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Author Topic: Nerd Humor!  (Read 4970 times)

Acolyte

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Nerd Humor!
« on: 27 September 2013, 00:50:44 »
So a quantum physicist is speeding down the highway and predictably he gets pulled over. The police officer walks up to the driver's window.

"Sir, do you know how fast you're goin?"

"No, sir, but I do know exactly where I am!"

   - Shane

PS any more? You guys got to have more!
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It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion
It is by the coffee that my thoughts acquire speed
My teeth acquire stains
The stains become a warning
It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.

rebs

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #1 on: 27 September 2013, 01:07:54 »
Immanuel Kant walks into a bar … only he doesn’t, a prerequisite of movement being three-dimensional space, which is merely an illusory construct of pure intuition.
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Kat

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #2 on: 27 September 2013, 01:42:14 »
A Roman walks into a bar.
"I'll have a martinus."
"Don't you mean martini?" asks the bartender.
"No. If I wanted a double, I'd say so."
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worktroll

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #3 on: 27 September 2013, 01:49:35 »
A hydrogen atom comes into the police station. "Help!" it cries, "I've been ionised!"

The policeman asks "Are you sure?"

The hydrogen atom replies "Yes, I'm positive!"


and



Heisenberg was here (maybe)!
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* No, FASA wasn't big on errata - ColBosch
* The Housebook series is from the 80's and is the foundation of Btech, the 80's heart wrapped in heavy metal that beats to this day - Sigma
* To sum it up: FASAnomics: By Cthulhu, for Cthulhu - Moonsword
* Because Battletech is a conspiracy by Habsburg & Bourbon pretenders - MadCapellan
* The Hellbringer is cool, either way. It's not cool because it's bad, it's cool because it's bad with balls - Nightsky
* It was a glorious time for people who felt that we didn't have enough Marauder variants - HABeas2, re "Empires Aflame"

rebs

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #4 on: 27 September 2013, 02:12:36 »
“Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.” — Pavlov’s Dog
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Current cover tune: "The Wind Cries Mary" (by Jimi Hendrix)
https://youtu.be/m6a8wZiCsjM?si=0w7tVOgk7yylNv6a

"Thou shalt not create a machine in the image of the human mind." ~ The Orange Catholic Bible, Dune, Frank Herbert

Atlas3060

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #5 on: 27 September 2013, 10:09:41 »
Courtesy of SMBC's comic strip one day...

A boy was taking a test in school and the following question was asked:
"How many valence electrons in a Hydrogen Atom?"
He answered two.
The correct answer was one.
Later that day he met a genie who said he could grant any wish and asked the boy what would he wish for.
"I wish I got that answer right."
"DONE!"
The Universe exploded.
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It's not about winning or losing, no it's all about how many chapters have you added to the rule books after your crazy antics.

Prillotashekta

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #6 on: 27 September 2013, 10:24:42 »
A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender hands over the drink and the neutron asks how much he owes.
The bartender replies, "for you, no charge."

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
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"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science."
-Charles Darwin

ClarkeMarek

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #7 on: 27 September 2013, 11:41:27 »
What do electrical engineers say when they meditate?

Ohm.  Ohm.  Ohm.  Ohm.

Watt? ???
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sir_spamalot

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #8 on: 27 September 2013, 12:26:51 »
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.
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Charlie Tango

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #9 on: 27 September 2013, 12:35:34 »
Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home ?
The nearest ISOBAR!!
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Tai Dai Cultist

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #10 on: 27 September 2013, 12:38:56 »
There are 10 types of people in the world.

Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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ItsTehPope

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #11 on: 27 September 2013, 13:24:48 »
I just told you a joke about UDP and I don't care if you got it.
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If you actually care to listen to my thoughts outside of Battletech, find me at www.uselessblot.com

(4:37:55 PM) moonsword134: You're a bastard.
(4:38:11 PM) moonsword134: And so's the talking whiskey monkey who lives in bottles of tequila to give you ideas.

(4:52:52 PM) ShinjoJinturi: simply by having tag on the field, even in a game that appears to not have any lrms or arrows on the board, you can inspire fear

sir_spamalot

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #12 on: 27 September 2013, 13:34:28 »
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
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ClarkeMarek

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #13 on: 27 September 2013, 14:00:59 »
Quote from: sir_spamalot on 27 September 2013, 13:34:28
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Humor? :)
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"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!

rebs

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #14 on: 28 September 2013, 06:47:20 »
Entropy - it isn't what it used to be. 
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Current cover tune: "The Wind Cries Mary" (by Jimi Hendrix)
https://youtu.be/m6a8wZiCsjM?si=0w7tVOgk7yylNv6a

"Thou shalt not create a machine in the image of the human mind." ~ The Orange Catholic Bible, Dune, Frank Herbert

rebs

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #15 on: 28 September 2013, 06:57:49 »
A bartender stands up and says "Sorry, bub, but we don't serve faster-than-light particles around here."


A Tachyon enters a bar.


