BattleTech - The Board Game of Armored Combat
BattleTech Player Boards => BattleTech Roleplaying => MechWarrior Hall => Topic started by: Scotty on 26 January 2011, 03:50:58
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There is a disturbing lack of places to visit in the Hall (compared to where we left, that is). To rectify this, I decided to lease a nice place on the edge of the Hall that I've decided to call the "Stand-Inn." (lol cwatididtar?)
There are no tables, the chairs are pointy, the bar is spotless, and the rooms are empty. What more could a Hall need?
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<Twy walks in and shimmies up to the counter>
Hiya, Loo. Could I a Prairie Oyster II-C (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_oyster_%28cocktail%29)?
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[A lone lump underneath the carpet appears to be snoring and dreaming of Chili Inferno...as indicated by the occasional fire puff that errupts out from underneath the rug.]
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A pink sore opens up on the side of the bar, growing and pulsing.
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[A thought bubble appears above the lump under the carpet. Naturally everyone can see it. In the thought/dream bubble, everyone can clearly see Wombat painting Falchion purple with pink stripes and setting him loose on the unsuspecting city of Des Moines Iowa. The horror!]
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<Twy walks in and shimmies up to the counter>
Hiya, Loo. Could I a Prairie Oyster II-C (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prairie_oyster_%28cocktail%29)?
You got it, bud. <slides a mug down the bar with an unbroken egg, an entire bottle of hot sauce, and an entire bottle of Worcestershire sauce (all separate)>
A pink sore opens up on the side of the bar, growing and pulsing.
PHFWOOOOOOSHHHHH!!
<lowers the flamethrower> Did I get it?
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[Scotty looks up to find an even larger flamethrower sitting next to him with a giant bow on it.]
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"Eeeexxcellent!"
PHFWOOOOOSHHH!!!
Got it that time. :D
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The charred skin of the sore cracks and crumbles away to reveal a near-transparent blister. Inside the blister is a Falchion looking out at the other posters. It waves and grins.
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/me sighs.
And here I was hoping to keep it half-way civil in here.
Oh well, time to get out the good stuff.
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[Wombat hands Scotty a banana peel along with a high-powered slingshot, and two napkins...just in case.]
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[The Trajan walks in and looks at the jukebox and selects an osmium tune to play. Gets a mohito and settles down on a chair]
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Hey, wait, where'd you find a chair? I thought I got rid of all the --
Oh, wait, nevermind. Everyone else, back away slowly.
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Achoo looks up from his setting up tables and chairs momentarily.....than goes back to setting up a table. 8)
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<Looks at the chair Trajan is sitting on. Looks at Achoo's sig. Looks back to Trajan.>
<Ducks behind the bar>
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It's a good thing Scotty knows this place like the back of his hand. [rockon]
[There is a very loud KLANG as Scotty hits his head on the bar counter as he ducks for cover....]
[Achoo looks up from setting up chairs and looks around.]
What was that? 8)
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[Wombat goes by wearing a 1980's band costume tooting on a trombone, leading a parade of ill-tempered assassin penguins and an undead Johnny Carson....impersonator.]
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[shifts uncomfortably on the pointy chair and looks at the space recently occupied by Scotty.]
S'up dude?
[Looks at the Wombat's troupe]
Pizza's here!
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[The pizza, unfortuntely, is both rabid and carnivorous...but it does have a stuffed crust.]
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**A tour bus pulls up that says "The Partridge Woozles" on the side**
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[The pizza, unfortuntely, is both rabid and carnivorous...but it does have a stuffed crust.]
mmmmMmMMm...stuffed crust.
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Maybe you should ask what the crust has been stuffed with. After all, Wombat delivered it. @p?
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<Flies in with one of those alien ships from independence day and puts this Inn squarely in the laser beams sights.....>
This oughta be fun =D now if only I can find the fire button.....
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A Falchion wanders past, scratching an armpit.
"I think I got lobsters..."
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**A tour bus pulls up that says "The Partridge Woozles" on the side**
<A battalion of Twy clone Techs rushes the tour bus, and take it apart leaving a bunch of stunned Woozles sitting on the ground. One clone can be heard saying: "The Minions from Despicable Me ain't got nothing on us!">
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[The pizza burps and eats a slow-moving Scotty's Stand-Inn patron.]
