This scene was written, obviously, before I ended the story. Originally, I had an epilogue where Ariel was Khan Ariel's aide, which is why the Khan is thoughtful at Ariel's report. Ariel had been serving as her mom's aide (she had about half of young's lines in the original version, and is why an aide HAS so many in the revised version) and at the end, like I said, she's working for the Khan.
BUT
Something I learned in writing class is, when you finish a story, cut the last full page, and THAT"S where you actually ended it. and it WORKS. it may not be "a page," but your story ends before you think it does. In this case, the scene prior, where the trial starts. Once i wrote that scene, I knew the story was done, and the editing began, and scenes like this started to get tweaked, reflecting the Khan respecting Ariel's abilities but not leaving an open-ended plot hook.
Remember that, seriously: when you're done, look up a page, and that's where your story probably ended.
What else?
- Sandra's age: it's hard to calculate, but she's about 45-47, depending on how long her "tours" were before she returned to the light horse. Sandra was never really defined in earlier books other than tall, long hair, insecure about her leadership abilities, and the youngest colonel. I fleshed her out, gave her two husbands (in my head, she and her 1st were about to get divorced when he died, why she was avoiding him in the AFFC instead of being back in the ELH) I also cut her hair: a part I cut for length was her saying she originally cut it when she got back to dieron after William died and donated it to a cancer survivor organization, and now she grows it out for a couple years before cutting and donating it again. Because I -didn't- write that, it's technically not canon, but I hope you'll all consider it to be part of her personality. :)
- I looked, but I couldn't find another Colonel that rebuilt their regiment THREE TIMES across BattleTech history. There is probably one I missed, but Sandra might very well be unique. She's finally secure in her abilities to lead, but now it's THAT grief, on top of losing two husbands, that undercuts her. Besides friendship, this is a woman who keeps losing friends and family -her oldest is dead, BTW, she just doesn't know it yet in this story, but the 151st is ambushed and killed by the WoB on their way home - and it was that GRIEF I wanted to make the force behind her accepting the offer.
- I -did- try to work in a lot of obscure mechs: I believe you HAVE to have a few people can recognize, but, LORDY, there's like, what, 2200 chassis? Have some fun! ESPECIALLY when writing units like mercs or the GS who pilot whatever the heck they feel like!
- The references said Rik Myers challenged the ELH, so I knew I had to have him in it. And I figured he should die, but being a shared universe, I shot a note to BLP (his creator) and made sure he didn't have future plans for someone he created- he essentially said, "nah, I'm good- ice him!- and thank you for asking." This is important: when you're in a shared universe, you can do whatever the editors say is ok, but you should communicate with your coworkers- it's both professional and a common courtesy!
- Also, man, I REALLY had to figure out how the ELH was gonna beat Rik Myers! Beating down a veteran commander is NEVER an easy task, and when I -FINALLY- hunted down a map of huntress (go on, do some googling! it's not easy! 8) :D :D ) and reread the Huntress duology, i realized that Clan Mechs fighting in the jungle are at the same ranges as their IS counterparts! To quote Mr. Spock, "sauce for the Goose, Mr. Savik." the part about logistics, well, I'm not the first author to have the heroes raid the Clans supply trains, and I'm sure I won't be the last, but I may be the first to realize it is a blind spot in the bidding process and take advantage of it. ^-^ ;D
- I stole a trick from a TV director. He said that he often shots scenes with the actors barefoot in the emotional climaxes, because it's a subtle sigh of vulnerability. What's the first thing Sandra says to Ariel on the roof, right before their first, real heart-to-heart? I don't USUALLY put in "metaphors" and all that crap they pumped into our brains in highschool, but this idea? Well, it stuck with me, so i wrote it in. They're barefoot again later in the story, as you may remember, and it's also kinda an important one... ^-^
- the Blazer is an anachronism: continuity pointed out they should NOT have one, because the exodus was before they were invented, but (with editorial approval) I left that line in as-is so someone can write a shrapnel story about it down the road where/when and how a seeker found it and brought it back. :)
- The commander of the 82nd Heavy Cav is the Cadet from two stories prior; I thought she was an incredible character, so (again) talking to her creator, I name-checked her to show she was both good enough and lucky enough to have survived all three rebuilds
that's all I can think of about the actual writing process- if anyone has questions about the story, you can ask here or in the other thread, and if I think of anything else, I'll drop another note.
But I hope this thread has been useful to others out there who are thinking of dropping a submission to shrapnel: my way won't work for everyone, but I hope it helps and inspires you, and remember, whatever gets your butt into a seat and gets you typing IS THE RIGHT WAY FOR YOU. Good luck and have fun to you all!