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BattleTech Player Boards => BattleTech Roleplaying => MechWarrior Hall => Topic started by: Demon55 on 28 May 2017, 03:07:00

Title: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 28 May 2017, 03:07:00
Let's start a mech jokes thread.

Here are a few:

Which mech likes to show itself?  The Flashman.

Which mech follows you home?  The Stalker.



Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 28 May 2017, 07:55:04
What Mech seems to always comes back from the dead?  Phoenix

Which Mech seem to always be in a rush? Charger
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 28 May 2017, 20:01:57
What mech is the wittiest?  The Whitworth.

Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Clangador on 29 May 2017, 02:25:23
Which mech is a favorite in Rome?

The Centurion.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: The Mighty ACHOO on 29 May 2017, 03:29:54
What 'Mech is the favorite of rampaging barbarian hordes?

The Pillager
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: monbvol on 29 May 2017, 03:40:25
How many Atlas does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the Lyrans will send an entire regiment anyway as a scouting force because it is dark the room now.

A Combine Regiment is attacking a Skye province world when they come across a lone Highlander.  The Highlander pilot shouts at them to send over their best warrior, "I'll be waiting on the other side of that hill".  The Combine Commander thinking he has nothing to lose sends his best warrior.  Sounds of a short battle come from behind the hill then the Highlander comes out untouched.  He shouts at the Combine Regiment "That was your best?  Send a whole lance this time!"  Again thinking his troops should win this fight easily Combine Commander sends a whole lance of his best warriors.  Again the battle is short and the Highlander again appears unscathed.  "I'm getting bored.  Send a company!"  He shouts.  Thinking surely a Company will kill a single Highlander the Combine Commander dispatches the troops.  The battle lasts a bit longer this time but again the Highlander comes out unscathed.  Enraged the Combine Commander sends an entire Battalion over the hill.  Eventually after a long protracted fight one of his mechs finally returns.  "Sir it's a trap.  There's two of them!"
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 29 May 2017, 04:59:35
Why did the Atlas want to look upon the head of Medusa?  Its team wanted it to die.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 29 May 2017, 19:25:43
Which mechs quickest Mech to fire?  The Quickdraw.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 30 May 2017, 00:12:26
What made the Timber Wolf turn into a Mad Cat?  Its fury at realizing it was descended from freebirth surat designs!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 31 May 2017, 07:57:01
What has 5 Gauss Rifles?  I don't know either, but I'm sure not staying find out! - Gausszillaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Ang Moh Siao on 31 May 2017, 08:24:17
Urbanmech!


(Yes, that's the joke and the punchline, all in one go.  Very economical.)
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 01 June 2017, 06:43:37
Why was the Amaris company commander upset?  He was attacked by a battalion of Star League Crabs.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: truetanker on 11 June 2017, 21:18:33
What's a defensive target called when defended by a group of combined forces consisted of a company of mechs and a battalion of tanks?

A Scorpions Nest.

TT
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 07 September 2017, 09:00:26
What do you call a Falconer with a destroyed side torso?

Falconed.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 07 September 2017, 11:13:22
What mech is light on it's feet? Hermes.

What mech has identity crisis?  Any of the Classic LAMs.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Mech42ace on 07 September 2017, 19:11:23
An Atlas, Warhammer, and Marauder walk into a bar ... The bar was destroyed.

...I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waiter!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: ClarkeMarek on 08 September 2017, 00:32:45
I think I've figured out your comedy style.  You tell jokes the same way a Mad Cat tells jokes. :)
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 08 September 2017, 05:49:33
I think I've figured out your comedy style.  You tell jokes the same way a Mad Cat tells jokes. :)
Angry and with cat hisses with casual explosions?
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: ClarkeMarek on 08 September 2017, 23:16:06
Angry and with cat hisses with casual explosions?

No.  I mean how a Mad Cat literally tells a joke on stage.

CAVAET:  Only kidding, trying to heckle.  No offense intended.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 09 September 2017, 22:28:48
Well the cat is MAD of course there going be hissing.   :blank:

What Mech always get cops calling on it to stay away?  Stalker.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 23 February 2018, 17:26:42
What do you call a boiled Crab or King Crab?

Dinner!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Luciora on 23 February 2018, 18:24:43
Did you ever notice we have the Spider and a Venom, but no Carnage?  I mean, what's that all about?

Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: ClarkeMarek on 24 February 2018, 02:53:02
Did you ever notice we have the Spider and a Venom, but no Carnage?  I mean, what's that all about?

Small lasers really don't do a lot of damage. ;) :D
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 25 February 2018, 09:26:08
Why is the Firestarter considered the boss of Mechs?   It's because it's only one who can fire someone.

*Wrangler tap dances off the stage as rather blunt object is thrown at him.*
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 29 August 2018, 11:26:55
Which mech likes to loot?

The Pillager.

Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Rogue Two on 04 September 2018, 21:58:48
Which Mech is best for dealing with Wasps and Locusts?

The Exterminator
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 05 September 2018, 07:14:58
What Mech is the worst at hunting?

The Wolf Trap!