 ;D
« Last Edit: 28 September 2013, 12:42:32 by rebs »
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Playing Guitar On My YouTube Channel:
Current cover tune: "The Wind Cries Mary" (by Jimi Hendrix)
https://youtu.be/m6a8wZiCsjM?si=0w7tVOgk7yylNv6a

"Thou shalt not create a machine in the image of the human mind." ~ The Orange Catholic Bible, Dune, Frank Herbert

Matti

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #16 on: 28 September 2013, 12:53:30 »
Optimist sees a glass half full
Pessimist sees a glass half empty
Engineer sees a glass twice the size of what is required
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ANS Kamas P81

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #17 on: 28 September 2013, 13:09:08 »
"I think not," said Voltaire, and promptly vanished.
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Sabelkatten

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #18 on: 28 September 2013, 14:32:44 »
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Arkansas Warrior

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #19 on: 28 September 2013, 14:37:48 »
Quote from: Matti on 28 September 2013, 12:53:30
Optimist sees a glass half full
Pessimist sees a glass half empty
Engineer sees a glass twice the size of what is required

A realist knows the glass is completely full, half with water and half with air. ;)
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Atlas3060

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #20 on: 28 September 2013, 16:43:17 »
Quote from: Arkansas Warrior on 28 September 2013, 14:37:48
A realist knows the glass is completely full, half with water and half with air. ;)
A thirsty person says "good, I'm parched"  ;D
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It's not about winning or losing, no it's all about how many chapters have you added to the rule books after your crazy antics.

ANS Kamas P81

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #21 on: 28 September 2013, 16:52:45 »
Quote from: Atlas3060 on 28 September 2013, 16:43:17
A thirsty person says "good, I'm parched"  ;D
A GM says "roll to save vs poison"
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Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen,
Tod und Verzweiflung flammet um mich her!
Fühlt nicht durch dich Jadefalke Todesschmerzen,
So bist du meine Tochter nimmermehr!

rebs

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #22 on: 28 September 2013, 16:56:28 »
Ambiguity is an artist's friend.  I think that I like it more than most people.
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Playing Guitar On My YouTube Channel:
Current cover tune: "The Wind Cries Mary" (by Jimi Hendrix)
https://youtu.be/m6a8wZiCsjM?si=0w7tVOgk7yylNv6a

"Thou shalt not create a machine in the image of the human mind." ~ The Orange Catholic Bible, Dune, Frank Herbert

worktroll

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #23 on: 28 September 2013, 17:09:44 »
We all know of 666, the "Number of the Beast". But did you know:

668 - the Neighbor of the Beast?
$665.95 - the Walmart Price of the Beast?
665.99993873268723 0 - the floating point Number of the Beast?
700 - the Engineer's Number of the Beast?
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* No, FASA wasn't big on errata - ColBosch
* The Housebook series is from the 80's and is the foundation of Btech, the 80's heart wrapped in heavy metal that beats to this day - Sigma
* To sum it up: FASAnomics: By Cthulhu, for Cthulhu - Moonsword
* Because Battletech is a conspiracy by Habsburg & Bourbon pretenders - MadCapellan
* The Hellbringer is cool, either way. It's not cool because it's bad, it's cool because it's bad with balls - Nightsky
* It was a glorious time for people who felt that we didn't have enough Marauder variants - HABeas2, re "Empires Aflame"

DarkSpade

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #24 on: 28 September 2013, 17:28:24 »
Quote from: Matti on 28 September 2013, 12:53:30
Optimist sees a glass half full
Pessimist sees a glass half empty
Engineer sees a glass twice the size of what is required

The physicist ducks.
http://what-if.xkcd.com/6/
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Drop Bear

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #25 on: 28 September 2013, 22:00:32 »
+/-1 +1 -1 = H
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glitterboy2098

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #26 on: 28 September 2013, 22:13:01 »
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rim_pirate

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #27 on: 01 October 2013, 08:13:18 »
Aaaand one for FORTRAN users: God is real - unless declared integer.
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Challenger

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #28 on: 01 October 2013, 18:39:06 »
A History Student, a Physics Student and a Maths Student shared a flat.

One day the History Student's bin caught fire! Quickly he poured water on the fire, causing s mess but putting out the fire.

Next day the Physics Student's bin caught fire!  Grabbing a pen and paper he worked out the exact amount of water needed to put the fire out, then put it out.

On the third day the Maths Student's bin caught fire! Grabbing a pen and paper he worked out the exact amount of water needed to put the fire out, then confident the problem had been solved went to bed.

Challenger
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worktroll

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #29 on: 01 October 2013, 18:55:12 »
Quote from: rim_pirate on 01 October 2013, 08:13:18
Aaaand one for FORTRAN users: God is real - unless declared integer.

As an old Fortran 77 hack ... that made me groan and smile ...
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* No, FASA wasn't big on errata - ColBosch
* The Housebook series is from the 80's and is the foundation of Btech, the 80's heart wrapped in heavy metal that beats to this day - Sigma
* To sum it up: FASAnomics: By Cthulhu, for Cthulhu - Moonsword
* Because Battletech is a conspiracy by Habsburg & Bourbon pretenders - MadCapellan
* The Hellbringer is cool, either way. It's not cool because it's bad, it's cool because it's bad with balls - Nightsky
* It was a glorious time for people who felt that we didn't have enough Marauder variants - HABeas2, re "Empires Aflame"

rim_pirate

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #30 on: 02 October 2013, 02:55:52 »
Methinks there is no greater sin than implicit variable types - except maybe common blocks.
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Arkansas Warrior

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #31 on: 02 October 2013, 09:00:58 »
Ending a sentence with a preposition is a vice up with which I will not put.
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Sunrise is Coming.

All Hail First Prince Melissa Davion, the Patron Saint of the Regimental Combat Team, who cowed Dainmar Liao, created the Model Army, and rescued Robinson!  May her light ever guide the sons of the Suns, May our daughters ever endeavour to emulate her!

Banzai

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Re: Nerd Humor!
« Reply #32 on: 02 October 2013, 10:51:31 »
I didn't get the TCP joke.  Tell it again.
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