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"Whoa, Nelly! I gotta take care of this thing. I need that business!"
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<Stands confused on the ships bridge randomly pushing buttons until one actually fires.....continues watching on as the beam glasses the inn and most of the surrounding city..........>
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[Wombat goes flying through the wall, through three cars, and into a 24-hour donut shop.]
"Wow! Who knew they had french cruellers at this hour!"
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Fandragon feels a tugging on his leg.
"Daddeh?"
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...Oh crap....this cant be good........
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The Falchion cub hugs Fandragon's leg.
"Daddeh!"
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"Where'd you get a ship? There isn't a Luna for nearly a week either direction!" :D
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Whos to say I didnt fly it in over a week ago?
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The forum crash does. 8)
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Oh, I guess in that case I lose haha....<Glasses the city again to make sure I left noone out>
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The Stand-Inn and everyone in materialize on the other end of the instantly respawned Hall-city, and the patrons return to their drinks and.... whatever the hell Wombat had.
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*the partridge woozles, now busless, look around at everyone else and grin. Danny woozleduchi sets out and empty guitar case for collections, amps up a guitar to a nearby nuclear warhead and joins his family in a heavy metal version of waltzing matilda... The resulting shockwave has everyone holding onto something for dear life with each note.*
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[Wombat pulls a moldy grape out of his pouch and begins pushing it along the floor with his nose.]
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Several Falchions start laying out a trail of diced pickles toward a meat-baited bear trap.
"...Yeah, but what if the sabertooth tiger doesn't take the bait?" one of them asks.
"Then we'll use you."
"I'm liking this plan less and less..."
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[Wombat appears to be roller-skating around the meat-baited bear trap while pushing a moldy grape across the floor with his nose.]
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*SNAP*
[Wombat appears to now be roller skating in eratic circles wearing a meat-bated bear trap on the widdle nub of his tail while a moldy grape tries to make it's escape.]
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"Wow! I think this actually improves my sinuses!"
*snap!*
*SNAP!!!*
*snap-snap!*
[In a rare community goodwill gesture Wombat goes around putting meat-bated bear traps on everyone's noses.]
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**The partridge woozles pause for a second.... scratch their heads and then proceed to pick up the tempo... thus causing more damage to inhabitants with each shock wave.... the nuclear warhead beeps along in time**
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**gasp**
"A nuclear warhead beeping? Its time for a sing-along!!"
[Wombat pulls out some hastily-made nuclear warhead outfits for himself and the woozles and organzies a choir group.]
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[tickles a woozle to take his nuke suit and don it.]
Cool threads, man!
[swipes the meat trap off his nose and tosses it after losing a finger in it]
Yummy.
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"You ate a woozle finger...without BBQ sauce?"
**gasp**
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**The nuke suit trajan actually stole is actually 12,000,000 deer ticks... they all dig into trajan and start draining his blood**
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[Wombat offers to sell Trjan a transfusion of kool-aid and used motor oil.]
"It'd work....probably."
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[turns away the Motor-Aid, uses vicissitude to turn his blood to acid, figuring maybe a minute before the ticks are dissolved]
I'm cool, thanks.
Anybody want blood soup here in a moment?
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"Is it dangerous to eat? I mean, I'm cool with that so long as it comes with crackers."
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**The acid trick, however clever does not take into account that the acid just happens to attract a swarm of washington lawyers who start feeding on Trajan's flesh**
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Hey! Hey! Get outta here ya filthy cretins!
<Scotty wields his flamethrower in the direction of the lawyers>
I SAID GIT!
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A lumpy-looking lawyer stumbles past with pink floof leaking out of its ears.
"Moo, I'm a lawyer!"
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[Wombat pulls a mustard bottle out of his mouch along with three overweight Japanese mustard-wrestling girls and begins talking in a completely passable Michael Buffer voice.]
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[walks over and licks one of the girls]
MMmmmMmm, mustard!
[begins slathering the healing slime it all over his wounds]
"When it's mixed with the soup, it gets a tangy flavor...and it's great with wheat crackers!
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*the partridge woozles notice the nuclear warhead starting to glow a frantic red... They quickly get back to playing rock ballads in order to appease the bomb.*
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/me displays entirely too much sense for a topic in the hall by walking up to the bomb with a trolley cart, loading the bomb carefully on the cart, and pushing the trolley out the door and down the hill.
