Author Topic: So a Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar Walk Into a Bar... (Read 6485 times)

ColBosch · « **on:** 05 April 2015, 17:08:52 »

Finish the joke! The only rule (beyond THE RULES) is that it must start with "a Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar." Breaking the formula will result in anvils being dropped. Whining about the formula will result in crotch punches.

I'll start with a couple, but be warned, I recognize my own lack of humor. Would that others could be so honest...

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. All three make their piloting rolls, but the building still collapses.

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar, swung by an Atlas. They all get smashed. (BONUS PUN MODE.)

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. <MAIN JOKE BODY REDACTED> They call their act "the Aristocrats." (Just to get this one out of the way.)

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. Victor Steiner-Davion walks under it.

Drewbacca · « **Reply #1 on:** 05 April 2015, 17:33:47 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Empyrus · « **Reply #2 on:** 05 April 2015, 18:36:10 »

Quote from: Drewbacca on 05 April 2015, 17:33:47

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and yells, "my bar!"

Arkansas Warrior · « **Reply #3 on:** 05 April 2015, 18:57:34 »

Quote from: ColBosch on 05 April 2015, 17:08:52

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. ~~Victor Steiner-Davion~~ An Urbanmech walks under it.

FIFY O0

ColBosch · « **Reply #4 on:** 05 April 2015, 19:34:54 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. Kai Allard-Liao bangs his head on it. It makes him a man.

(from a friend)

Kotetsu · « **Reply #5 on:** 05 April 2015, 21:12:24 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar, it collapses sending them into the deep.

Mech42ace · « **Reply #6 on:** 05 April 2015, 22:29:50 »

A marauder, cataphract and a caesar walk into a bar... The bar was destroyed!

rebs · « **Reply #7 on:** 05 April 2015, 22:48:58 »

Quote from: ColBosch on 05 April 2015, 19:34:54

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. Kai Allard-Liao bangs his head on it. It makes him a man.

(from a friend)

b00m!

Ok, here goes..

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar... The fake Thomas Marik counters with a small offensive operation partly out of revenge, and partly to appease certain FWL politicians and their power blocs without giving in to any real demands.

rebs · « **Reply #8 on:** 05 April 2015, 23:02:27 »

In case that one didn't suck forcefully enough...

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The Marauder says "I'll take a Highball."

The Cataphract says "I'll take a Redheaded Slut."

And the Caesar says "Et Carpe Diem!"

rebs · « **Reply #9 on:** 06 April 2015, 18:39:48 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

It was the Ides of March. The Dictator and the Republic over which he held dominion never emerged.

The Brigand was executed for the crime immediately amid public spectacle and great bloodlust.

The strong and noble Kataphractos fought a bitter and protracted war that ended tragically with his death at the side of his lover, the young Capellan Chancellor. Both were demonized by the Davions for their role in not being victors of the struggle.

rebs · « **Reply #10 on:** 07 April 2015, 01:03:11 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

They missed the orbital insertion that would have landed them on the bar in time for dollar drinks and the NO COVER CHARGE TIKI PARTY!

ClarkeMarek · « **Reply #11 on:** 07 April 2015, 01:36:02 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

but it jams and does no damage to them. :)

rebs · « **Reply #12 on:** 07 April 2015, 17:32:42 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

...mitzvah! The guest of honor thought it was exactly what he wanted. :)

rebs · « **Reply #13 on:** 08 April 2015, 21:36:23 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The barkeeper successfully disbelieved the illusion with a roll of a 20!

NeonKnight · « **Reply #14 on:** 09 April 2015, 00:10:34 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The blonde however, was the smartest of the group, and used the door.

Ba-dum-KISH!

rebs · « **Reply #15 on:** 09 April 2015, 11:12:26 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The Caesar says to the Marauder, "I don't know, man, but doesn't drinking rum before 10 AM technically make you a Pirate?"

rebs · « **Reply #16 on:** 13 April 2015, 18:18:33 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

So do a nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi, a duck, a terrorist, a horse, and a blonde.

The bartender says, "I already know this isn't going to be funny."