*Trap door conveniently open under him and he plunges down into bellows of the Mechbay below him!*
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Luciora on 05 September 2018, 11:23:55
I never got why the Sword of Light is so popular. They are SOL, after all!  *ba-dum-pish*
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 06 September 2018, 06:56:57
What do you call an Axman without its axe?

An axed mech.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 26 September 2018, 14:30:47
Which mech bitches the most?
The Banshee
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: truetanker on 26 September 2018, 17:53:04
What Mech get's thrown from all the bars and the ladies room?

The Flashman!

TT
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: ClarkeMarek on 26 September 2018, 18:57:26
Spider Mech
Spider Mech
Does whatever the Spider Mech can
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: truetanker on 26 September 2018, 20:30:27
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o

" Nothing stops the Juggernaut! You shouldn't have enter the ring little spider! MUHawhawhawhaw... "

(http://cfw.sarna.net/wiki/images/thumb/6/61/Juggernaut.JPG/191px-8iniv1yvet0bmsso2c8djr6a0c0njoh.jpg?timestamp=20110222014648)

TT
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 27 September 2018, 06:31:45
Who always wanted by the law and who is always chasing them?

Thug and the Marshal!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: monbvol on 27 September 2018, 13:32:31
What mech never gets lost?

The Atlas.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Banzai on 27 September 2018, 14:53:05
Spider Mech
Spider Mech
Does whatever the Spider Mech can
Everything's getting dark
"I don't feel good, Mr. Stark!"
Oh no!!!!  :o There goes the Spider Mech!  :o

Too soon!  Too soon!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 01 October 2018, 11:09:44
Who always wanted by the law and who is always chasing them?

Thug and the Marshal!

I never thought of that one.  Awesome.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 03 October 2018, 08:17:32
What do you get when Quickdraw, Gunslinger, a Clint, and Rifleman fight?
Old space Western shoot out!

What do you get when an Enforcer & Clint team up.  A specular new Dirty Harry movie!
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Gigastrike on 03 October 2018, 09:07:37
A whitworth walks into a bar.  Its leg falls off.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Banzai on 03 October 2018, 19:43:29
A whitworth walks into a bar.  Its leg falls off.

Okay, that one really was funny.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Demon55 on 04 October 2018, 19:36:08
What do Crabs call King Crabs?

Kings left behind. 

What did the Crabs institute after that?

Crabrocracy.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 05 October 2018, 06:26:00
What Mech is most likely to have pilot named Logan? The Wolverine *shink*
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Gigastrike on 12 October 2018, 12:59:43
What do you call a one-legged Hussar?

An ejector seat.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: FyrstormTheArtist on 29 October 2018, 17:07:02
What do you call a UM-R60 that spends all its time in the residential district?

A subUrbanmech.
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Gigastrike on 03 December 2018, 09:51:04
A call was sent out to all other Clans by a Jade Falcon mechwarrior, who claimed to have made the next major leap in Clan society.  They were to meet on a specified planet with a mech of their choice and a prime example of their Clan's totem animal.  Nothing else was said.

A mechwarrior from Clan Ice Hellion arrived first with an ice hellion perched on her arm to match the bird on the other's.  "What have you called us here for?", she asked.

"I have made a breakthrough in mech combat," said the Jade Falcon mechwarrior.  "It is so simple that I can't believe we've never considered it before.  If we were to simply keep our totem animal with us in our cockpit as we fight, the pride we feel in our Clan would surely cause us to fight with unprecedented ferocity!"

The Ice Hellion mechwarrior looked at her totem animal and smiled.  "I suppose it would.  In fact, I wish to experience this for myself."

"Then we will enter our mechs and engage each other in zellbrigen, and you will come to understand what I now know is the truth."

The two dueled, and with the feeling of closeness to their totem animals fought with unparalleled bravery.  After the mech of the Ice Hellion pilot had its arm destroyed by a well placed particle beam shot, the Jade Falcon pilot offered hegira and it was done.

"That was an incredible duel," admitted the defeated pilot.  "I will recommend this method to the rest of my Clan."

Just then a dropship landed, and a member of Clan Star Adder walked out and addressed the one who called them, "what have we been called for?"

"I was just showing my friend here the satisfaction of fighting with our totem animal by our side.  Do you accept my truth?

The Star Adder mechwarrior looked at the damaged mechs, and then at the Ice Hellion pilot and saw that she was adequately convinced.  "Sounds simple enough.  In fact, my cold-blooded friend might even enjoy the heat of a mech's cockpit."

More dropships began to land.  Cloud Cobra, Snow Raven, Steel Viper.  All of them dueled each other and came to see the truth.

"I don't know why we never tried this sooner!", one exclaimed.

"Oh, no..."

"What?"

"Here comes someone from Clan Diamond Shark."
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: Wrangler on 08 May 2019, 19:59:13
What Mech is blast whatever party it goes to?

Banzai
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: rebs on 08 May 2019, 20:23:30
What 'mech is a plague of biblical proportions?

The Locust
Title: Re: Mech Jokes
Post by: ClarkeMarek on 10 May 2019, 17:18:22
What do you call a mech that deactivates its jump jets when its pilot is stoned?

A High-lander.