Author Topic: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column  (Read 28312 times)

chanman

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The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« on: 26 January 2013, 16:27:32 »
Gorky Zubok answer question here. You ask, Gorky answer! Gorky give some sample questions:


Q: Why is Capellan mech fight so poorly in Wars of Davion Aggression?

A: Strategos make heroic effort to simplify logistics. Design new heatink, no use mech coolant. Use grain alcohol. Very environmental friendly. No more pets of Capellan nobility drink mech coolant and die. Now only mechanics and mechwarrior drink mech coolant and only wish they die when wake up in morning. Also is valuable price support for farmers. State now buy moonshine to cool battlemech! Strategos not account for alternative use of new coolant. Not budget for increased expenditure. When Davion aggressors attack, Capellan mech units overheat like fat noble running from angry peasant. Capellan mechwarriors also have many problems of neurohelmet calibration from drink too much coolant. Cause very bad headache when fighting.


Q: What mech coolant taste like?

A: Late comrade tell Gorky that traditional coolant much like antifreeze of use by ground vehicle of internal combustion engine propulsion. Very thick and sweet. Gorky no ask why comrade no what antifreeze taste like. Assume from childhood of deprivation in Periphery. Sadly, comrade die when try to drink solution of pentaglycerine. Very sad. Commander have to call EOD team to dispose of body.

New non-toxic coolant depend on quality of unit and of mech. Coolant for Charger of Capellan Hussar very pure like fine vodka before dilution with clear spring water. Hussar always have severe coolant supply and sobriety problem. CO claim causation not imply correlation. CO also slurring words and have much trouble standing at podium for announcement. Coolant for Urbanmech of reserve not like vodka at all. Taste like effluent of industrial complex. Comrade who grow up near mech factory say it taste like home. Combine officers from Luthien also like taste. Not like Urbanmech.

Weirdo

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #1 on: 26 January 2013, 16:34:56 »
Q: Is Clanner real people?
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chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #2 on: 26 January 2013, 17:02:51 »
Q: Is Clanner real people?

A: Gorky learn from childhood friend at Institute of Biological Engineering that specialize in recovery of Star League technology that Clanner not actually real people. Clanner are derive from prototype biological robot for deep-Periphery colonization initiative. Very advanced generational control system. Each generation, fewer implant required. Secret history of clans say robots rebel, enslave remaining humans. Focus of Clan society on prestige of iron womb product big hint that use of biological robot technology still dominant. Hear from Donegal School of Alien Culture than Clanner not always sentient. Many subjects fail Turing Test. If want to research, old Star League project name is "Operation Cylon". Friend of Gorky claim is reference to ancient Terran 2-D entertainment franchaise. Gorky think sound like name of bicycle.

Arkansas Warrior

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #3 on: 26 January 2013, 17:06:04 »
Q: What is significance of planet name "Ambergris"?
Sunrise is Coming.

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chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #4 on: 26 January 2013, 17:14:08 »
Q: What is significance of planet name "Ambergris"?

A: In grand age of exploration, many planet have alpha-numeric codename like Beta-5129DA27MHD like good password. Explorers like give planet suitable name but many duplicates mean many rejection. Over 200 tries to register "New Earth". 300+ try for Eden. Not all explorers very creative. Ambergris unlikely to be disputed. Also very descriptive. "Rare and valuable substance that smell nice. Gastrointestinal byproduct of whale." Planet Ambergris much like description. Have valuable resource, but is mostly disgusting byproduct of geological process and stellar formation. Is diarrhea of nebula that left over from formation of star and valuable minerals that planet vomit from deep in crust.

Vash The Stampede

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #5 on: 26 January 2013, 17:37:40 »
Q: Why Vulture MK IV created before Vulture MK III?
I'm like a hunter of peace. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love... or something like that.

"I crush little childrens dreams everyday...Ralph your not a kangaroo...Ralph your also not a trophy....." (Quote used by Jesse Richards (ExtremeBloodAspUser))

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #6 on: 26 January 2013, 17:56:15 »
Q: Why Vulture MK IV created before Vulture MK III?

A: Is marketing ploy by rival design bureau competing against Mad Cat Mk. IV team. Very obvious to marketer: Bigger number is better unless word "Classic" is added for nostalgic appeal. Vulture Mk. IV like Mad Cat Mk. IV actually decontented design: Fixed configuration derivation of original 3050 config. Show lack of innovation from design teams or are cunning plans to sell obsolete configuration. Is very hard to tell after Clan Sea Fox start outsourcing core proficiencies to dynamically pursue new customer synergies in order to diversify market portfolio while maintaining aura of quality or some such consultant crap.

Beware suit clanner. Regular clanner only kill you for fun. Suit clanner kill you for fun and profit. Shoot in head then sell organ to black market. Sell rest of body to fast food chain. Scum of universe!

Arkansas Warrior

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #7 on: 27 January 2013, 13:23:45 »
I hear Kurita Catapult drivers replace LRMs with PPC.  Are crazy?  If replace LRMs, why not with sensible armament like many SRMs?
Sunrise is Coming.

