110 Things SPC Skippy of the Niops Association Militia has been warned about or is no longer allowed to do:
1) I will not convince the Highlander pilots to play hopscotch
2) "Blood for the Blood God" is not an acceptable battlecry
3) In space, no one can hear me scream. Unless my mic is on
4) I will not install a plank at the airlock
5) When we space pirates, we are not making them 'walk the plank'
6) I will not sign up for a foreign Military Intelligence posting to 'bang new and exotic space hookers'
7) Even if those are Colonel Zubok's exact words
8) Upon reaching space, I am not to exclaim "My god, it's full of stars!"
9) I am not a Colonial Marine
10) I am not a Space Marine
11) I am not an Imperial Stormtrooper
12) I am not a Mandolarian bounty hunter
13) The Mauser 960 Assault System is not a Lasgun
14) The Mauser 960 Assault System is not a Blaster Rifle
15) The Mauser 960 Assault System is not a Ray gun
16) The Mauser 960 Assault System is not a Phaser
17) The Mauser 960 Assault System is not a Disruptor
18) Butt-stroking is not the Mauser 960 Assault System's 'stun mode'
19) I may not make 'pew-pew' sounds with my mouth at the range
20) I may not make 'pew-pew' sounds with my mouth in combat
21) I may not make 'pew-pew' sounds with any other bodily sounds, ever
22) The Mauser 960 Assault System's grenade launcher is not "My little friend"
23) In fact, I am not to refer to it as anything but a Mauser 960
24) MREs are not Soylent Green
25) MREs are not 'people'
26) I may neither confirm nor deny that Soylent Green is people
27) Riot Control compounds are not authorized for use as personal entertainment
28) I am to report damaged Riot Control compound containers for repair
29) Damaged RC compound containers are not, in fact, a good time in the old town tonight
30) Killing a pirate with a pyronetic weapon may not be referred to as "My hot date tonight"
31) The first rule of Military Intelligence is we don't talk about Military Intelligence
32) The second rule of Military Intelligence is that no one will believe me anyway
33) Colonel Zubok is never lacking for test subjects
34) When Colonel Zubok asks me if I like ice cream, he isn't actually about to give me ice cream
35) The Nighthawk is Powered Armour (Light). It is not: Carapace Armour, Space Marine Powered Armour, Mjolnir Combat Armour, Anorexic Battle Armour, a Combat Skin, and it is not made by Mandolarians
36) Aerospace fighters are not starfighters
37) ASFs do not carry Proton Torpedos
38) I will not tell pilots to "Use the Force"
39) ASF pilots do not train in Beggar's Canyon
40) Manportable SRMs are not Bazookas
41) I may not teabag slain enemies
42) I may not teabag prisoners
43) I may not teabag my chain of command
44) I may not teabag my subordinates
45) I may teabag other consenting adults, but I am not to speak about it. Ever.
46) My subordinates are not henchmen
47) I am not allowed to exclaim "That's no moon!" upon seeing anything in space
48) I will not sell my water purification tablets to the locals as "Lostec male enhancement pills"
49) I will not tell the locals that I am equipped with Lostec marital abilities
50) Tribbles are a strictly controlled biological weapon. Plush tribbles are not funny
51) Clanners are not the Clone Army of the Old Republic
52) Clanners are not 'easy' even if they are
53) Clanners are not a cheap date, even if they are
54) Clanners are not my 'friends with benefits' even if they are
55) Signals is not staffed by deckers, and they do not cut ICE
56) I am to stop calling Syrinx, Siri
57) I am to stop calling Syrinx, Wintermute
58) I am to stop calling Syrinx, Neuromancer
59) I am to stop calling Syrinx, HAL
60) I am to stop calling Syrinx, Cortana
61) The shipboard computer system does not have a sense of humour
62) The base computer system does not have a sense of humour
63) My Commanding Officer does not have a sense of humour
64) No Sergeant-Major, ever, has had a sense of humour
65) Sergeant-Majors do not have their sense of humour surgically removed upon promotion
66) Lady Gaga's "Born this Way" may not be used to explain why sergeant-majors do not have a sense of humour
67) I will not understand Syrinx's sense of humour
68) I won't want to understand Colonel Zubok's sense of humour
69) I may not play strip poker with any relative of any officer or senior NCO
70) I may not make demotivator recruitment posters
71) The first Star League is not the Old Republic
72) The second Star League is not the New Republic
73) The third Star League is not the New Republic
74) The third Star League is not the Evil Empire
75) The first Star League is not the Evil Empire
76) Niops Association is not the Imperial Remnants
77) The Coalition of Periphery States is not the Rebel Alliance
78) Spacers are not 'born shaved'
79) Eating an 'all-you-can-eat' restaurant out of food does not qualify me for a medal
80) We are no longer allowed to patronize buffets
81) My tour of duty on Luxen was not a "whirlwind of recreational pharmaceuticals and curious co-eds"
82) My sordid affairs may not be immortalized in song
83) My sordid affairs may not be immortalized in video
84) My tour of duty may not be summarized as "Bad Romance"
85) I will stop telling lurid stories about the Canopian locals to new arrivals. Especially if they are true
86) Just because the Lyran exchange officer is my CO does not make him 'mein Fuhrer'
87) Niops Territorial Militias are not Wolverine units
88) Clanners don't bend that way
89) Clanners do not have: Duct Tape IIC, Condoms IIC, MREs IIC, or Morphine IIC and I should stop asking them for it
90) The only thing that Colonel Zubok's sidearm is compensating for is the advancement in personal armour
91) I may not beg the ship captain to "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure"
92) When dealing with underground facilities, nuking it from orbit is not a sure thing
93) Nukes are not party favours, and I should stop asking for some from the Taurians
94) I am not to apologize profusely to Taurians about eating their kindred spirits at the mess dinner
95) Bioengineering 612 will not teach me how to crossbreed Jade Falcons and the domestic turkey
96) The cybernetics department is not the Adeptus Mechalnicus, despite anything they may have told me to the contrary
97) The NAM communications network is not Skynet
98) Niops does not field assassin droids
99) "Hey, y'all watch this!" is not considered adequate notification prior to conducting unauthorized experiments with government owned equipment
100) My APC is not a monster truck
101) When playing hearts, I may not literally shoot the moon
102) Duct tape is not Lostech
103) Duct tape is not 'Self-adhesive armour'
104) If the motor pool asks me to grab them headlight fluid, I will not give them a bottle of urine in return
105) A bottle of urine is the wrong answer to everything except a drug test
106) I can not get a second-hand high by hanging around the riot control troops
107) I am not to create authentic defrutum for the Marians
108) Lyran Battle Armour do not belong to the organization Kerberos
109) I will not convince the Goliath Scorpions to turn the Remembrance into an anime OVA
110) I will not sell the Goliath Scorpions brown acid or, for that matter, any sort of psychoactive substance