Author Topic: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)  (Read 4054 times)

JAMES_PRYDE

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"A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« on: 22 February 2014, 00:39:58 »
"A Rending of Falcons" (An Alternate fan fiction ending)

[A lead up to the prologue of my three short (fan fiction) novels I have decided to write, about Clan Jade Falcon having honour restored, and progress being made, both in domestic and military matters, under the care and guidance of the rightful Khan, Jayna Pryde!] O0

(Below is the final battle between Malvina and Jayna, actual cannon text will be in italics, and then the fan fiction will take over in normal text)

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from "A Rending of Falcons" by Victor Milan...

"....The Khan of Clan Jade Falcon was no coward. Not one to wait like a rabbit in a hole to be dug out by a badger. But if she was brave as a Falcon should be she was also arrogant. Too arrogant in her moment of triumph to be as suspicious as she ought after the shattered Black Rose apparently out of control, had conveniently disappeared into a tumbling hunk of wreckage.

Now the two battlemechs were joined together by Black Rose's locked claw. And Malvina came, indeed, to dig her foe from her hole. The taller woman wore a form fitting green and yellow pressure suit over cooling mesh and vest. Malvina's space suit was black and silver. Neither was armoured to an appreciable degree; a Battlemech was a suit of armor, after all.

Jayna Pryde was long and strong. Malvina was quick as a weasel. She snatched the laser pistol from Jayna Pryde's grasp as it loosed a futile red blast into the void.

Then holding it before the faceplate of her enemy's oressure suit Malvina Hazen crushed the weapon in her prosthetic hand. Which inside its glove was black as the space around them. Floating free of the immobilized Battlemechs, the two warrior women grapples inside the shadowy half hull. Jayna Pryde's strength told first. She pinioned Malvina's legs with her own, forced her arms to her sides. Futiley Malvina tried to head butt her; Jayna Pryde merely hugged her close with the chin on top of Malvina's pressure hooded head. Had they not been forced to wear faceplates it would have exposed her throat to the madwoman's sharp teeth. As it was, the Khan held her foe helpless.

Malvina struggled wildly to break free. "And so it ends, " Jayna Pryde murmured, through jaws tight shut to prevent Malvina's breaking them with a quick head bob. "You might have been a worthy sucessor. But you could not wait."

Malvina strained her head upward. Jayna Pryde locked an arm around her throat, flowed behind her, caught her in a head lock.

"Good bye little Hazen", Jayna Pryde said, twisting the smaller woman's head to break her neck. "Your bloodline is overdue for a Reaving."

Malicious laughter rang in her ears...."


There, Falcon sight possessed Jayna, quickly in thought, in the thrill of almost having done away with this little blood foul, and the threat to her Clan. She could think not to be arrogant, as she had underestimated Malvina countless times in the past, and disaster had followed. Why the laughter ?, there had to be more to it. There, out of the corner of her eye, Jayna quickly saw Malvina's prosthetic "arm of death" quickly reaching up. During the struggle of the fight she had not noticed it, but now she did, her scared and traditional combat knife, embossed with the marks of Elizabeth Hazen, and the founders, with Turkina over seeing all of them. Malvina's sinister came, using its un-natural strength, to start removing Jayna's arm from Malvina's throat. Jayna grunted in a mixture of surprise and anger, as the arm twisted savagely, torquing her elbow from its socket.

Malvina legs scissored open, and by doing this, sent Jayna into a small spin, as Malvina moved in for the next pinning move with her legs. "I toyed with you", Malvina said arrogantly over the public channel, "to make your failure sting the worse."

As Malvina's flesh and blood hand grabbed Jayna out of the spin she was in, and lined her hand of death to smash her faceplate, Jayna thought "time to end this, you little witch !". As earlier in the fight, the knife had gone astray and disappeared from immediate sight, and it was only thanks to Malvina, for breaking Jayna's arm and socket, and sending in her into a little spin, that she was able to grab the knife with her good arm, and as Malvina came for the killing blow, Jayna Pryde, rammed the founders knife into the throat of the she devil, the so called "Chingis Khan" and then violently slashed sideways.

Malvina struggled drowning in blood, still raged to try and choke Jayna with her last dying breaths, Jayna thought "this witch is determined, I will give her that. Time to put the sting into her death !", and with that taunted her saying "go join your brother in hell, blood foul !" this had the desired effect of enraging Malvina further, to hasten the blood loss and fading oxygen from her slashed suit. Her grip on Jayna's bad arm loosened, then finally her face went even more white that it was, and her eyes reddened, Jayna rammed the but end of the knife into her faceplate, shattering it, and watched her finally die for good, grabbing her to kick her away from herself with a double kick, backward into the debris, just then noticing amongst the zero gee pool of blood around Malvina and the immediate area, a single floating synthetic "Black Rose", she crushed it in her hand as the corpse of the blood foul, and one of the most darkest chapters in the history of Clan Jade Falcon, came to an end...

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The next instalment with the lead up to my prologue, takes place after the Trial, and the after effects of it.

