sci-fi doesn't work, a lot of TC stories are about either them fighting a) the FSs or B) the SLDF.  I deep sighed and figured, "here we go, another 'I'm mad at the invaders grr grr grr' story, Booo-bloody-yah," and was HAPPILY surprised that this subverted my expectations.  I've seen some chatter complaining that this is "too close to real" or "has politics in it" but, HELLO, nearly all of sci-fi DOES?  Complaining about politics in sci-fi is like complaining that the sky is blue: it IS a staple, and like it or else, it is what it is.
And here, the author uses real-life allegories in sci-fi -literally a tradition as old as the genre- to explore both sides, to see each side in a way that people often can't when talking about the "real" world.  It was done WELL, the characters were on POINT, and the 1st person narrative (like "bad and worse" earlier in the issue) NAILS it, hitting the character right and placing them IN the setting without the setting overwhelming the story.

It's a GREAT start to what I'm sure will be a great story, and again, i normally don't read them till they're done so I can read them all at once!! GAH!  why did I do this to myself?

ANYWAYS,
Issue 10 is probably my favorite of them all so far.  truly, every single thing in it is "above average or better," which is a helluva feat.  congrats and well done to all my fellow writers!

not, get off the internet and get back to work! ;-P hahaha

[Stinger]

Last Flight of the Black Condor: This story remided me of OTHER stories, which at first, kinda annoyed me for a reason i couldn't put my finger on.  But, as the story went on, it went away and instead, the story felt like putting on an old jacket.  I can't really describe it better than that, so I'm sorry for the bad description.  it just had the flow of fiction I've grown up with in the past- and I'm not saying it's PERFECT, a courgar painted up like a romulan bird of prey is cheesy in an old 1980s sci-fi way and YET, the writer made it WORK.  The characters work, the playlist idea- look, we don't hear enough about music in the BattleTech universe, so anytime we get a glimpse that the arts are still going on, I dig it- i dunno.  This story may not work for everyone, but by the end, I had nodding along with it.  Well done.  (PS: I have loved the tooth of ymir FOREVER because they have such a GREAT name.  good to see them in a story!)

I am glad you liked it! I have always had the image of this story in my head for years and years.  Somewhere between the opening of MechWarrior 4 Vengeance and, I kid you not, the rescue scene in Shrek 2.  The music was inspired by the music in that scene in shrek 2 combined with the much more recent Alphabet squadron trilogy of books inspired me on how to write the playlist. This story has been in my head since I was like 15, so maybe that sense hahaha.

[tassa_kay]

I'm literally buying this issue because of Kara's Scorchers getting a write-up. This unit has interested me ever since MWDA introduced it to the clicky game, and I'm excited to see it get fleshed out more. Does anyone here have any thoughts on this write-up?

[five_corparty]

I'm literally buying this issue because of Kara's Scorchers getting a write-up. This unit has interested me ever since MWDA introduced it to the clicky game, and I'm excited to see it get fleshed out more. Does anyone here have any thoughts on this write-up?

It was good!  i didn't realize they existed in clicky beforehand, so it carries over well enough to stand on it's own two feet

[five_corparty]

I am glad you liked it! I have always had the image of this story in my head for years and years.  Somewhere between the opening of MechWarrior 4 Vengeance and, I kid you not, the rescue scene in Shrek 2.  The music was inspired by the music in that scene in shrek 2 combined with the much more recent Alphabet squadron trilogy of books inspired me on how to write the playlist. This story has been in my head since I was like 15, so maybe that sense hahaha.

I could see the alphabet roots; love those books, so it was a good tribute/vibe

[Jal Phoenix]

Anyone have thoughts on Last Flight of the Black Condor? It was my first short story that wasn't a technical article.  I'm curious to see what people thought (good and bad, but be nice :) ). 

Okay, I read it. It was a good story, a quick, brutal piece that gets across what BattleTech is. War and death, and sometimes there's a reason for it. The story is fine, but I did notice a lot of places where technical improvements could be made to the writing. Lots of first time writer stuff, which is easy to address.