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*the partridge woozles not knowing what else to do keep playing their music... Luckilly the warhead hits a convenient blue rubber wall and returns to where it was before*
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"Well I'll be damned. I've never seen a trolley roll uphill like that before." ???
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<Until this bomb filled trolley makes impact with the lower portion of my tank's hull going up hill and goes off upon impact> This time miraculously just taking my tank with it......once the dust clears there is just a slightly charred spot where I and my tank just were........
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*the woozle band looks rather sad and actually starts packing their stuff up until Wombat, feeling sorry for them pulls out a brand new nuclear warhead amplifier out of his pouch. The woozles all cheer and hook their instruments up to it and start off with their own rendition of the safety dance.*
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[...and just like that, everyone starts doing the Safety Dance.]
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*Just to prove wombat right, everyone has robotic shoes placed on their feet so they can dance the woozle safety dance** :D
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[Wombat sits down and tries to tie his own laces.]
"Lets see. This goes here, under the barrel, around the bunny ear, and through the tunnel..."
[Before long, Wombat has managed to tie everyone together.]
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Falchion grins and pulls out his boxcutter from his floof.
"Now you can't run while I take your bits!"
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[Wombat pulls a bowl of Alpha Bits out of his pouch and hands them to Falchion.]
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Huh, you think chastity belts would provide any measure of protection from Falchion's Boxcutter?
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"Depends if he's trying to cut boxes with it."
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**The woozles start singing a modified version of love shack where they change the word shack to box**
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[Wombat randomly recruits woozles to wear pantyhose and do the can-can.]
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Achoo just sits there watching his shoes dancing by themselves over in the corner, drinking a beer and eating pretzels in spite of the fact that he has been tied up. He looks pretty much unconcerned.
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**Hello woozle nuzzles up to Achoo**
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[Achoo's shoes begin dancing to Nancy Sinatra.]
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If I was wearing them I might be worried.
Hey! I just had a thought! (Shut up Wombat. :-X)
SCOTTY! This is your stand in, right? What are we supposed to be standing in?
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Ahhh, but it's the Stand-Inn! :D You're not standing in it, you're renting a room in it!
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And here I was already to call in my stand-in for the next scene, and for makeup!
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*make-up woozle powders Achoo's face with itching powder*
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*walks in with a mushroom shaped hat on*
Howdy ho! Where can I get me a drink around here? :)
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**bar tending woozle shrugs and hands clarke a bottle with skulls and cross bones on it**
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*guzzles the contents*
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[Wombat, in the meantime, proceeds to pull clothes-eating slugs out of his pouch and sets them free.]
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*Meanwhile Senior clothes starts to wonder if stopping by was such a good idea.*
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[Senior clothes is eaten, along with everyone else's clothes. Everyone in Scotty's Stand-Inn is now naked.]
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[Senior clothes is eaten, along with everyone else's clothes. Everyone in Scotty's Stand-Inn is now naked.]
Wombat is sharing Karl Urban fantasies again. ;)
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[...with a toothy grin.]
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*The Partridge woozles sing songs about free love to honor the memory of Senior Clothes**
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[Senior clothes will be missed along with Blue Light Special.]
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*Clarke, meanwhile, wonders where the draft came from*
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[As if to to emphasis on the point, Wombat has a large metal fan in front of ClarkeMarek, blowing on his...well you know.]
"Um, don't step too close."
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Falchion puts three black candles into the microwave and presses '6' three times. Another Falchion stops him.
"Are you summoning Microwave Satan again?"
"Maybe?"
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<A Twy clone walks by as the above exchange happens>
Bad idea, dude...
<A bunch of other Twy clones can be seen in the background putting up holy and/or good luck talismans from various Eastern and Western belief systems to ward off any evil>
...especially since you guys have Falchulu on your side, anyway.
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*charlie's angel woozles show up and proceed to strike poses with the holy talismans*
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<Twy calls in Stewie Griffin as a beat-box (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOVShG20Sg8&feature=related) for the Wooz-Angles sexy party (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5XIubp1Upg)>
[rockon] [rockon]
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Uh, why is there a fan in front of me? ???
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Maybe because they want your autograph? :D
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Well, all right.
