I had to post this joke after finding it on the web again after a few years of not seeing it anywhere.
The World of Battletech explained with The Two Cows Analogy:
Star League-ism: You have two cows. A goat takes over the barn. One cow blows up the goat's home, then fights with the goat over the barn. The goat is killed. The fighting cow leaves the farm while the other cow proceeds to systematically nuke parts of the farm for the hell of it.
Rim Worlds Republic-ism: You have two cows. They are nuked along with the rest of your nation because of what your goat did.
OutworldsAlliance -ism: You have two cows. They are pacifists who also happen to be ace fighter pilots. You are invaded by Combine cows. You slice off the heads of some of the cows and drop said heads on remaining Combine cows. You still are pacifists.
Taurian-ism: You have two cows. The cows openly carry nuclear weapons. No one messes with you because you will nuke their asses if they look at you sideways.
Magistry of Canopian-ism: You have two cows. One buys rank in your military, the other tours human space as a novelty in a "pleasure circus."
Free Rasslhague-ism: You fight for hundreds of years for freedom for your two cows. You win freedom for you and your cows. Your cows are subsequently made Bondscows to Clan Wolf and Clan Ghost Bear. Your life sucks.
St.Ives-ism: You have two cows. You commit treason. You and your cows are seen as good guys. You are also seen as an independent nation. Neither statement is true.
Free Worlds League-ism: You have two cows. That's it. No one cares.
Lyran-ism: You have two cows. One starts a business and becomes insanely rich. The other buys rank in your military and subsequently loses three assault regiments and two worlds to a band of pirates in Locusts.
Draconis Combine-ism: You have two cows. One charges a Smoke Jaguar Dire Wolf in a Phoenix Hawk. He dies honorably and quickly. The other refuses to charge and is ordered to slice open his belly to atone for dishonor and having a brain. You are messed up.
Capellen-ism: You have two cows. Your Celestial Wisdom orders them to participate in cow wave attacks against the FedSuns. You still lose half your nation.
Davion-ism: You have two cows. One joins the military and is hailed as a hero. The other sits on the impoverished farm. You don't care about the second cow.
ComStar-ism: You have two cows. They are neutral in all things. They run a telecoms company. Those are unusually tanky looking cows though...
WoB-ism: You have two cows. They walk around in robes with math symbols. Everyone makes fun of the cows. The cows nuke everyone.
FedCom-ism: You have two cows. One can't fight but is rich. One fights expertly, but is poor. Instead of working together, your cows blame each other for their faults and fight a war with each other.
Wolf-ism: You have two cows, distantly related. Both are ************, one has a good PR agent. They beat the crap out of each other and sit in opposite corners of the room, refusing to speak to each other.
Jade Falcon-ism: You have two cows. One gets his entire Cluster killed by a guy with an physically impossible explosion. The other kills the best Mechwarrior in human space with a jump jet to the head. People can't decide if you are munchy or unlucky.
Smoke Jaguar-ism: You have two cows. Both think that Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now was an appropriate role-model. You slaughter any cow who so much as moos in your direction, then wonder why the farm teams up to crash your barn and put you the ****** down.
Ghost Bear-ism: You have two cows. You have good PR. Everyone sees the cows as nice. They ignore the fact the cows threaten massacres more often than the Jaguar cows.
Steel Viper-ism: You have two cows. Both are super-elite. You exist to lose to the Falcon cows. Sorry.
Snow Raven-ism: You have two cows. They can't fight their way out of a paper bag on the ground. Good thing you won't let anyone reach the ground.
Goliath Scorpion-ism: You have two cows. Both are stoned.
Cloud Cobra-ism: You have two cows. They are almost as messed up as the Scorpion cows, just without the drugs. What was that Marx said about religion being opium?
Nova Cat-ism: You have two cows. They see things more than the Scorpions do, without the drugs.
Star Adder-ism: You have two cows. They build an insane army and navy. They just sit there, doing nothing.
Coyote-ism: You have two cows. Both are perceived as losers. You pioneer all the funkiest new farm-yard equpment. You are still seen as losers.
Blood Spirit-ism: You have two cows. They sit at home and talk to no one.
Fire Mandril-ism: You have two cows. They fight with each other more than with anyone else. People ignore you.
Diamond Shark-ism: You have two cows. Both are part of a warrior society that disdains everything else. Both cows still focus on money.
Hells' Horse-ism: You have two cows. They follow combined arms doctrine. People drop Inferno IV missiles on your cows and have ribs for a month.
Hellion-ism: You have two cows. One has a temper tantrum and is ridiculed by all others. The other cow only fights to the first hit thinking that alone determines the victor, he is quickly destroyed by enemy cows.
Wolverine-ism: You had two cows. Both got sent to the abbatoir for being unruly. All that remained of them was a single hoof that hopped off and told anyone who would listen that someday it will rule the galaxy
Nueva Castile-ism: You have to cows. One speaks Spanish and has been around for a long time. The other cow speaks Arabic, though it is not Arabic, and invaded some two hundred fifty years form somewhere that it does not even know. The Spanish speaking cow dreams about the reconquista, while the other tenuosly holds on to the lands that it took from the Spanish Cow.
Hanseatic League-ism: You have two cows. Both are Captain-Generals, vying to force each other out of business while keeping their markets closed to outsiders, by force, if necessary.
Pirate-ism: You have two cows. One has a pegleg and a hook on one of his orns, the other a patch over one eye and parrot on his horns. Both mercilessly raid the other cows for hay and water.
Marian Hegemony-ism: You have two cows. One wears a toga and believes he is a great ruler from Terra's ancient past. The other cow is a ruthlessly oppressed slave who plots to win his freedom. His name is Spartacus.
Kell Hound-ism. You have two cows. They face each other in combat. One cow is about to destroy the other cow when the other cow disappears from the first cow's "sights." The first cow chops off his horns, throws them at the second cow's hooves, and goes off to form a military unit. The second cow hides himself in a barn for a few years.