Your narration is excellent, but dialog leaves a lot to be desired. You spend a lot of dialog on exposition, especially in the beginning. People don't talk like that. Give exposition through narration, if you have to give it at all. Playing into that is the "show, don't tell" aspect. For example, don't tell me that a character is obnoxious, show it to me through his words and actions, and especially don't have another character waste dialog telling me! Dialog is the characters interacting with each other. Keep in mind that they already know each other, and will not need to point out things to each other.

There are a lot of other little quick fix things that can help improve your writing by tightening it up. The quality is there, but applying these little fixes will make it shine better.

[Dubble_g]

Finally finished the volume. Fast writer, slow reader lol. Won't do a blow by blow of every single story, as quite frankly I don't have anything intelligent to say about most of them, but overall it was a fun issue and it was great to see the range and diversity of stories being published.

Notwithstanding the above, a couple of (fairly unintelligent) thoughts and reactions:

Forbidden Lore: What an interesting tone for a BTech story. Feels almost like a throwback to the mystic ki energy and phantom Mech plotlines of early Stackpole and Charette. Almost Lovecraftian! I know BT is primarily military SF but I'm happy to see writers push those boundaries!

Voices of the Sphere & The Bullets Never Stop: Love more experimental approaches to the fiction, in-universe interviews, reviews, yes! Would love to see an epistolary story set in HPG messages, an oral history composed of interview clips, a recorded transcript, a diary, would love to see writers get creative with the format!

Three Ways Home: I lean more towards applicability than analogy in my own writing (seems to have worked: nobody commented on the real world parallels in Undefeated) but it's refreshing to see writers try other approaches. I'll admit the setup to this one doesn't really resonate with me as it feels geared towards a specifically American sociopolitical issue, but let me also say I found the writing lively, energetic and entertaining.

Last Flight of the Black Condor: Gloriously cheesy. Love it.

This Too Shall Pass: Not really a comment on the story but the trope of "dependents get held hostage" and I just thought, wouldn't it be great to get the viewpoint of one of the people who get taken hostage one of these days. Like maybe they organize a resistance and free themselves rather than waiting for the parent unit to sweep in and save the day.

Oh, completely unofficial writer discord if anyone wants to swap story ideas or beta reads and whatnot.
https://discord.gg/S4GMj5Yn

[DarkISI]

And not a word about Flying Kites  :'(

[Dubble_g]

Sorry my dude, fun story, liked it and Trial Most Acceptable and the rest, just don't really have anything to add. Think some interesting discussion already took place upthread!

[Doc Swift]

Forbidden Lore: What an interesting tone for a BTech story. Feels almost like a throwback to the mystic ki energy and phantom Mech plotlines of early Stackpole and Charette. Almost Lovecraftian! I know BT is primarily military SF but I'm happy to see writers push those boundaries!

You got my intent down square. This story was my attempt to write a Lovecraftian cosmic horror story in the BT setting.

[Firebird]

Still working my way through this one but I really liked Bad and Worse. Fun and believable look at how people in this universe end up in rough places.

[tassa_kay]

Okay, now that I finally got my hands on this issue, I'm gonna react to the content that especially interested me.

"A Trial Most Acceptable": This was hands-down not only my favorite story in the issue by a long shot, but it might be my favorite story I've read in BattleTech in years. I'm a sucker for the Hell's Horses, so I was immediately drawn in. I LOVED the dive into ProtoMechWarriors and how they work in practice, something we haven't seen since Randall's "Tears of Blood". As an LGBT player, I appreciated the brief touch on the Clan view of sexuality, and how casual they were not only about sexual relations in general but with *same-sex* relations, something we've all long theorized about but never had many concrete examples of. I really, really enjoyed this story a LOT.

"The Bull Has Turned": I haven't laughed this hard at a BattleTech piece in my life. In fact, I think this was the first humorous BattleTech entry that I thought was actually *funny*. The level of trolling was just off the charts here.

Kara's Scorchers: Awesome to see one of my favorite MWDA units not only get a proper fleshing out, but a continuance into the ilKhan era proper. I did find myself curious if they use any Salamander BAs, because they feel right up this unit's alley. I even thought the modified Spirit Cat insignia wreathed in flames was a great little touch!

Battle of the Belt: I took a gander at this because, again, Hell's Horses... but I gotta say, this is one of the most unique and interesting scenarios I've ever seen, and I can't *wait* to give this one a whirl!