*unplugs fan, and as soon as the blades stops, signs name on one of the blades*
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**The blades are actually woozlenator teeth, which clamp onto clarke's hand and grin**
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[The fan appears to be Clarke's biggest fan...and proceeds to blow him away.]
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Wait a sec...
<Twy considers things>
??? :o #P
Sorry, bad bad mental image...
...of the non-violent sort...
...that wouldn't be appropriate to describe...
...but that fur fetishists would just love.
<Twy barfs>
Thanks, Wombat. >:( ;)
And, no I'm not a furry. I'm a cartoon character. There is a difference, you know. 8) >:(
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[Wombat removes the image from Twycross's brain...by removing his brain! Wombat replaces it with some Flintstone's sour gummy candies.]
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<Twy's brain begins to pulsate in Wombat's paws. To the horror of anyone paying attention, the brain sprouts eyes, then muscles in the rough shape of Twy's form. Bones then slowly lace of from the brain, filling out the muscles, surrounding the eyes, and closing around the brain, thereby forcing Wombat's paws away. Other organ can be seen to form, ultimately coalescing into a reformed Twycross. Half a second after his fur seals and stabilizes, he grabs a handful sour gummies out of his former skull>
Yummy! <gulp>
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Farmer Woozle: That'll do Twy, that'll do.
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<Twy turns to the Farmer Woozle>
Gummy? ??? :)
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*farmer woozle eats the gummy... Feels a rumble in da tummy and finds hus ears now resemble those of a cartoon rabbit.*
Farmer woozle: ma, gonna need the home medical book again...
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<Twy breaks out his copy of ClarkeMarek Manual of Medical Information for Mechwarrior's Hall Denizens (http://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/index.html) and starts thumbing through it>
Now lets see....
..."Wombat Induced Psychosis"? Nope...
..."Wombat Pouch Exposure Syndrome"? Nope...
..."Delusions of MoparMessiah-isim"? Nope...
..."Sir Spamalot Spam-a-lama-ding-dong Idée fixe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id%C3%A9e_fixe_%28psychology%29)"? Nope...
..."Fachion-Twycross Syndrome of Objective Doubles (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syndrome_of_subjective_doubles)"? Not even close...
..."LeaderOfOrcs Syndrome of Normalcy"? What? :o There's a disorder for that?... ;) O0
<Twy wanders off, enthralled by the weird Mechwarrior's Hall diagnoses>
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*wonders what the fuss is about* ???
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*Peers his big ole' head and to see what is happening*
"I could like this place..."
*Heads to the bar and orders a Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster. Extra Lemon.*
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*Spammy cuts out the middle man and just smashes Mattlov's skull in with a brick** :D
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Better have been a gold brick, or it's on your tab. ;)
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Go ahead and call my tab.... you got a long line to get behind. ;D
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<Bashes Mattlov's head in with a gold brick.>
Happy now? :)
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<Bashes Mattlov's head in with a gold brick.>
Happy now? :)
Meh. I've had better.
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Well then, we better keep bashing then....
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look you are not using the brick right. now lay down here and stay still. i need to borrow a steamroller and place the brick on the accelerator.
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**places captain john under a steam roller instead, video records the squish** You're right, this is much better.
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[Wombat proceeds to put his nose to the grindstone. Unfortunately it sparks up and catches on fire.]
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Someone inexperienced with this kind of thing would be concerned... and unfortunately this is mild wombat activity.... ;)
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[Wombat nods and proceeds to roast a marshmellow on his nose.]
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Looks like it's time for smores! **breaks out the Hershey bars and graham crackers**
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Captainjohn in a paper thin form lifts himself off the ground and proceeds to go look for a tire pump,
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Try aisle 13 next to car stereos, plutonium air fresheners.
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I have aisles? When did this happen? ???
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Hostile Takeover, Costco and Wal-Mart merged and you were the first Target. ;)
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Oh, they think I'm a target, do they? }:)
Twy, I need to place an order....
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Sorry, I've got him on Wombat dandruff duty... someone has to keep air quality around here.
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I'll have a pint of absinthe, please.
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*Hands Guardsman a full pint of distilled, undiluted absinthe.*
Lemme know if that's not strong enough for ya. }:)
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Guardsman accepts the pint of distilled, undiluted absinte, and pours it down the throat of whoever decided to kill off Clan Smoke Jaguar.
I'll let you know.