Mech42ace · « **Reply #17 on:** 13 April 2015, 19:30:12 »

A marauder, cataphract and caesar walk into a bar...
The bartender says "What is this. Some kind of joke?" #P

rebs · « **Reply #18 on:** 16 April 2015, 00:06:20 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "I don't serve ’Mechs, but there are three techs passed out in the corner if you don't mind waking them up."

rebs · « **Reply #19 on:** 16 April 2015, 17:09:10 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

...incurring only a +1 modifier from movement. The Bartender, who won initiative, moved last, taking position with a right-twisted torso in order to fire into the Marauder's back arc with empty tequila bottles during combat resolution.

rebs · « **Reply #20 on:** 17 April 2015, 18:00:38 »

Why?

Why was this thread created? ;D >:D O:-)

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

The Caesar takes out both ’Mechs at the end of round 1, and is henceforth uninvited to any more of their tabletop events.

ColBosch · « **Reply #21 on:** 17 April 2015, 18:09:03 »

Quote from: rebs on 17 April 2015, 18:00:38

Why?

Why was this thread created? ;D >:D O:-)

Just for you, man. Just for you. :D

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. Only the Marauder passes its Piloting check, so the other two are displaced out of the hex and fall down.

rebs · « **Reply #22 on:** 17 April 2015, 18:21:54 »

Quote from: ColBosch on 17 April 2015, 18:09:03

Just for you, man. Just for you. :D

Then should I... thank you? I think. Thanks, Bosch!

Seriously, though, I'm keeping the thread bumped in case funny people show up. :D

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar... The last time out, they jumped into a bar, prompting the owner to sue for mega C-bills.

Now things are even worse, because the bar is Unseen!

rebs · « **Reply #23 on:** 18 April 2015, 20:48:29 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

It was kind of sad; it was like they were hopeless alcoholics, and yet it was woefully detrimental to their duties and maintenance schedules.

rebs · « **Reply #24 on:** 18 April 2015, 21:09:50 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

One fan cried out "WRITER FIAT", and it never stopped echoing until the bartender's bouncer's banhammers bumped a bunch of brainpans, and even that didn't stop it, because WRITER FIAT is its own evil entity that feeds upon and gains insidious strength from the fan base's negative fringes, and yet is powerless to make a joke funny against its will, because I didn't mention yet that Hanse Davion had invited all of the above mentioned ’Mechs to the bar expressly as a ruse to distract Max Liao's cousin's experimental tech-equipped regiment into exposing itself in the relatively clear spaces south of the downtown area, where it was neutralized by aid of many MacGuyver bombs and a walkee-talkee in the hands of none other than Justin Xiang Allard! "WRITER FIAT" again went the common battle cry.

Orin J. · « **Reply #25 on:** 19 April 2015, 10:14:27 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. The SAFE agents wait for their contact patiently, confident their disguise as Lyran heavy infantry on leave is impenetrable.

rebs · « **Reply #26 on:** 01 May 2015, 00:23:35 »

Quote from: Orin J. on 19 April 2015, 10:14:27

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. The SAFE agents wait for their contact patiently, confident their disguise as Lyran heavy infantry on leave is impenetrable.

That one's good! O0 (edit: Most people might be tempted to call these jokes "bad", but I like to refer to them as "slow burners". Mostly because it kind of makes me feel better about posting my share of them.)

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...

It was a huge rave facility on Kooken's Pleasure Pit. A single point of elite Jade Falcon Elementals who had previously secured the building took them down with exacting and practiced ease, one by one by one.

It is now said in jest that these ~~five~~ four brave Elementals walked into Remembrance Bars.

Red Ronin · « **Reply #27 on:** 01 May 2015, 12:09:45 »

A Marauder, a Cataphracht and a Caesar walk into a bar. When the Caesar enters, the dice reveal a previously nonexistant two-story basement and they all fall in.

Perigrin · « **Reply #28 on:** 02 July 2015, 21:27:58 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar...
Or a Church
Or maybe a Hospital, can never tell with this Capellan GPS

ColBosch · « **Reply #29 on:** 02 July 2015, 21:37:40 »

A Marauder, a Cataphract, and a Caesar walk into a bar. It's 3030, and only the Marauder is over 21. The other two have to leave.