All Hail First Prince Melissa Davion, the Patron Saint of the Regimental Combat Team, who cowed Dainmar Liao, created the Model Army, and rescued Robinson!  May her light ever guide the sons of the Suns, May our daughters ever endeavour to emulate her!

YingJanshi

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #8 on: 27 January 2013, 14:34:49 »
TAG

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chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #9 on: 27 January 2013, 15:23:10 »
I hear Kurita Catapult drivers replace LRMs with PPC.  Are crazy?  If replace LRMs, why not with sensible armament like many SRMs?

A: Combine mechwarrior think they 17th century samurai in 28th century war machine fighting in 31st century. Like see face of enemy when yell "BOOM HEADSHOT" Not want yell "BOOM FOOTSHOT KNEESHOT ARMSHOT LEFT TORSOSHOT RIGHT TORSOSHOT CENTER TOROSHOT HEADSHOT" like need with missile. Say PPC have more personal touch. Also, yes crazy. Catapult no have arms. Have shitty close range tracking with direct fire weapon like PPC. Combine warrior not care. Have addiction to shoot enemy in face.
« Last Edit: 27 January 2013, 15:43:01 by chanman »

Vash The Stampede

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #10 on: 27 January 2013, 15:32:57 »
Why MWDA Atlas so ugly, like machine from Mad Max?
I'm like a hunter of peace. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love... or something like that.

"I crush little childrens dreams everyday...Ralph your not a kangaroo...Ralph your also not a trophy....." (Quote used by Jesse Richards (ExtremeBloodAspUser))

Arkansas Warrior

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #11 on: 27 January 2013, 15:43:47 »
A: Combine mechwarrior think they 17th century samurai in 28th century war machine fighting in 31st century. Like see face of enemy when yell "BOOM HEADSHOT" Not want yell "BOOM FOOTSHOT KNEESHOT ARMSHOT LEFT TORSOSHOT RIGHT TORSOSHOT CENTER TOROSHOT HEADSHOT" like need with missile. Say PPC have more personal touch. Also, yes crazy. Catapult no have arms. Have shitty close range tracking with direct fire weapon like PPC. Combine warrior not care. Have addiction to shoot enemy in face.
[wildandcrazy]
Sunrise is Coming.

All Hail First Prince Melissa Davion, the Patron Saint of the Regimental Combat Team, who cowed Dainmar Liao, created the Model Army, and rescued Robinson!  May her light ever guide the sons of the Suns, May our daughters ever endeavour to emulate her!

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #12 on: 27 January 2013, 16:10:53 »
Why MWDA Atlas so ugly, like machine from Mad Max?

A: Is because design team read quote from ALEKSANDR KERENSKY LIBERATOR OF TERRA about need for ugly. Design team no understand that there good ugly and there bad ugly. Good ugly scary to enemy. Make enemy shit in pants like frightened children. MWDA design team not choose this ugly. Only have budget for bad ugly that no one want drive. Ugly like ass of Precentor Poopy McNoPants. Make new Atlas look like skeleton of old Atlas. Cause Kerensky body to tumble violently over Strana Mechty.

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #13 on: 27 January 2013, 16:29:45 »
Gorky not only answer question. Gorky ask question too! One time ask wise old merchant this question:

Q: Why New Kyoto girls prettier than Luthien girls? Japanese girls on New Kyoto, Japanese girls on Luthien, da tovarish?

A: New Kyoto is Lyran world can afford cosmetics. Also razors to shave leg with. In Combine, no chemical available for making of cosmetic substances. Chemical only for making of fertilizer and ammunition for war effort.
« Last Edit: 27 January 2013, 16:31:40 by chanman »

Vash The Stampede

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #14 on: 27 January 2013, 16:38:13 »
Why Ryoken II have not even slight resemblance to Stormcrow?
I'm like a hunter of peace. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love... or something like that.

"I crush little childrens dreams everyday...Ralph your not a kangaroo...Ralph your also not a trophy....." (Quote used by Jesse Richards (ExtremeBloodAspUser))

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #15 on: 27 January 2013, 17:03:30 »
Why Ryoken II have not even slight resemblance to Stormcrow?

A: Is marketing ploy of Clan Ghost Bear and sign that they infected by depraved Lyran pursuit of profit. Ryoken II is expensive piece of shit that use advanced technology badly. All weapon need Clan ammunition. Must by from Clan Ghost Bear or void warrantee on expensive weapons. But it okay because mech is CLAN and it hav hand for punch enemy with!. Only show how stupid Republic procurement sistema is. Ryoken II look little like Stormcrow if squint. Similar cockpit location and leg design. Also more fat, more slow, more expensive, less effective. Is actually much like poor Spheroid copy of Clan mech but with higher mark up. For some reason, mech still sell well.

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #16 on: 27 January 2013, 20:11:55 »
Why Combine make hate for Mech of weight medium? 
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chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #17 on: 27 January 2013, 20:20:38 »
Why Combine make hate for Mech of weight medium?

