Author Topic: The Curmudgeonly Dank and Unpleasantly Moist Underground Lair of Achoo  (Read 54709 times)

Wombat

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Once upon a midnight thieving, while I pondered anviling and deceiving,
Over many a blue furry volume of stolen pants,
While I pilfered, nearly gnawing, suddenly there came a wash-a-drawing,
As of some one gently flushing, gushing at a mysterious toliet's floor.
"Tis some secret Lair" I muttered, "...flushing in this toliet door"

"...only this, and nothing more."

[Wombat, while munching on some strange urinal cakes found in an abandoned and forgotten (and most likely untouched by a janitor since parachute pants were "hip") toliet in the back of a forgotten Mechwarrior Bar location; Wombat accidently manages to flush himself down the secret entrance to Achoo's Underground Lair. After coming to at the bottom of the drain, which for theatric purposes had a lot of special effects to make the drop seem a lot further than it actually was, Wombat finds himself in an the Lair of Achoo.]

*big toothy grin*

[Wombat proceeds to help himself to the refrigerator in the Curmudgeonly Dank and Unpleasantly Moist Underground Lair of Achoo.]


The Mighty ACHOO

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Well, there goes the neighborhood.  >:(
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

Wombat

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[Wombat begins making himself a sandwich in the refrigerator, ignoring the several complete skeletons in the butter drawer.]

"...thats odd. There are grenades in the egg holders."

The Mighty ACHOO

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[Achoo shoves Wombat into the refrigerator, slams the door shut, duct tapes the door shut, unplugs the refrigerator, boxes it up and ships it back to the ACME headquarters at Walla Walla, Washington, planet Earth.]


[Achoo than pulls out a spare refrigerator, restocks everything, than sets down on his throne reading the paper. He looks up at the camera, sips a beer, and grins evilly.]


Yes, I know he will be back shortly. But it had to be done.
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

Wombat

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**meanwhile, at ACME headquarters at Walla Walla, Washington, planet Earth**

ACME mail processor #549: "Okay, looks like we have an oversized shipment here."
ACME mail processor #120: "...we're not due for an oversized shipment."
ACME mail processor #549: "Well what do you think this is, a jar of mayonnaise?"
ACME mail processor #1377: "Speaking of which, you ever here the Titanic sinko de mayo"
ACME mail processor #002: (sobbing) "...you just ruined the joke."
ACME mail processor #549: "Whatever. So we got an oversize package. Did anyone do a protocol marsupial contagion check?"
ACME mail processor #5715½: "I don't think its necessary, Chief. Look. Its a refrigerator"
ACME mail processor #120: "...yeah, and it passes. See? It has 'no marsupials inside' written hastily in crayon on the shipping manifest."
ACME mail processor #549: "Well that sounds legit..."

<<CENSORED. THE DIRECTORS AND LAWYERS OF ACME™ CORPORATION HAVE DETERMINED THAT THIS FOLLOWING SEGMENT OF FILM IS NOT SUITABLE FOR DISPLAY DUE TO GRATUITOUS CARTOON VIOLENCE, DISMEMBERMENT, AND THE UNHOLY USE OF DILL PICKLES. WE PICK UP THIS FILM AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS SCENE>>

ACME mail processor #002: (still sobbing) "...how can a dill pickle still be Kosher after what he did with it!?"
ACME mail processor #549: "I can't feel my legs."
ACME mail processor #120: "They're not there anymore Chief. I think Wombat took them, along with a jet. He's going back to wherever he came from."
ACME mail processor #120: "....thank God. Wait. Whats that ticking sound?"

**KA-BOOM!!!**

ShadowRaven

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you know, you really should have this place sprayed for mold. Oh and a few hundred pine tree air fresheners wouldn't hurt.
We are Clan Snow Raven. Masters of the void, and reapers of your souls

befriend (v.): to use mecha-class beam weaponry to inflict grievous bodily harm on a target in the process of proving the validity of your belief system.
— From a post on rpg.net

MoparMessiah

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God, what is that smell?

The Mighty ACHOO

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The lair is below the restroom. That is the smell from above. It gets sprayed for mold twice a day. Only the best mold for a gloomy lair will do. And the air fresheners cannot even hope to fight what you let loose when you.....[shudder]....what do you eat that creates that god aweful stench? It just drops to the floor and eats it's way through. That's why I am wearing this gas mask and why I abandoned this lair long ago. I just use it for storage anymore.


