Author Topic: Mech Jokes  (Read 15354 times)

Demon55

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Mech Jokes
« on: 28 May 2017, 02:07:00 »
Let's start a mech jokes thread.

Here are a few:

Which mech likes to show itself?  The Flashman.

Which mech follows you home?  The Stalker.




Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #1 on: 28 May 2017, 06:55:04 »
What Mech seems to always comes back from the dead?  Phoenix

Which Mech seem to always be in a rush? Charger
« Last Edit: 28 May 2017, 14:41:08 by Wrangler »
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #2 on: 28 May 2017, 19:01:57 »
What mech is the wittiest?  The Whitworth.


Clangador

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #3 on: 29 May 2017, 01:25:23 »
Which mech is a favorite in Rome?

The Centurion.
~Clangador

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The Mighty ACHOO

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #4 on: 29 May 2017, 02:29:54 »
What 'Mech is the favorite of rampaging barbarian hordes?

The Pillager
If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked and the doors open the wrong way. Oh, and the doors are trapped!

monbvol

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #5 on: 29 May 2017, 02:40:25 »
How many Atlas does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the Lyrans will send an entire regiment anyway as a scouting force because it is dark the room now.

A Combine Regiment is attacking a Skye province world when they come across a lone Highlander.  The Highlander pilot shouts at them to send over their best warrior, "I'll be waiting on the other side of that hill".  The Combine Commander thinking he has nothing to lose sends his best warrior.  Sounds of a short battle come from behind the hill then the Highlander comes out untouched.  He shouts at the Combine Regiment "That was your best?  Send a whole lance this time!"  Again thinking his troops should win this fight easily Combine Commander sends a whole lance of his best warriors.  Again the battle is short and the Highlander again appears unscathed.  "I'm getting bored.  Send a company!"  He shouts.  Thinking surely a Company will kill a single Highlander the Combine Commander dispatches the troops.  The battle lasts a bit longer this time but again the Highlander comes out unscathed.  Enraged the Combine Commander sends an entire Battalion over the hill.  Eventually after a long protracted fight one of his mechs finally returns.  "Sir it's a trap.  There's two of them!"

Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #6 on: 29 May 2017, 03:59:35 »
Why did the Atlas want to look upon the head of Medusa?  Its team wanted it to die.

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #7 on: 29 May 2017, 18:25:43 »
Which mechs quickest Mech to fire?  The Quickdraw.
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #8 on: 29 May 2017, 23:12:26 »
What made the Timber Wolf turn into a Mad Cat?  Its fury at realizing it was descended from freebirth surat designs!

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #9 on: 31 May 2017, 06:57:01 »
What has 5 Gauss Rifles?  I don't know either, but I'm sure not staying find out! - Gausszillaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
« Last Edit: 08 May 2019, 18:53:40 by Wrangler »
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Ang Moh Siao

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #10 on: 31 May 2017, 07:24:17 »
Urbanmech!


(Yes, that's the joke and the punchline, all in one go.  Very economical.)
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #11 on: 01 June 2017, 05:43:37 »
Why was the Amaris company commander upset?  He was attacked by a battalion of Star League Crabs.

truetanker

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #12 on: 11 June 2017, 20:18:33 »
What's a defensive target called when defended by a group of combined forces consisted of a company of mechs and a battalion of tanks?

A Scorpions Nest.

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TT, we know you are the master of nasty  O0 ~ Fletch on 22 June 2013
If I'm attacking you, conventional wisom says to bring 3x your force.  I want extra insurance, so I'll bring 4 for every 1 of what you have :D ~ Tai Dai Cultist on 21 April 2016
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #13 on: 07 September 2017, 08:00:26 »
What do you call a Falconer with a destroyed side torso?

Falconed.

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #14 on: 07 September 2017, 10:13:22 »
What mech is light on it's feet? Hermes.

What mech has identity crisis?  Any of the Classic LAMs.
« Last Edit: 08 May 2019, 18:54:51 by Wrangler »
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Mech42ace

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #15 on: 07 September 2017, 18:11:23 »
An Atlas, Warhammer, and Marauder walk into a bar ... The bar was destroyed.

...I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waiter!
At Comstar we listen. It's that simple.