A: Medium mech is mech of compromise weight. About being reasonable combination of firepower, armour, and speed. DCMS not about reasonable. Hate compromise. Only like mech that no can run away like Panther or that can run around with hair on fire like Jenner and Dragon.

Arkansas Warrior

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #18 on: 27 January 2013, 20:59:52 »
But are heavy mech not also compromise?  One think DCMS mech be all 20 tons or hundred tons, da?
Sunrise is Coming.

All Hail First Prince Melissa Davion, the Patron Saint of the Regimental Combat Team, who cowed Dainmar Liao, created the Model Army, and rescued Robinson!  May her light ever guide the sons of the Suns, May our daughters ever endeavour to emulate her!

Giovanni Blasini

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #19 on: 27 January 2013, 22:17:08 »
Which MechWarrior is crazier: the Locust pilot or the UrbanMech pilot?
"Does anyone know where the love of God goes / When the waves turn the minutes to hours?"
-- Gordon Lightfoot, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #20 on: 27 January 2013, 23:11:17 »
But are heavy mech not also compromise?  One think DCMS mech be all 20 tons or hundred tons, da?

A: Da, but heavy mech usually unreasonable compromise. DCMS no like compromise but HATE reasonable.


Which MechWarrior is crazier: the Locust pilot or the UrbanMech pilot?

A: Clearly is Urbanmech pilot. Locust is faster mech. Locust pilot can run away for Commisar to shoot later. Urbanmech pilot can not.
« Last Edit: 28 January 2013, 00:41:41 by chanman »

Giovanni Blasini

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #21 on: 28 January 2013, 00:49:44 »
Does Niops really have elves, and do the Canopians really have mermaids?
"Does anyone know where the love of God goes / When the waves turn the minutes to hours?"
-- Gordon Lightfoot, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #22 on: 28 January 2013, 00:58:06 »
Does Niops really have elves, and do the Canopians really have mermaids?

A: No. Cosmic power of universe force consolidation. Now both only have Mermelves. Fish with pointy ear of fictional species and breasts of earth women. Is very confusing. Not sure whether to ****** or make sushi.

YingJanshi

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #23 on: 28 January 2013, 02:30:50 »
How you appease angry Dice Gods? How get back good dice mojo?
« Last Edit: 28 January 2013, 16:47:29 by YingJanshi »

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #24 on: 28 January 2013, 03:26:36 »
Why first Omnimech look lees like SLDF Mercury more like Wolverine Mercury II?


Why Zeus Lyran Scout mech?

Vash The Stampede

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #25 on: 28 January 2013, 12:15:42 »
And why Davion always "good guy" faction?
I'm like a hunter of peace. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love... or something like that.

"I crush little childrens dreams everyday...Ralph your not a kangaroo...Ralph your also not a trophy....." (Quote used by Jesse Richards (ExtremeBloodAspUser))

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #26 on: 29 January 2013, 01:02:40 »
How you appease angry Dice Gods? How get back good dice mojo?

A: Must institute dice commissar. Shoot unpatriotic dice for motivation of other dice.


Why first Omnimech look lees like SLDF Mercury more like Wolverine Mercury II?

A: Is because Mercury II obviously more effective and advanced than Mercury, make better base for first omnimech. Disgraceful history of Mercury II easy to fix. Commisars remove mention of design from history.

Why Zeus Lyran Scout mech?

A: Scout mech is mech that faster than rest of unit. Zeus faster than Atlas, Stalker, useful Banshee. Is scout for these mechs.


And why Davion always "good guy" faction?

A: Is because faction with most pronounciable Anglo-Saxon names for characters.
« Last Edit: 29 January 2013, 02:41:36 by chanman »

BirdofPrey

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #27 on: 29 January 2013, 01:11:21 »
Why wolf good guy clan and Ulric Good guy clanner?

Also why Phalean?

Arkansas Warrior

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #28 on: 29 January 2013, 20:08:03 »
Why not Capellan Confederation get pet clan?  Maybe Jade Falcons?  Are correct color, carry sword.  Hate Davion and Republic.  Surely match made in heaven?
Sunrise is Coming.

All Hail First Prince Melissa Davion, the Patron Saint of the Regimental Combat Team, who cowed Dainmar Liao, created the Model Army, and rescued Robinson!  May her light ever guide the sons of the Suns, May our daughters ever endeavour to emulate her!

chanman

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Re: The Ask Gorky Zubok Column
« Reply #29 on: 29 January 2013, 21:00:32 »
Why not Capellan Confederation get pet clan?  Maybe Jade Falcons?  Are correct color, carry sword.  Hate Davion and Republic.  Surely match made in heaven?

A: Clan of Jade Falcon already are. Malvina Hazen clearly of bloodline of Kali Liao


Why wolf good guy clan and Ulric Good guy clanner?

Also why Phalean?

A: Wolf Clan good guy because of excellent sistema of Public Relations. Are shoot anybody who disagree and draw circle around body. Am not make sense to me, but I not clanner. Phelan is designer of this sistema and foremost practitioner. Conal Ward opposer of sistema. No one remember Conal now. Is terminated by commissar of public image.
« Last Edit: 29 January 2013, 21:21:27 by chanman »