Marine Vulpine Recovery: Not only is this a fantastic set-up for Destiny play, but I'm a big fan of *any* content out in the Chainelane Isles. I would 100% run this if I had an excuse to do so.

[Known Glitch]

My intention was that no one would know that this was going to be a Marauder story until that moment. The EI thing must be serendipity. I haven't read your story, but I will check it out. What's the title and where is it? With my portrayal, I wanted to show what about EI was addictive, and why it drove people mad. My bout with the shingles informed the latter, and for the former I went with the more human than human approach. I also wanted to delve into the failings of such a system, and how it could be fooled in ways the eyes can't, and use that to drip feed the reader some information. There's a lot more in this story than I think people will catch on to. I have one more story idea that will pay it all off, but I won't be writing it for a while.

Kudos to both of you on your respective stories.  I like the deeper explorations into EI - the benefits and pitfalls.  (Thank you to TPTB for publishing the Black Marauder story collection, btw.)  Looking forward to that final story in the series.  One question though - Lydia Spaatz (nice nod to the WWII USAAF General), the Bloodname list on Sarna says that this one is exclusive to the Cloud Cobras post Reaving?  Am I reading this wrong or are we looking at a line that made it out beforehand?   

[Mendrugo]

Per the Edict of Severance, any Clanner in the Inner Sphere who could make either a matrilineal or patrilineal claim to a Bloodhouse was allowed to form a new Bloodhouse of that name in the Inner Sphere in the late 3090s, without regard to the claims of Kerensky Cluster-based Clans.

[Known Glitch]

Per the Edict of Severance, any Clanner in the Inner Sphere who could make either a matrilineal or patrilineal claim to a Bloodhouse was allowed to form a new Bloodhouse of that name in the Inner Sphere in the late 3090s, without regard to the claims of Kerensky Cluster-based Clans.

That explains it.  Thanks!  :thumbsup:

[Mendrugo]

Battle of the Belt: I took a gander at this because, again, Hell's Horses... but I gotta say, this is one of the most unique and interesting scenarios I've ever seen, and I can't *wait* to give this one a whirl!

It's designed to give players lots of choices that have potential rewards measured against high risk in a very unforgiving environment.  (Less so than in the first draft, where failing a maneuver roll meant drifting off into the void or pancaking into an asteroid at terminal velocity - the playtest was brutal during the transits.)

[five_corparty]

Okay, now that I finally got my hands on this issue, I'm gonna react to the content that especially interested me.

"A Trial Most Acceptable": This was hands-down not only my favorite story in the issue by a long shot, but it might be my favorite story I've read in BattleTech in years. I'm a sucker for the Hell's Horses, so I was immediately drawn in. I LOVED the dive into ProtoMechWarriors and how they work in practice, something we haven't seen since Randall's "Tears of Blood". As an LGBT player, I appreciated the brief touch on the Clan view of sexuality, and how casual they were not only about sexual relations in general but with *same-sex* relations, something we've all long theorized about but never had many concrete examples of. I really, really enjoyed this story a LOT.

Thank you!  I really felt - and wanted to show - that Clans, since reproduction is separate from sex, don't care who bangs who.  More than that, I also wanted to show respecting of boundaries: "oh, you don't want to have sex with me? Cool, cool, let me introduce you to my friend, you might like them instead."
Thank you as well for the kind words about the ProtoMechs: I really wanted to make them unique, and intresting to both readers and future writers.

and, finally, like your review said, there is a TON of great stuff in that issue: cover to cover, It's one of my faves (if not my TOP FAVE) of all the issues published so far!

[DarkISI]

Remember to leave reviews on Amazon, not just here. Reviews are so much better than simple ratings :)

[ShroudedSciuridae]

Wait a second, does the patrilineal heritage change of the Edict of Severance also moot any potential issues with Alaric's Bloodname? Assuming there's actually Vlad Ward DNA in there to some extent.

[Mendrugo]

It only applied to Bloodhouses from the non-Invading Clans, allowing them to be reborn as “new” bloodhouses in the Inner Sphere.  So Ward wasn’t affected.

