Okay, you have dialogue, which is a start. Now, paragraphs.
Here's an example of how to do it:
july 25th 2822 York Blood Spirit Command
while the Khan was sitting at her desk putting the finally touches on her new program the ilchi she felt she was putting the dreams and ideals of the ilkhan Krenseky to life and hopefully bringing the clans to the true vision of the founder.
there was a knock on the door ''ENTER '' she stated and in walked the sakhan boques . she look up and said ''good morning''
and he replyed 'good moring to you'' ''so how goes it with your new program??"'
""" almost done ,have a look and tell me what you think''.
After reading threw the proposal he stated ''i like it i think it has a lot of promise but the clans are for the most part brand new and not very old and will have alot of growing up to do.plus when the clan s grow and mature i feel they may take after there leaders strenghts and weakness. ''
after listening to this the khan replyed'' all the more reason to have a program like this to remind the clans oof what the ilkhan message. .hhowever i think your correct.''
the sakhan replyed ''which is why there is something i would like you to consider is that in addtion to the ilchi and staff we send in an intel person along to keep an eye on the clan in the case they decide to go againest us or any other clan.''
Do you see how this makes it clearer and easier to read?
The next step is grammar (all those little rules mentioned at school) and formating (there's actually a specific format for Battletech, which can be found online).
Blood Spirit Command
York
25 July 2822
While the Khan was sitting at her desk putting the finally touches on her new program: the ilchi, she felt she was putting the dreams and ideals of the ilKhan Krenseky to life and hopefully bringing the clans to the true vision of the founder.
There was a knock on the door. ''Enter,'' she stated and in walked the saKhan Boques. She look up and said, "Good morning."
And he replyed "Good moring to you. So how goes it with your new program?"
"Almost done. Have a look and tell me what you think."
After reading threw the proposal he stated: ''I like it I think it has a lot of promise but the Clans are for the most part brand new and not very old and will have alot of growing up to do. Plus when the Clan s grow and mature I feel they may take after there leaders strenghts and weakness."
After listening to this the Khan replyed "All the more reason to have a program like this to remind the clans oof what the ilkhan message. Hhowever I think your correct.''
The saKhan replyed: "Which is why there is something I would like you to consider is that in addtion to the ilChi and staff we send in an intel person along to keep an eye on the Clan in the case they decide to go againest us or any other clan."
The next step after this is using correct spelling. Sometimes this can be as simple as using a spelling for a word that is correct but does not match the use of the word - for example you use 'threw' above where I believe you mean 'through'. Spellcheckers are notorious for failing to notice this but they
will pick up things like 'replyed' which should be 'replied'. There's a spellcheck function on the form - look at the button down by the Post and Preview buttons and try using that.
I'd also suggest reading the dialogue outside and considering breaking up sentences and phrases with commas and full stops at natural breaks in what is said. You may find that something sounds odd if spoke, in which case consider rephrasing it.
I'll be interested in seeing what you make of the story idea, but adopting the correct format and paragraphs will much improve it.
