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Author Topic: Shrapnel 9: Lucky Bastard  (Read 421 times)

Generalripphook

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Shrapnel 9: Lucky Bastard
« on: 28 June 2022, 14:00:11 »
TLDR at the bottom.

I'll start with a compliment, I thought the author did quite a good job describing mech combat in a simulator. I mean no offense to the author by this, but the rest is painfully bad. It reads like an incels fanfiction. I have no clue how this story was included in the magazine.

You have three female characters in this story, Kat and Cindy both have the personalities of wet cardboard (and Yvette is just there in the background) . Here are some examples of Cindy, after describing her as a gorgeous and smart 17 y/o version of Natasha Kerensky.

"Her legs were long and smooth. She was a bit taller than him, and her body bounced" 
" 'What do you think of my skirt' She posed comically with her hip tilter. The skirt had red and white stripes on cobalt blue. It was really short.

'Its...' he didn't know how to phrase it. ' It's ...awesome' "

Both of them fawn over the main character, who has no idea they are hitting on him. In fact the main actual interaction you see from Kat is what appears to be jealousy over Cindy's appearance at the Craigs' Simulator. Then Ken shows up and is described as

"The young man looked college-aged, and clean and he smelled good, like cologne- the kind of guy who would pick up a girl like Cindy Easily."

So of course the main character beats this 'Alpha male who could pick up Cindy' who promptly asks if he can ask out Cindy to which the main character says no. Main character then walks Cindy home and asks her on a date ignoring "her mom's offhand comment of her daughter being out of his league"

Then a time skip, Cindy and Main Character are married, running the sim and a coffee shop.


I ask you what does this story say to all the prospective women who want to get into battletech?

TLDR: Please no more stories like this.

Kit deSummersville

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Re: Shrapnel 9: Lucky Bastard
« Reply #1 on: 29 June 2022, 14:12:21 »
I think Ken would look better in that skirt than Cindy.
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Angrii

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Re: Shrapnel 9: Lucky Bastard
« Reply #2 on: 29 June 2022, 14:22:38 »
Good grief, that sounds awful. I'll be steering clear of that one...