[Jal Phoenix]

Kudos to both of you on your respective stories.  I like the deeper explorations into EI - the benefits and pitfalls.  (Thank you to TPTB for publishing the Black Marauder story collection, btw.)  Looking forward to that final story in the series.  One question though - Lydia Spaatz (nice nod to the WWII USAAF General), the Bloodname list on Sarna says that this one is exclusive to the Cloud Cobras post Reaving?  Am I reading this wrong or are we looking at a line that made it out beforehand?   

Lydia Sapptz's Bloodname name has nothing at all to do with me needing an aerospace phenotype Bloodname for her, and flipping open FM Warden Clans to check the Snow Ravens' list, but I always habitually confuse the Snow Ravens and Cloud Cobras. Absolutely nothing at all to do with that.

[DarkISI]

Wait a second, does the patrilineal heritage change of the Edict of Severance also moot any potential issues with Alaric's Bloodname? Assuming there's actually Vlad Ward DNA in there to some extent.

We know there is Ward DNA in him, because him having the DNA triggered a message when he arrived on Terra for the first time.

[Known Glitch]

Lydia Spaatz's Bloodname name has nothing at all to do with me needing an aerospace phenotype Bloodname for her, and flipping open FM Warden Clans to check the Snow Ravens' list, but I always habitually confuse the Snow Ravens and Cloud Cobras. Absolutely nothing at all to do with that.

  :thumbsup: Well played. 

[Scrollreader]

It only applied to Bloodhouses from the non-Invading Clans, allowing them to be reborn as “new” bloodhouses in the Inner Sphere.  So Ward wasn’t affected.

Not to derail this excessively, but where can I find this, and does it mean Scorpion bloodnames are fair game as well?

[Mendrugo]

Not to derail this excessively, but where can I find this, and does it mean Scorpion bloodnames are fair game as well?

Shrapnel #3 - "The Great Reavings" article.

Basically, any Bloodname that you want to use can be assumed to be active in the Inner Sphere post-3100.  Of course, those from the Scorpion Empire and/or Kerensky Cluster may dispute the legitimacy of such Bloodnames, but that's a story for the future.  Per the Edict of Severance, the Inner Sphere Clans decreed that they don't care what those guys think.

[Doc Swift]

The Scorpions would probably be happy to be in the conversation at all, especially since they have created brand new Bloodhouses over the last few decades.

[trboturtle]

The Scorpions would probably be happy to be in the conversation at all, especially since they have created brand new Bloodhouses over the last few decades.

I know one bloodname the Scorpions should have.......

Craig

[Kit deSummersville]

I know one bloodname the Scorpions should have.......

Craig

Schenker?

[trboturtle]

Schenker?

Er... no....

The one Scorpion who shaped their outlook more than any bloodnamed warrior, the one that set them onto the path of being Indiana Jones with military weapons..... Ethan Moreau ....

Craig

[tassa_kay]

It's a shame that the Scorpions don't have any of Ethan Moreau's genetic legacy to be able to start up a Bloodhouse for his lineage. With them not having to answer to the other Clans anymore and taking such steps as straight-up adding Hansa and Nueva Castilian lineages to their programs, it would've been a great time to properly establish a Moreau Bloodhouse.

[trboturtle]

It's a shame that the Scorpions don't have any of Ethan Moreau's genetic legacy to be able to start up a Bloodhouse for his lineage. With them not having to answer to the other Clans anymore and taking such steps as straight-up adding Hansa and Nueva Castilian lineages to their programs, it would've been a great time to properly establish a Moreau Bloodhouse.

You don't think the Scorpions wouldn't have stashed his legacy somewhere, just in case? Not to use it, but I'm betting that they do have it.....

Craig

[Scrollreader]

One of the 'sad/funny/people in the future are still people' things was always the CGS vying for the Moreau bloodname, even though it was the wrong Moreau.  They knew it wasn't the right Moreau, but they valued it anyway, despite that being bad history, and a total repudiation of the whole idea of Bloodheritage (since they didn't value it for the Warrior history of the *actual* Burrock warrior, Abra Moreau.

[tassa_kay]

You don't think the Scorpions wouldn't have stashed his legacy somewhere, just in case? Not to use it, but I'm betting that they do have it.....

I mean, anything's possible.

[Spirit Cat Refugee]

I appreciated the Unit Spotlight on Kara's Scorchers. Was always one of my favorite clix pieces back in the day.