**BE-BOO BE-BOO BE-BOO BE-BOO BE-BOO**
**CRASH!!**
[Probably the fault of an untimely banana peel, or plot device (which if you think about it, is really the same thing), the ACME™ Inept Weasel Paramedic Van squeals off-course and crashes through the side of the building. Again. Amazingly, and again probably due to plot device, it manages to crash through a previously un-damaged section of the wall. Like a badly scripted 1930 episode of Keystone Cops, three weasels barrel roll out of the van and begin looking around, their stethoscopes swinging wildly around them as they bound about.]
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "...hey, where's Wombat?"
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "What makes you assume he's around here somewhere?"
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "Because he's ALWAYS around here somewhere."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "This had better be important, I was just about to finish watching Bridget Jones in the back of the van."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "I that movie is a matter of life or death, you've got the VCR wired up through the defibrillator."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "...well the ending was kind of a shock."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "NO SPOILERS!"
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "Still you didn't have to drive through Achoo's Underground Lair because you were watching a movie."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "I wasn't driving."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "Nope. Wasn't me. I thought you were driving."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: Well if neither of you were driving, then who drove us through the wall?"
[At this point, Wombat crawls out from the driver's seat; still wearing a McDonald's booster seat strapped to his hiney. He smiles a big toothy grin and points to the far side of the room.]
Wombat: "Its Monday night. According to the greater marsupial event calendar, Achoo's Underground lair is hosting scrambled condor egg buffet and midget octopus stripping extravaganza; he's calling it 8-ways legs-n-eggs!"
*cricket chirps*
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "Um..."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "First of all, you can't read, so how did you see this in a calendar?"
Wombat: "Meh, I skimmed it a little."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "...and Achoo's Underground lair hasn't had a buffet since the botulism outbreak last year."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "...WHICH YOU STARTED!"
Wombat: "Everyone's gotta have a hobby."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "...at which point you stole all the 'mechs from the parking lot and sold them for cream cheese and Chili-Inferno flavored seaweed sticks while all Achoo's customers were in the hospital."
Wombat: "I did offer to share."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #22 imploded when he ate one."
Wombat: "People eat things that are too spicy..."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #4: "...and ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #7072 still thinks he's Billy Mays!!"
Wombat: "...yeah, but your uniforms look GREAT thanks to the Oxy Clean."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #66: "..and I don't even want to get into what you did with Bill Cosby's pants!"
Wombat: "Well you guys feel free to reminisce. I'm going to go help myself to Achoo's underwear drawer, raid his refrigerator, and then floss my teeth with that videocassette tape in the VCR that some idiot left hooded up to the defibrillator."
Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302: "...*GASP*...not Bridgette Jones! Um...look, Wombat, a distraction!"
[Wombat looks in the direction that Inept ACME™ Weasel Paramedic #302 points, at which point he clubs Wombat over the head with a large pipe wrench (ironically, an ACME™ approved Weasel Paramedic "life-saving" device. Wombat's eyes spin in the back of his head for a moment like a Las Vegas casino.]
*bing*
*bing*
*bing*
[Wombat's eyes both roll over to "JACKPOT", at which point his mouth opens and a few thousand C-Bills worth of gold coins spill out onto the floor. All three ACME™ Weasel Paramedics pick up the seemingly lifeless marsupial and chuck him into the back of the van and drive off...naturally through another previously un-damaged section of the wall.]
*CRASH!!*
[As the dust settles, a single slip of paper floats down to the floor; a bill from the ACME™ Weasel Paramedics for "services rendered".]