ClarkeMarek

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #16 on: 07 September 2017, 23:32:45 »
I think I've figured out your comedy style.  You tell jokes the same way a Mad Cat tells jokes. :)
"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #17 on: 08 September 2017, 04:49:33 »
I think I've figured out your comedy style.  You tell jokes the same way a Mad Cat tells jokes. :)
Angry and with cat hisses with casual explosions?
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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ClarkeMarek

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #18 on: 08 September 2017, 22:16:06 »
Angry and with cat hisses with casual explosions?

No.  I mean how a Mad Cat literally tells a joke on stage.

CAVAET:  Only kidding, trying to heckle.  No offense intended.
"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #19 on: 09 September 2017, 21:28:48 »
Well the cat is MAD of course there going be hissing.   :blank:

What Mech always get cops calling on it to stay away?  Stalker.
« Last Edit: 10 May 2019, 12:42:40 by Wrangler »
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #20 on: 23 February 2018, 16:26:42 »
What do you call a boiled Crab or King Crab?

Dinner!

Luciora

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #21 on: 23 February 2018, 17:24:43 »
Did you ever notice we have the Spider and a Venom, but no Carnage?  I mean, what's that all about?


ClarkeMarek

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #22 on: 24 February 2018, 01:53:02 »
Did you ever notice we have the Spider and a Venom, but no Carnage?  I mean, what's that all about?

Small lasers really don't do a lot of damage. ;) :D
"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #23 on: 25 February 2018, 08:26:08 »
Why is the Firestarter considered the boss of Mechs?   It's because it's only one who can fire someone.

*Wrangler tap dances off the stage as rather blunt object is thrown at him.*
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #24 on: 29 August 2018, 10:26:55 »
Which mech likes to loot?

The Pillager.


Rogue Two

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #25 on: 04 September 2018, 20:58:48 »
Which Mech is best for dealing with Wasps and Locusts?

The Exterminator

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #26 on: 05 September 2018, 06:14:58 »
What Mech is the worst at hunting?

The Wolf Trap!

*Trap door conveniently open under him and he plunges down into bellows of the Mechbay below him!*
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Luciora

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #27 on: 05 September 2018, 10:23:55 »
I never got why the Sword of Light is so popular. They are SOL, after all!  *ba-dum-pish*

Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #28 on: 06 September 2018, 05:56:57 »
What do you call an Axman without its axe?

An axed mech.

Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #29 on: 26 September 2018, 13:30:47 »
Which mech bitches the most?
The Banshee

truetanker

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #30 on: 26 September 2018, 16:53:04 »
What Mech get's thrown from all the bars and the ladies room?

The Flashman!

TT
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Azeroth Pocketverse
That is, if true tanker doesn't beat me to it. He makes truly evil units.Col.Hengist on 31 May 2013
TT, we know you are the master of nasty  O0 ~ Fletch on 22 June 2013
If I'm attacking you, conventional wisom says to bring 3x your force.  I want extra insurance, so I'll bring 4 for every 1 of what you have :D ~ Tai Dai Cultist on 21 April 2016
Me: Would you rather fight my Epithymía Thanátou from the Whispers of Blake?
Nav_Alpha: That THING... that is horrid
~ Nav_Alpha on 10 October 2016

ClarkeMarek

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #31 on: 26 September 2018, 17:57:26 »
Spider Mech
Spider Mech
Does whatever the Spider Mech can
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o
"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!

truetanker

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #32 on: 26 September 2018, 19:30:27 »
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o

" Nothing stops the Juggernaut! You shouldn't have enter the ring little spider! MUHawhawhawhaw... "



TT
Khan, Clan Iron Dolphin
Azeroth Pocketverse
That is, if true tanker doesn't beat me to it. He makes truly evil units.Col.Hengist on 31 May 2013
TT, we know you are the master of nasty  O0 ~ Fletch on 22 June 2013
If I'm attacking you, conventional wisom says to bring 3x your force.  I want extra insurance, so I'll bring 4 for every 1 of what you have :D ~ Tai Dai Cultist on 21 April 2016
Me: Would you rather fight my Epithymía Thanátou from the Whispers of Blake?
Nav_Alpha: That THING... that is horrid
~ Nav_Alpha on 10 October 2016

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #33 on: 27 September 2018, 05:31:45 »
Who always wanted by the law and who is always chasing them?

Thug and the Marshal!
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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monbvol

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #34 on: 27 September 2018, 12:32:31 »
What mech never gets lost?

The Atlas.

Banzai

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #35 on: 27 September 2018, 13:53:05 »
Spider Mech
Spider Mech
Does whatever the Spider Mech can
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o

Too soon!  Too soon!

Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #36 on: 01 October 2018, 10:09:44 »
Who always wanted by the law and who is always chasing them?

Thug and the Marshal!

I never thought of that one.  Awesome.

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #37 on: 03 October 2018, 07:17:32 »
What do you get when Quickdraw, Gunslinger, a Clint, and Rifleman fight?
Old space Western shoot out!

What do you get when an Enforcer & Clint team up.  A specular new Dirty Harry movie!
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Gigastrike

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #38 on: 03 October 2018, 08:07:37 »
A whitworth walks into a bar.  Its leg falls off.

Banzai

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #39 on: 03 October 2018, 18:43:29 »
A whitworth walks into a bar.  Its leg falls off.

Okay, that one really was funny.

Demon55

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #40 on: 04 October 2018, 18:36:08 »
What do Crabs call King Crabs?

Kings left behind. 

What did the Crabs institute after that?

Crabrocracy.

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #41 on: 05 October 2018, 05:26:00 »
What Mech is most likely to have pilot named Logan? The Wolverine *shink*
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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Gigastrike

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #42 on: 12 October 2018, 11:59:43 »
What do you call a one-legged Hussar?

An ejector seat.

FyrstormTheArtist

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #43 on: 29 October 2018, 16:07:02 »
What do you call a UM-R60 that spends all its time in the residential district?

A subUrbanmech.

Gigastrike

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #44 on: 03 December 2018, 08:51:04 »
A call was sent out to all other Clans by a Jade Falcon mechwarrior, who claimed to have made the next major leap in Clan society.  They were to meet on a specified planet with a mech of their choice and a prime example of their Clan's totem animal.  Nothing else was said.

A mechwarrior from Clan Ice Hellion arrived first with an ice hellion perched on her arm to match the bird on the other's.  "What have you called us here for?", she asked.

"I have made a breakthrough in mech combat," said the Jade Falcon mechwarrior.  "It is so simple that I can't believe we've never considered it before.  If we were to simply keep our totem animal with us in our cockpit as we fight, the pride we feel in our Clan would surely cause us to fight with unprecedented ferocity!"

The Ice Hellion mechwarrior looked at her totem animal and smiled.  "I suppose it would.  In fact, I wish to experience this for myself."

"Then we will enter our mechs and engage each other in zellbrigen, and you will come to understand what I now know is the truth."

The two dueled, and with the feeling of closeness to their totem animals fought with unparalleled bravery.  After the mech of the Ice Hellion pilot had its arm destroyed by a well placed particle beam shot, the Jade Falcon pilot offered hegira and it was done.

"That was an incredible duel," admitted the defeated pilot.  "I will recommend this method to the rest of my Clan."

Just then a dropship landed, and a member of Clan Star Adder walked out and addressed the one who called them, "what have we been called for?"

"I was just showing my friend here the satisfaction of fighting with our totem animal by our side.  Do you accept my truth?

The Star Adder mechwarrior looked at the damaged mechs, and then at the Ice Hellion pilot and saw that she was adequately convinced.  "Sounds simple enough.  In fact, my cold-blooded friend might even enjoy the heat of a mech's cockpit."

More dropships began to land.  Cloud Cobra, Snow Raven, Steel Viper.  All of them dueled each other and came to see the truth.

"I don't know why we never tried this sooner!", one exclaimed.

"Oh, no..."

"What?"

"Here comes someone from Clan Diamond Shark."

Wrangler

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #45 on: 08 May 2019, 18:59:13 »
What Mech is blast whatever party it goes to?

Banzai
"Men, fetch the Urbanmechs.  We have an interrogation to attend to." - jklantern
"How do you defeat a Dragau? Shoot the damn thing. Lots." - Jellico 
"No, it's a "Most Awesome Blues Brothers scene Reenactment EVER" waiting to happen." VotW Destrier - Weirdo  
"It's 200 LY to Sian, we got a full load of shells, a half a platoon of Grenadiers, it's exploding outside, and we're wearing flak jackets." VoTW Destrier - Misterpants
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rebs

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #46 on: 08 May 2019, 19:23:30 »
What 'mech is a plague of biblical proportions?

The Locust
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ClarkeMarek

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Re: Mech Jokes
« Reply #47 on: 10 May 2019, 16:18:22 »
What do you call a mech that deactivates its jump jets when its pilot is stoned?

A High-lander.
"Son, if dynamite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?"~Al Bundy
Five rounds, rapid!