Any constructive criticism, tips, or advice is welcome :)   

ArkRoyalRavager

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #1 on: 24 February 2014, 10:10:33 »
The ending I had hoped for. But of course, they will never let happen, due to the need to turn Clan Jade Falcon Darker & Edgier

JAMES_PRYDE

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #2 on: 24 February 2014, 19:04:36 »
The ending I had hoped for

Seylah sibkin ! O0

but, yes, this is an alternate time line concept, so for me, this is the timeline I live in now  :D

Jaim Magnus

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #3 on: 24 February 2014, 20:55:10 »
Nice effort.  I'm gonna be nitpick guy, because that's what I do (sometimes).  Jana Pryde.
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JAMES_PRYDE

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #4 on: 25 February 2014, 02:36:17 »
the reason I spell her name "Jayna" is when I first read "Jana" I thought something was lacking, to balance out "Pryde" and give it more "falconish" kicking power, and in my subconscious it was a "y". I guess for me, it flows better, "feels" better too. As if you were to write is, the "y" lines up well with the top of the "P" and then is balanced out again by "y"  Jayna Pryde. I know I am being a perfectionist, but writing and calligraphy is one of my interests

Also that is my personal take on her name too O0 (also I guess to depart from the "primary" or "old" universe Jana too, seeing how I am creating an alternate timeline with my fan fiction)


ArkRoyalRavager

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #5 on: 25 February 2014, 09:51:23 »
Wow. Jayna Pryde is a Weaponmaster. Which translates to...dual vibroblades in this universe? Battletech can be so primitive sometimes. We need a more elegant weapon for a more civilized age

I'll share my personal view of how things should've gone. Aleks only gets a near-death experience on Skye, his loyalists spirit him away for a very long time in a nutrient tank, Malvina leads the Falcons towards Terra but the RAF stomps them flat, then Aleks and his faithful swoop in to lead the remnants to safety and allow the original noble CJF to be reborn.

JAMES_PRYDE

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #6 on: 06 March 2014, 22:35:40 »
Part 2, A lead up to the prologue of the first fan fiction short novel "A Return of Falcons:  Wings of Reflection"


Hammarr, Sudeten
Clan Jade Falcon Occupation Zone
4 April 3136


Khan Jayna Pryde's dropship finally touched down at the space port of Hammar. She was glad, in order to keep the positive after effects of her crushing the little she devil in quick succession, like a good Trial should be, not dragging its feet, she had ordered 1 and a half G acceleration back to Hammar, after depart from the badly damaged Warship Jade Aegis , she had been annoyed with it, ever since leaving the docking collar, as her broken arm under the stress of 1 and a half G of acceleration had not fared well. "Hah" Jayna thought "A small price to pay for my victory"

The dropship finally touched down, with her vanguard assembled, and her line officers meeting her at the space port, especially some of her most loyal officers, throughout the rending, Hastur Chistu and Erik Chistu, all saluted and stood to attention as she walked down the ramp. Loremaster Julia Buhallin met her, bowed, and Jayna returned the bow.

"Congratulations my Khan, on behalf of the Clan, you have asserted and kept your claim to your rightful office." Julia said in her "official loremaster" tone, that Jayna had become quite fond of.
"Well met" Jayna replied, and nodded. Her and Julia paired up and started walking towards the APC, and its escorts, with line officers and vanguard in toe. All en route to Falcon's Perch in the centre of Hammar, where Jayna had organised a planet wide broadcast and a large audience of all Caste members, here in front of the public pulpit of Falcon's Perch. Also conveniently most of the touman was mobilized too.

"We, Clan Jade Falcon, have overcome a great obstacle today, in our return to greatness. The upstart and the one who dared to go against the Way of the Clans, has been destroyed by my hand." She would be damned if she was going to say Rending even though that was what it was as much as she hated to admit it, she continued "This "event" has shown the great corruptness of the Mongol Doctrine, by Clan, and even Inner Sphere standards. This will not be allowed to happen again. Over the course of the last month, the Clan has shown its self, that it, that we can over come what divides us. Slip / Jesse no more. The Clan has united to destroy Malvina and her forces, and thus has proven we are ready to mobilise against our foes." Srike while the Iron is hot she thought, things would not become stagnate so to lead to another Malvina 

She continued "Over the next month, the touman and the Council will be re-organised and assessed, so better ready to deploy" Julia swallowed hard at that, thinking "what did she mean by "assessed", and then thought of the turmoil she had started, after the Khan's dropship left for orbit to fight Malvina.

Khan Jayna Pryde delivered the closing sentences to her victory speech. "The Return of the Falcon is here !" The crowd cheered, "Jayna Pryde, Jayna Pryde, Jayna Pryde !"
As she bowed, she steeped from the podium with Julia, Erik and Hastur in toe. She thought to her self "Time to fix the Clan, Her Clan..."

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Thanks for reading, any constructive criticism is welcome

My next release will be the Prologue of "Return of the Falcon: Wings of Reflection", where Jayna retreats to the Eyrie to assess the problems, and fix the Clan.       

 

marauder648

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #7 on: 07 March 2014, 04:56:39 »
Darn good stuff! Great to see the Falcons without the Mongol cool-aid and I do wonder what the changes will bring about. 
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JAMES_PRYDE

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #8 on: 07 March 2014, 05:50:58 »
Darn good stuff! Great to see the Falcons without the Mongol cool-aid and I do wonder what the changes will bring about.

thanks mate O0, as for the changes, you will have to stay tuned :), although they might still "rock the boat", even with Malvina gone ;)

ArkRoyalRavager

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #9 on: 07 March 2014, 07:54:44 »
You really like the Chistu Bloodname huh. Both aides are Chistus.

It's just 3136. It'll be interesting in seeing how the Falcons make of the Wolf OZ after their exodus without the further distraction of Malvina's uprising.

JAMES_PRYDE

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #10 on: 07 March 2014, 08:44:30 »
You really like the Chistu Bloodname huh. Both aides are Chistus.

It's just 3136. It'll be interesting in seeing how the Falcons make of the Wolf OZ after their exodus without the further distraction of Malvina's uprising.

indeed many things and possible stories I am brainstorming...

it is just a co-incidence lol,  I went through half the book looking for named pro Jayna supporters, and they were both Chistu, along with the others

ArkRoyalRavager

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Re: "A Rending of Falcons" (Alternate ending fan fiction)
« Reply #11 on: 07 March 2014, 11:34:34 »
Looking forward to the possibilities!

 

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