You guys are pigs.
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

ShadowRaven

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I eat, well whatever it is they serve up there.
We are Clan Snow Raven. Masters of the void, and reapers of your souls

befriend (v.): to use mecha-class beam weaponry to inflict grievous bodily harm on a target in the process of proving the validity of your belief system.
— From a post on rpg.net

The Mighty ACHOO

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I don't.  ;D
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

BirdofPrey

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[Attention.  New target traces found.  Triangulating.]
[Target out of orbital drop range, teleport advised.]
[particle accelerator spinning up]
.
..
...
....
.....
*With a flash of light and the smell of ozone a wild BoP appears*
What's up fol. . . OH DEAR LORD! where's my biohazard gear?

Wombat

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[Wombat waddles back into the forgotten lair, this time with a miner (or is that minor?) flashlight on his widdle head. After a few moments, Wombat finds a furry foot in the darknes.]

"Whoa...you girls need to shave more often!"

[Shining the light up, Wombat realizes the furry foot appears to be connected to a large furry horned cyclops.]

"...since when did Achoo start cloning you guys?"

[Wombat smiles a big toothy grin and pulls a razor and a fresh can of Barbasol out of his pouch and proceeds to start shaving the Cyclops.]

Vash The Stampede

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  • LOVE AND PEACE!!!
I imagine this magnitude of cartoon violence exceeds that of "Happy Tree Friends"
I'm like a hunter of peace. One who chases the elusive mayfly of love... or something like that.

"I crush little childrens dreams everyday...Ralph your not a kangaroo...Ralph your also not a trophy....." (Quote used by Jesse Richards (ExtremeBloodAspUser))

The Mighty ACHOO

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But not anywhere near Wombat's personal best.
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

BirdofPrey

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*still smoking from transport*
Raise your hand if you remember {memory redacted}?  Horrifying that Wombat.

Wombat

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"Now now, stop growling...I'm almost finished. Hold still, Mr Cyclops, your drooling all over yourself there. Now after I finish shaving you, I have a lovely wardrobe in my pouch for you to con....epp!"

[The Cyclops grabs Wombat and begins squeezing him...]

"Hmm. I didn't realize a good shaving warranted a hug, but okay."


MoparMessiah

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Are there female Cyclopses?

ShadowRaven

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I didn't know you where in to that sort of thing Mopar?
We are Clan Snow Raven. Masters of the void, and reapers of your souls

befriend (v.): to use mecha-class beam weaponry to inflict grievous bodily harm on a target in the process of proving the validity of your belief system.
— From a post on rpg.net

MoparMessiah

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I'm in to lots of things  ^-^

The Mighty ACHOO

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I think that is a female cyclops
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

Wombat

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"Well of course its a female Cyclops...which is why you should smile, mind your manners, and always ask for permission before shaving below her panty line."

MoparMessiah

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Yes - ALWAYS ask BEFORE

The Mighty ACHOO

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I got nothing for this one. My mind is deliberately refusing to deal with it in any way, shape, or form. The lights are off, nobody is home.
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

MoparMessiah

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Do we have any booze?

BirdofPrey

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*downs a fifth of vodka*
Nope

trboturtle

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  • Now what?
*Wombat get the other four-fifths of Vodka*

Craig
(Meandring through...)
Author of the BattleCorps Stories -- "The Lance Killer," "Hikagemono," "Negotiation," "Snipe Hunt," "Groundpounder," "The Clawing," "Salvage," "The Promise," "Reap What You Sow," "Color of Authority," "Family Ties," "The Blood of Man," "End of Message," "Heroes' Bridge," "Kurodenkou," "Thirteen," "My Father's Sword," "Evacuation," "Warrior's Song," "Operation Red Lion," "A Matter of Honor," "State of Grace," "Operation Blue Tiger," "A Warrior's Fear," "Shadow Angels," "Murphy's Method," and the Legacy Anthology story, "End of the Road."

My Blogs!
Battletech:  http://thebattletechstate.blogspot.com/
Other writings: http://trboturtleswritings.blogspot.com/

The Mighty ACHOO

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Nobody can hold a match to Wombat. Nobody should hold a match to Wombat. No, Don't, Really. We don't need him to burst on fire like a block of sterno.
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

BirdofPrey

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Challenge accepted
*BoP lights a match to ignite his cigar then tosses the match at wombat*

The Mighty ACHOO

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Well, lets wait and see what happens.  :o
It's OK to disagree with me......I can't force you to be right.

If you are waiting for me to go out of my mind you will have to wait. The exits are not clearly marked.

Wombat

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[The vodka catches on fire, screams like a little girl, and runs out the door.]