Retirement Job for Elementals

[Natasha Kerensky]

Party Robot.

Reminded me of certain battlesuits:

Here’s where we admit that Party Robot is not truly a robot.

He is a robot costume worn by a human. A human on stilts. Inside Party Robot, at the wedding in Long Island City, is a human named Ronald Arevalo.

Arevalo, 26, used to work in construction. Because he specialized in applying plaster, he became very good at walking in drywall stilts. He is also — and this is key — a good dancer. These two separate skills, it turns out, make him uniquely suited to excel in a second career as Party Robot.

…

“In the very beginning, the hardest part was just being able to be a robot for 45 minutes to an hour and not, like, cramp,” says Party Robot performer Shawn Vandine, owner of Big City Events outside Philadelphia. Drinking Pedialyte helps prevent muscle spasms, he adds.

Party Robot sometimes falls, which sometimes hurts the human inside. Most companies require a robot handler — an assistant-slash-bodyguard — to help the human get dressed as Party Robot, and avoid hazards such as a spilled drink or a flower girl pitter-pattering across the dance floor.

O’Brian, who used to be a competitive cheerleader, toppled over at an event once. “A chicken wing,” she says.

But the biggest hazard is easy to spot: drunk people. Drunk people love Party Robot. Sometimes, they try to push Party Robot, or fight it, like it’s been sent from the future on a mission to assassinate the groom.

And then there are the gropers.

“A lot of people just come up” to the robots, Zerla says, “and they start, like, feeling their butt.”

…

Arevalo’s handler is his sister, Brenda Lopez, 27. At each event she straps his feet and calves into the bottom of the stilts, and connects the wiring to the battery pack strapped to his waist. The legs actually creak like a door hinge, but no one at a party will ever hear that over the thumping bass.

…

Sean blasted his guests with the carbon dioxide gun, which filled the air with cold fog. The bride and groom’s slices of cake remained uneaten at their sweetheart table, because they still haven’t left the dance floor, and neither has Party Robot. Arevalo’s calves ached. In five minutes, he would cram his massive robot body into an elevator, head downstairs, become human again, and massage his legs.

But for now, he knew what he had to do, because the DJ was telling him.

“Get one more fist pump in with the robot!”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/of-interest/2024/04/22/party-robot-wedding-suit/

[S2pidiT]

You either die young, or live long enough to become Kael PershawParty Robot.

[beachhead1985]

Just extrapolating from observed patterns...I doubt most elementals have long or happy retirements.

I imagine the joints and back go first, with the hearts right behind them. Clan science could keep them in service longer, but why waste the resources that could go to the next generation?

I think "retirement" for Elementals is probably a short, unhappy career in law-enforcement among the lower castes or a short stay in hospice care.